"stop bugging me about your wedding"

[Billisa]

...ACTUAL QUOTE OFF MSN FROM MY BRIDESMAID TODAY.

 

A little background: my bridesmaid is not my maid of honour (MOH lives in the US, I'm in Canada) but she lives in the same city as me so she is doing a lot of the MOH duties.

 

So...I was happily/excitedly chatting with her about the OOT bags and how many great ideas I was getting from this site to visit Dollar Stores etc. She msn'd to me "DOLLAR STORE? You're asking us to spend $1700 on you for your wedding and all we get is dollar store stuff?" Then she added the smiley, so it was a joke...but it really wasn't, kwim?

 

It kind of killed my buzz. In fact it really killed it. I get so excited thinking about all the little details and you'd hope that your best friend would be on board with you...but she has been complaining so loudly lately about how broke she and her fiance are - yes - they are getting married too the very same year, in which I am a bridesmaid. Gah!

 

So, the point is, I told her she was off the hook and that I totally understand if they don't come due to $$$. She said it would be a last -minute decision if they do come. I said you're a bridesmaid, it can't be a last-minute decision! But I said I was so sorry about her financial situation and that I would do anything I could to help with the stress of the situation. Her reply?

 

"Stop bugging me about your wedding. I know it's frustrating because it's your day and your wedding, and it's not a case of us not wanting to go, it's just that we're so broke at the moment that it will be a last minute decision due to finances."

 

And as a kicker, I look at my fiance's 2 best friends, who were first to pre-book as groomsmen.

 

At least I have my MOH but now I'm thinking that's it for me.

 

Anyone else have a similar story? Sorry for the long post. I'm just frustrated, hurt, and mad at the same time.

[Lady_Di]

I am thinking that she said that because she was really frustrated with her financial situation. That was rude of her to say that... i am sure she didnt mean that!

 

You did a right thing by telling her that she does not have to come and you will understand.

 

If she keeps telling you stuff like that then it's best to not have her as a bridesmaid. Who wants someone to keep being negative due to her own personal situation?? That is not right.

[autjo]

I am pretty sure everyone on BDW has or is going through this same kind of nonsense. I believe I have posted 100 times this week about how stupid people get around weddings. This is the main reason we are having our brothers stand with us and no one else. I have 5 un-official bridesmaids but didn't want to deal with the drama that comes with girls. We all live in different cities and actually got to hang out last weekend. One of the girls is also engaged so she wanted to talk about the wedding the whole weekend. But one of the girls is single and kept saying "are you reallly talking about weddings again blah blah blah". Another one of the girls is preggo and has barely said 2 words to me about the wedding. It kinda sux when the people you think will be excited for you aren't.

 

But on to the bright side... this forum helps so much! Come here to vent and talk about your dollar store finds. We all love to hear about 20 cent luggage tags and $1 save the dates. We are all in very similar situations and can empathize with most rants about wedding stuff!

 

All in all, the wedding is about you and FI and no one else. If people come then it is a total bonus, if not it will still be the happiest day of your life

[Sheree10]

I hope everything works out for you. I know it's financially difficult for her right now but since she plays a big part in the wedding she should let you know whether she can attend or not. Maybe being a bridesmaid may be too much for her financially.

[Sheree10]

I try not to talk about the wedding too much with other people. I do share a lot with FI.

[amandseth]

I totally hear you. My MOH finally told me she wasn't going to make it, but would still take on the MOH duties. When it came time to plan the stagette, she got pissed off that I wanted to have input into the activities and refused to make it a weekend event, as I had indicated would be necessary since I had out of town guests coming in. Gave me three dates to choose from; Sept long weekend, Thanksgiving weekend or the weekend before the wedding. None of which suited me or my guests at all. When I told her this she had a fit and told me to plan it then. On top of it all, she told me every other weekend she was in school and would have to leave early to get to class the next day.

I do a lot for this friend, I am goddaughter to her daughter and take on a huge amount of responsibility on a regular basis by caring for her daughter while she goes out of town to work for 4-5 days a month. I never get anything in return but a thanks, and have never asked for anything from her. I never resented that fact until this went down. I told her exactly how I felt about her actions, which ended with me crying on my end of the phone and her yelling on hers.

I've been friends with this girl for 15 years. I am godmother to her daughter, so as frustrated as I was, this was not a friendship I was going to have destroyed by my wedding.

Finally, I wound up telling her that I want her to be aware of how hurt I was, but she should do whatever makes her happy.

In the weeks following, she has booked on a cheaper package to my wedding, and daily checks in with wedding inquiries. She's not the type to admit fault, but I can see through her actions that she is trying to make amends. I'm happy that I didn't throw the relationship away, and feel that there must've been more going on with her that I wasn't aware of the day(s) during this epic fallout.

Could be your friend is jealous of your plans, or your dw, or may be stressed with her own planning or life. I'm sure her intent is not to hurt you, but she likely isn't thinking beofre she speaks. I know that for this friend, she felt really guilty about not being able to come due to $$, and it was frustrating for her when I pressured her.

Maybe look into some cheaper options for your friend, even other resorts, and she could be there on a day pass for the wedding. I'm sure she'd appreciate the effort.

And be honest with her. Just a simple, 'I was a bit hurt over the conversation we had yesterday' may prompt her to clarify her intent and make her check herself in the future.

Good luck. Many friendships are ruined over this kind of thing. Don't be the statistic. It's one day compared to a lifetime.

[deleted]

I'm sorry, that had to really hurt Hugs to you. It sounds like it's more of a reflection on herself than on you.

[shellk]

i know this is really hard for you and she should not have said this but i would give her some space and do the planning without her.she will have to understand this and know you can,t do any other.she should be supporting you right now

[vlynnw]

I think she's just venting about her situation and taking it out on you. She shouldn't have said that and hopefully it was only out of frustration due to her financial strains. I hope everything works out though and that she makes it to your wedding!

[Love3]

wow I would give her the boot now!