"stop bugging me about your wedding"

[*HOLLY*]

Im sure she is busy planning her wedding. We all know weddings can be expensive but again she said yes to being a BM and she knew it was the same year as hers. That really was a bite out of excitement for you and Im sorry. Hopefully she will calm down but if not its ok to have one less BM it happens.

[karenk77]

I agree with Love3..my motto was always "in order to have a friend you have to know how to be one", and if someone isn't a friend to you they don't deserve having you as a friend. Financial situation is one thing...how it's said to you is another. We are all in the same boat of asking people to tap into their finances to come to our wedding, and with that in mind we are all aware that some people wont be able to make it and still all decided to have it away anyway..with the understanding that some people may not be able to come and we are all ok with that (as hurtful as it may be, we do all understand). BUT to say stop bugging me? F that!!!

[Billisa]

Thanks for your replies ladies! I am *so* glad to hear I'm not alone in this. I wish I could have a more definite answer from her, not to mention several other people (all on my side, hemming and hawing...just tell me yes or no!!!!). But this whole DW thing is not as planned out as most weddings so I guess the "last minute decision" will have to stand.

 

I spoke with her again (msn'd, lol) and I asked her why she thought I was bugging her about the wedding. I hardly mention it! I told her I'm nothing compared to some brides! I'm not asking her to spend $900 on a bridesmaid dress!

 

She's never been a bridesmaid before so she doesn't realize there are costs involved. She reeeallly wanted to be my BM so I had no problem with it, now it's this "last minute decision" bs...

 

thanks for letting me vent. hugs to you all.

[Jacqueline]

Ew, that was pretty rotten to say to you. I am sure she is stressed (um, aren't we all?) but that's no reason for her to be crude to you about your wedding. Ah, what is wrong with people!? Try not to let her upset you, really. Weddings bring out the worst (and yes, the best too) in people so just roll with it for now. If she continues to be rude, simply tell her to shove it ;o} And I agree- "In order to have a friend, you have to know how to BE one."

[karenk77]

She doesnt realize the cost? ok maybe if she wasnt planning her OWN wedding! But she is..and she knows. Maybe she is jealous..whatever her problem is it shouldnt become yours..this is your time and don't let her lack of sensitivity ruin it for you. ..and as for the having to spend $900 bridesmaid dress comment? THAT WAS ME!!! LOL.

[cbell]

If she needs to wait until the last minute and is already stressed about the $$ definitely tell her that it's probably best she's not in it. I had a similar situation, my MOH always talked about being my MOH (friends since middle school) so I asked her and she agreed knowing it was going to be in Mexico. Then came her complaints about how expensive it was and I told her she didn't have to come, we didn't want anyone to stretch their budget too much to come to our wedding. But she made arrangements and said she's in.

 

I had to schedule our dress fitting around her schedule for her and my sisters. Then came the bachelorette party discussions and she was being difficult with the scheduling and costs. She also asked if I had a backup plan in case the violence was too bad in Cancun at the time of the wedding....major Debbie Downer. In the end she's going to the wedding but not as my MOH and unfortunately it created a lot of unnecessary stress and issues with my mom and my sisters.

 

If you think she'll end up like this my advice is to cut her out of the wedding now and if she comes to the wedding great, if not don't sweat it. Focus on everyone else that's excited about going and how much fun you're going to have!!

[cruisebride0410]

Hopefully you caught her in a stressful time and her attitude will change with time. I am sure she is stressed about her own wedding plus paying to go to yours. Maybe you can find a really great deal on a BM/MOH dress so she will have one less stress to worry about!

[islandbride317]

I'm so sorry to hear about the unnecessary drama you're dealing with involving your bridesmaid right now.....it stinks to be soooo excited about something, and feel like there is no one you can share it with!

 

Please don't take offense, but whenever I read situations like this, it reminds me why I decided NOT to have any bridesmaids. That way, no one feels obligated to go if they can't afford it. And with the economy being such a mess right now, I didn't think it would be fair of me to ask them to be in my wedding especially since my FI and I aren't/can't afford to cover their travel expenses. Bridesmaids = drama in my book!

 

I say if she can't afford to go, let her be excused from the wedding, and try not to take it personally if at all possible. I know it puts you in a bad spot, but would you want her there if she was pouting and complaining the whole time anyway if she DID go? I think that would be worse than her missing it, for sure!

 

And my theory is that she is probably acting hostile because she is jealous about your wedding and all of the neat plans you have, plus she's also probably embarrassed that they are having financial issues at all (more of less no money for their wedding, so it inevitable will not be as cool as yours in the end).

 

She's behaving like a little kid who's pouting because her best friend just a got a toy that is better than hers, so now she doesn't want to play at all, am I right?! Try to remain calm, and tell her it's okay to step down and that you hope her finances turn back around soon.

 

good luck

[karenk77]

If it makes you feel any better I saw one of my best friends yesterday who I went to like 3 bachelorette parties for her(she had 4 actually lol), went to a dinner rehearsal of hers which I showed up noone was there..i call 2 find out where they are they decided to cancel and just never tell me..ran to the hospital the day she gave birth..u name anything shes been thru in life i've been there

last night I get a "oh so u set the date..well i'll see what i can do", in the coldest most non give a F way possible.

lovely.

Thats why i also am not having a bridal party..moh & bm..family and thats it.

[Billisa]

Quote:

Originally Posted by karenk77 She doesnt realize the cost? ok maybe if she wasnt planning her OWN wedding! But she is..and she knows. Maybe she is jealous..whatever her problem is it shouldnt become yours..this is your time and don't let her lack of sensitivity ruin it for you. ..and as for the having to spend $900 bridesmaid dress comment? THAT WAS ME!!! LOL.

LOL - yeah, that really has become a conversation piece, that one...hope you don't mind I'm sharing your story there!

My FI thinks she's jealous, and that could very well be...I think that anything regarding $$ right now is a verrrrry touchy subject. And I told her I just want this wedding to be fun and stress-free, for EVERYONE involved. Am I asking the impossible?