"stop bugging me about your wedding"

[Islandbride2b]

very well said everyone took the words right out of my mouth! Chin up girly, things will be better and thats what you have us for... we dont mind listening to rants and raves and frustrations.. as well as some awesome deals. why do people always think that the best things come in expensive packages?!!

[karenk77]

LOL i dont mind at all! A..i love laughing at myself and because that was the truth...she picked $900 dollar dresses that we were having custom made..that were SOOOOO ugly..like so ugly I cant emphasize enough how ugly..and what did i do? got the dress..wore it with pleasure because whatever it took to make her happy I was willing to do. If she asked me to wear a garbage bag i'd have done the same and wore it with the same pride..(and I have been in NINE weddings..so I have a collection of these dresses and never once said a word other then how happy i was to share the day with the respective bride), but now when its reversed and its my turn..everything is an inconvienance i love it. So no i dont think you're asking for the impossible..but our friends and family seem to tthink so lol. they will "see what they can do"

[Lady_Di]

Quote:

Originally Posted by karenk77 LOL i dont mind at all! A..i love laughing at myself and because that was the truth...she picked $900 dollar dresses that we were having custom made..that were SOOOOO ugly..like so ugly I cant emphasize enough how ugly..and what did i do? got the dress..wore it with pleasure because whatever it took to make her happy I was willing to do. If she asked me to wear a garbage bag i'd have done the same and wore it with the same pride..(and I have been in NINE weddings..so I have a collection of these dresses and never once said a word other then how happy i was to share the day with the respective bride), but now when its reversed and its my turn..everything is an inconvienance i love it. So no i dont think you're asking for the impossible..but our friends and family seem to tthink so lol. they will "see what they can do"

Girl, are you rich or something? I couldn't pay $900 for a bridesmaid! I thought $140 was a lot! Haha.

[karenk77]

rich? lmao..no! pissed was more like it..but that wasnt recent it was a few yrs ago and it was a tricky situation because the girl that got married her mother & my mom were best friends for years since childhood so she & I grew up together, so I couldnt say I didn't want to be in it we were like family..it was a whole mess.

[rodent]

Quote:

Originally Posted by karenk77 LOL i dont mind at all! A..i love laughing at myself and because that was the truth...she picked $900 dollar dresses that we were having custom made..that were SOOOOO ugly..like so ugly I cant emphasize enough how ugly..and what did i do? got the dress..wore it with pleasure because whatever it took to make her happy I was willing to do. If she asked me to wear a garbage bag i'd have done the same and wore it with the same pride..(and I have been in NINE weddings..so I have a collection of these dresses and never once said a word other then how happy i was to share the day with the respective bride), but now when its reversed and its my turn..everything is an inconvienance i love it. So no i dont think you're asking for the impossible..but our friends and family seem to tthink so lol. they will "see what they can do"

You sound like a great friend, but I don't think you should ever have to spend $900 on a BM dress or wear a garbage bag with a smile. Bridesmaids should be able to say no to things. If a friend picked out a dress over $300, I'd say no. I prefer to not go over $100, but one of my friends picked out a $240 dress that I was able to find online a lot cheaper so it was fine.

People often say the line about "they agreed to be a BM" but it's not like they were given a breakdown of prices when they agreed & time to think about their reply. I've tried to say no. It's nearly impossible.

Sometimes it's OK for bridesmaids to speak up. Sometimes brides are unreasonable.

To many people, a $1700 expense to fly to someone's wedding is unreasonable. I think it needs to be made a lot easier for people to say no. I think a lot of the problems come from the bridesmaids saying yes feeling obligated & then growing to resent the stress it's putting them under. Not that it's the brides fault. They should speak up for themselves early instead of passive aggressive statements along the way leading up to a blow up.

It's the same story so often on here. Either so many members have bad friends or things need to be approached differently.

[karenk77]

Truthfully..your right, but I also think its personality. Like in all honesty I never resented anything..I was all into whatever it is they wanted knowing it was making them happy. I didn't care, because it's not my place to care..my place is to be there for the person in whatever capacity knowing that I am just there for them...my resentment actually came when it was my turn. And i am not even talking about bridesmaid issues, because i decided when we planned our wedding I didn;t want the whole bridal party thing to avoid any imposition on anyone..because then they really feel obligated to come if they cant and i didnt want that burden on anyone. I am having my sister as a MOH, his bestman..family and thats it. I'm angry at the responses that I am getting from people (the same people i did this for) in regards to having to come out for our wedding. I think I have to stop expecting people to act like me..and stop doing so much for others. not that I do things with the intention of getting anything back..but if its not recipricated then how is it friendship

[rodent]

Quote:

Originally Posted by karenk77 Truthfully..your right, but I also think its personality. Like in all honesty I never resented anything..I was all into whatever it is they wanted knowing it was making them happy. I didn't care, because it's not my place to care..my place is to be there for the person in whatever capacity knowing that I am just there for them...my resentment actually came when it was my turn. And i am not even talking about bridesmaid issues, because i decided when we planned our wedding I didn;t want the whole bridal party thing to avoid any imposition on anyone..because then they really feel obligated to come if they cant and i didnt want that burden on anyone. I am having my sister as a MOH, his bestman..family and thats it. I'm angry at the responses that I am getting from people (the same people i did this for) in regards to having to come out for our wedding. I think I have to stop expecting people to act like me..and stop doing so much for others. not that I do things with the intention of getting anything back..but if its not recipricated then how is it friendship

very good point. I'm someone that would have resented it. I'd probably never get over the $900 dress for the sake of the friendship I would have had to say no.

You are probably right that you can't expect others to be like you. If I ever feel let down by people around me, I try to think about who in my life is always there for me. My mom & my husband are always top on this list so they get the best of me. Others, who don't always recipricate get my best when I am in the mood or have time. not that I'm not a good friend, I just don't always try so hard.

We are at a tie for nine weddings. Sometimes while planning my wedding I felt like I had been there for so many people, but I knew they wouldn't be coming to my wedding. My husband is one of the kindest people who is always going out of his way to help people and none of his friends came. There were moments when it upset me, but I did agree these friends shouldn't have made the trip. They all had really good reasons why it wasn't a good time for the trip. I think it was during this time that I came to the realization that I'd be happier with lower expectations for everyone but my husband. Any time I feel let down by people, I just do something nice for him & it always comes back to me much bigger.

By nature, most people are selfish. But, maybe that isn't so bad. We only need a few people in our lives who care more about us than themselves.

[karenk77]

You're so right and thank you. I just realized I rather be the one dissapointed then ever be the person that is dissapointing.

[SSNM]

So I just read this...I would have ousted her as a BM. You don't need the hassle and stress. That was very rude of her to say although I agree that she may have not realized the extent of her rudeness and was just stressed about finances. Just cut her loose.

[kate.com]

Just wanted to say that i totally understand. You have a right to be disappointed. I think all DW brides that invite a group of friends and family are disappointed by lack of support at one time or another.

Let me just say that in the end it all works out. And the group that does come will be the group that's meant to be:)