Should we Pay for Our Bestman's Cruise?????

[Prettyhazardous]

And If so how?

 

Here's the situation.....

 

Everyone's getting antsy for the wedding cruise. (8 day Caribbean cruise leaving 11.7.09) Our balances are due Monday 8.24.09 and our bestman is going to have to back out.

 

He'd only be able to go at this point if we were able to pay for him and we just can't do it at this time. We paid his $300 deposit and we gave him $150 for the deposit that he never even used (he never sent in the 1st $150 we gave him so in total we have given him $450 at this point. Oh and we also purchased his $150 outfit for the wedding). He still owes $447 on his cruise. Plus he has no flight and hasn't got his passport.

 

I feel like he was really taking advantage of us as he has put forth no effort to do anything. So Brian (FI) made the decision that we need to cancel his booking. I spoke with our PVP (Carnival Planner) today and the girl staying in his room is going to be added to another room (now that room will have 3 girls so their price will be $200 less that what it was supposed to be), and we will get our $300 deposit forwarded to our room.

 

I feel really bad ab all of this bc he was the only person going on the trip for Brian...(As you all know from my other venting Brian has no contact with his family and our BM is literally his only friend) But realistically the $ is due Monday and we hadn't budgeted for this. So now i have like 10 friends and 30 family members going and Brian has no one.

 

This has been really stressful for both of us. I honestly had no problem paying for him but we just cant afford the additional $447 by Monday.... It would have been different if he was upfront with us about it earlier on. I just wish there was a way we could come up with the $$. But on the other hand this guy is a musician (and makes no real $$ I know bc his job is my fi's parttime job and believe me when I say they make pennies, not that I'm being judgmental or anything i'm just stating facts) with no other job and he is taking no initiative to find a "real" job so why should Brian and I work 2 real jobs a piece, to send him on vacation

 

Please don't get me wrong. I really like my Fi's bestie... He's a great guy, but we have to pay over $1000 for our trip by Monday so if we pay for him it will create a financial burden on us, which my fi is extremely opposed to. I however am a social worker so I'm used to being broke haha....

 

Does anyone have any advice, on whether or not we should pay for him and if so how, I normally would ask my parents for $$$ but they ended up having to pay off some family member's cruises at the last minute so I'm not willing to ask them for an additional $$447

 

What to do... What to do

[jmiranda]

I feel that if he really wanted to be there that he would have come up with the money on his own or at least be up front with both of you from the start. its unfair for both you to have all the wedding expenses and still have to worry about paying for his trip. I do understand that it is hard knowing that your FI has no one on his side going.

 

Did BM ask you guys to pay for him? Is there any way where mayne someone else can lend him the money?

 

Will he even have enough time to get his passport and pay for it on his own?

[cruisebride0410]

Wow -that's a tough one. I agree that if this was a priority, he would have budgeted appropriately and certainly taken an initiative to get a passport. I also think he should be taking some initiative at this point and finding someone to loan him the $$. It will be hard for your fiance to be minus a best man, but I don't think it's worth you creating a financial burden. You are definitely between a rock and a hard place :-/

[farrahla]

This is so tough. Yes, I agree that it is irritating that he hasn't even made the initiative to get his passport, and that he let you pay this much without a "plan" for how he could get the rest. I paid for one of my bridesmaid's entire trip, dress, etc., because I really wanted her there. As much as she wants to go, it was just wasn't working for her financially. So I think you should think about your FI, and how important it is for him to have that "one" person there coming for him. Guys like to say they don't care about stuff, but it is probably really important he come.

[KLaBate54]

This definitely puts you in a tough spot, but I honestly don't think you should have to pay for his trip. I'm sure he had more than enough time to plan for this expnese, so you shouldn't have pick it up just because he didn't plan accordingly. I also agree with cruisebride that if this was a priority to him he would have taken a little more initiative in having everything organized...epecially like getting his passport! Or even approach you both to let you know he's having issues paying. I understand where you're coming from though, in that this would have been the only person there specifically for your FI...but on the other side, EVERYONE that is going is going to celebrate with BOTH of you...not just you. So I wouldn't put yourself in bad financial spot just to cover his cost. You will have an amazing wedding even if he isn't there!

[Prettyhazardous]

I think he should have enuf time to get his passport (if it gets rushed), but realistically it's not that big of a deal since we are on a cruise. The rule is constantly being pushed back ab whens it's mandatory to have the passport for cruise leaving and returning to the US.

No he's never come out and asked us to pay for his entire trip. Just his deposit which he was supposed to pay back but we told him that we didn't need it. I really have no problem paying for a member of the bridal party. We put $$ on the entire bridal party's trips. We really want him there so we would have paid for his entire trip flight everything, if we knew in advance. But we just really can't do it right now. We have mortgage and other bills coming out so we can't do it by Monday. (We are not cc users we want no wedding debt after the wedding and we have been doing good with this thus far).

This is really hard. They are at practice now. So hopefully magically fi will come home with a plan. But the BM just sold one of his keyboards to pay his bills so I know he cant come up with the $$$... It's up to us.

[Lady_Di]

I really think if he really wanted to go, he would do everything to go. You said you gave him the $150 and he never sent it in...Maybe he's embarrassed that you guys are paying for him or something?

[kate.com]

So tough! No, you shouldn't have to take care of him... but it stinks that it is your FI only fam/friend.

 

SO, I guess I would support my man... and whatever he decides is best. If he is willing to take on a little debt to have him there, support his decision. It is small in the grand scheme of things.

 

Good luck-

[KittenHeart]

It'd definitely not fair for the BM to put you both in this situation first of all, he should have been up front from the beginning. Does he have no one he can borrow them money from or put on a credit card? This definitely shouldn't be your burden and it's a tough situation to be put in for your wedding ESPECIALLY since he's your FI's only friend coming.

 

If he wasn't you're FI's only friend I'd say he either needs to work out some sort of payment plan to you both or figure it out himself. Since he's FI's only friend... IMHO, I know I'd be irritated with the BM but it would be worth it to make FI happy he had he's main man there on the special day.

 

I'd say you work up an agreement, maybe see if he can come up with SOME of it, or at least the flight. Is he not working right now or something?

[~Debra~]

I agree with Kate, I think the decision as to whether you guys pay for his trip should be up to your FI and I think you should completely support whatever decision he makes. Don't get me wrong, I completely get why you don't want to and you guys definitely shouldn't have to. By not speaking up, he's put himself and you guys in a terrible predicament. I think, though, it is a small sacrifice compared to how happy your FI will be to have him there; especially since no one else is coming from his side. And maybe the bestman can work out SOME way to pay you guys back.