The Never Ending Guestlist

[Outdoor_girl1010]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sheree10 This would be ideal... we probably won't hear the end of it.

Oh yeah we heard about it for a while. The comments have died down for the most part. When my FMIL says anything about it now I just let it go in one ear and out the other. Thats all you can do with people who want to keep bring something up.

[Sheree10]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hoosierfan We invited 140 and we are going to have 70 - so you are probably safe with planning for 50% for a DW. BUT, we are also paying for the whole thing, so when my Dad asked to invite his cousins, I said, "well, then we will have to invite mom's cousins and my FI's parents cousins and we really hadn't planned on adding that many additional people". My Dad forgot that whatever he added, we had to do the same for my FI's side - that may help you FIML understand.

I think you're right. On average about 50% of DW guests actually attend. 70 is a nice number you all should have plenty of fun.

[Erika J]

We invited like 150 and 60 are coming.

[Weddingin2010]

We had a very similar situation with our mothers. We did DIY message in a bottle invites and they got pretty pricey once we added in postage, so our compromise was to make extras for the moms to send but they were responsible for the cost of mailing them. We also pushed heavily for them to wait and send announcements and AHR invites to those on their list we really weren't intending to invite on our cruise.

 

Worked out well and everyone was happy in the end.

[hockeymom97]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hoosierfan We invited 140 and we are going to have 70 - so you are probably safe with planning for 50% for a DW. BUT, we are also paying for the whole thing, so when my Dad asked to invite his cousins, I said, "well, then we will have to invite mom's cousins and my FI's parents cousins and we really hadn't planned on adding that many additional people". My Dad forgot that whatever he added, we had to do the same for my FI's side - that may help you FIML understand.

omg, that is EXACTLY how my guest list got out of control. But FMIL still didn't get it. At first she kept telling me "I only invited 11 people"......well what that meant was that she invited 11 couples - so right there we had 22 people - not including her and her husband or FI's brother and SIL - so 26 on his side; which really doesn't sound bad on it's own. However I told her, if we invite aunts/uncles cousins on FI's side, then I need to do the same on my side and I have a HUGE family. So I will admit that 75% of the guest list is my side of the family, but I felt obligated to invite them because I knew I would hear about it if we invited aunts/uncles/cousins on FI's side, but then not on mine.

At this point it's over and done with, so I'm just trying to deal with it, but it does feel good to come here and vent sometimes - you guys are the only ones who understand!!!

[azulskies]

I pretty much agree with what everyone is saying. Just to add, I think a lot of times people don't differentiate between announcing an engagement and actually inviting people to the wedding. I think they feel they have to send out invitations to everyone they know, even if your dream is to have a small wedding. But it's a destination wedding and if you want a small wedding, then your FI needs to explain to her that that's what you guys truly want.

 

My FMIL was trying to add some people to our guest list, just like you, people we'd never met or only met once. But she wasn't a jerk about it at all & the FI just explained how the venue would charge us more money for 50+ people, other costs would increase, etc. and she was very nice about it.

 

Sorry you're going through all this..I hope it gets better!

[cruisebride0410]

OMG - I am SO glad to hear other brides have this same issue. I must have asked my fiance a million times if there was any other family he wanted to invite and he said no. Like other DW brides, we only wanted people there who we actually know and keep in touch with. Then, after we had sent out the STDs, FMIL decided she wanted to invite all her brothers and sisters - not because they would want to come but because maybe they would send us a gift. I tried to explain to my fiance to relay the message to his mother that we are not inviting people to our wedding for the gifts we might receive but because we wanted to share our day with them, but in the end, I ended up making more STDs to appease her because it was easier than fighting.

[McToasty]

Holy crap you guys are having a HUGE DW!!! i was hoping to get a good group price, but we only have about 30 people going so i guess that's down the drain. hahaha.. i totally know what you mean tho. 30 is a comfortable number for me... but it might approach 40 with FI's family inviting friends, and that's already pushing it. i totally picture DWs as really intimate ones... and the AHRs are where the big gathering would be, if any, right?

 

At least we're not alone.

[slapsappyhappy]

Even if you invite those people there is a 99.9% chance they will not come. I am struggling with trying to get the people that I love and are really close to down there, so there is no way that a friend of my mom or dad would shell out over $2,000 to come to a person's wedding that they barely know unless they know me very well and really like me, which in that case I want them there! Send the good invites to the people who are close and you know will come, and cheaper ones to the guests that probably will not attend !

[Sheree10]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Weddingin2010 We had a very similar situation with our mothers. We did DIY message in a bottle invites and they got pretty pricey once we added in postage, so our compromise was to make extras for the moms to send but they were responsible for the cost of mailing them. We also pushed heavily for them to wait and send announcements and AHR invites to those on their list we really weren't intending to invite on our cruise. Worked out well and everyone was happy in the end.

Great idea to have them involved with sending out the invites. It all takes a lot of work. FMIL would like to have a AHR so she can invite those who didn't make the list or can't come to the wedding

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