Are your FI's parents contributing?

[michelle6114]

We are paying for all of the destination wedding and AHR ourselves. The total for everything is about $13,000.

My mother is on a fixed income and we never expected anything from her. I know that most couples these days pay for everything themselves.

My FI's parents are quite "well off: (for lack of a better term). They know we have been struggling the past few months. So far they haven't offered to help pay for anything, and FI refuses to ask them. But it makes me mad when we are all together, and they brag about how their latest purchases cost $$$$$. All of these things trivial and pointless. $900 on 24k christmas ornaments. And they spent over $60,000 on their daughters wedding. It makes me sick to listen to this all while knowing my mom can barely afford food.

I am just wondering if anyones future in-laws have offered to contribute to the costs of the wedding. Am I wrong for resenting that they not offer anything? We have never said anything to them but they know we are struggling and will be till after Christmas.

[Married_In_Maui]

I feel your pain!! My husband's parents are very well off & offered to pay for NOTHING!! On the other hand, my mother, who is widowed with a teenage daughter, offered up $6000 to help with whatever she could. I just don't understand where this thinking came from that the groom's family pays for nothing. I finally had my then FI ask if they were going to help with the wedding in any way. After some pushing, they decided to pay for the AHR, but only if it could be on their terms, WTF?? So, in the end, we had to go with what THEY wanted for the AHR, b/c we were maxed out after paying for the remainder of the wedding/honeymoon. Agh, in-laws, (trust me they only get worse once you're married.) Good luck with those future in-laws girl

[*Lo*]

Hmm ya it's hard to just outright ask. We have the same thing, my parents are paying for my brother's trip since he just started work out of school and has no money saved and then they offered $6,000 towards our wedding which i think is not a ton but it's still so helpful and it's to pay for half of whatever we were quoted for ceremony and reception so i think it's so completely fair. my mom is also paying $3200 for my wedding dress so its more than I would ever ask for.

 

FI's parents also have money but haven't said anything. But we don't want to outright ask. So we are expecting to just cover the rest and I have a feeling his mom will write us a cheque for a wedding gift. She wrote us a cheque for $14,000 when we bought our condo as a gift and to help out with the downpayment which we didn't ask for. So I dunno. I just anticipate the same type of thing but I also am not going to count on it. We even flew out to calgary to discuss it in person but FI couldn't bring it up.

 

I have a different relationship with my parents I seriously just emailed and was like, hey our ceremony and reception costs $12,000, how much are you going to chip in? hehe and my mom said half. So awesome.

 

I guess plan on paying for it yourself and anything else is bonus! that's my advice as someone in the same situation.

[amandseth]

My fiance's parents offered up help right from the get go. So did mine. My fiance's parents are a bit more well off though, and their contirbution has actully exceeded the contribution from my parents, though neither knows what the other has contributed. Both sets offered the money to help toward paying for the wedding and said the remainder of what is not spent will be our wedding gift. Needless to say, this has made my fiance VERY budget conscious. lol.

 

Personally, I think it's an out of date tradition to expect the brides family to take on the entire cost of a wedding. but I empathize with not wanting to ask for their help. I'm sure, though, that they have something in store for the two of you as a wedding gift, considering they put 60 grand into your sil's wedding (how someone can justify spending that much is beyond me!!) Perhaps it will be enough to pay off some of your wedding costs?

[ashly87]

My FI parents are going to give us around $3,000-4,000. I feel really bad though because my parents are divorced and there's no way my mom would be able to help us and it would probably be a struggle for my father. It's going to be hard enough for him to afford to come to our destination wedding. I've read some posts about people needing advice in telling their parents they don't want a money contribution for help with their wedding...I'm thinking to myself "I WISH I could have that problem!". The thing about my FI parent's contribution is that my FI thinks they may be taking the cost of their travel to our destination wedding out of that price. Anyway, overall we will be paying for the wedding ourselves.

[Birdie07]

My Dad paid for half of our wedding and my FIL paid for the other half. We were very lucky. But our wedding was nowhere as expensive as the pp's. Also DH was in school and I had just moved to be with him so we didn't have the money to pay for a wedding.

[Vikki]

My FI's family hasn't offered to help us at all. The only money comment they've made was why did we have to pick such an expensive wedding that his brother couldn't afford to attend. They aren't well off but they aren't broke either. I have a feeling the "gift" we'll get from them will be their attendance at the event. Which is all we asked for.

 

My parents have pitched in $2000 cash and various other things like our AHR. They are also paying $3200 for my sister and her husband to attend. I never expected them to do any of that. As nice as it is to have people chip in we were planning to foot the bill ourselves and the only thing we asked of them was to attend.

[KRama]

We're fortunate enough that both sets of parents have offered to contribute to our wedding. Well actually, my parents are divorced so my mom and step-dad have offered. My dad on the other hand, is struggling financially and I don't expect anything from him other than to be there.

 

Some families are very traditional when it comes to wedding costs and typically the grooom's family was off the hook (I also think that's very outdated). Maybe your FI's family is one of them which is why they dropped $60K on their daughter's wedding. Unfortunately, if you and your FI don't ask, or at least explain that due to your own financial constraints there are things you won't have that you wish you could, I think it's unfair to resent them for it. (I say this, but I know I would feel the same way that you do!)

[LadyTrunck]

First of all, Lori, I LOVE your siggy pic! Made me LOL.

 

My FI’s parents are being pretty strange about the whole thing. First, my family may not even be able to attend the wedding because of $ issues, so any contribution from them is out. My FI assumed that his parents would give us 10k, because that’s what they gave both of his sisters for theirs. However, when the market tanked, I think they took a pretty big hit. So we have planned on doing it all ourselves. Since then, they have mentioned to him that they are going to help out, but don’t give a dollar amount. They never do this when I am around, which I think is very strange, we are all pretty close.

 

So the long and short of it: we are planning on paying ourselves, and since a bulk of it is due at the very end, (resort, photog) we will see how much they give and call it a bonus! That is probably the smartest thing…. Hopefully we can come up with enough at the end!!! Sheesh

[akbeach]

Traditionally, the groom's fam pays for the bar costs and the rehearsal dinner. Since we did all inclusive, they offered to pay $600 for DIY invites and postage and they paid for AHR in their home town (catch- they got to make all of the decisions which was good and bad). It really helped us. You can always ask and not get mad if they say no. Good luck!