My bridesmaid won't go to Mexico.

[KRama]

I've had my bridesmaids picked out for several years now and was so excited to be engaged and finally put my "plan" into action. The FI and I have decided to get married in Mexico and our friends and family are more than thrilled to be part of it. When we chose this destination and I knew I would be putting one of my BM's in an awkward situation. A distant relative of hers died while vactationing in Mexico several years ago and the family has never been satisfied with how the death was handled, even accusing the authorities of covering up evidence. This BM has now told me that based on principle, she just cannot bring herself to support the Mexican tourism industry (her exact words) and that she can't be a bridesmaid if this is the destination I choose. She has been difficult from the beginning, first with the location, then with the color of the dresses, and often trashing the ideas I had for the wedding. In a way I was grateful that she decided to back out so I wouldn't have to confront her about her bad attitude but now I'm just angry that it is more important to her to NOT support Mexico than to support ME, her supposed best friend, on my wedding day!

 

Am I being completely unreasonable here??

[vlynnw]

No you are not being unreasonable. I would hope that my best friend would put aside her personal struggles to be there for me on my important day and be more concerned with that than a country. I guess it probably is best though that she backed out - because you wouldn't want her pessimism causing you any more stress than it already has once you reach your destination. Especially since her bad attitude seemed to be targeted at more details than just the location you chose.

 

I hope it all works out though between the two of you.

[Love3]

That sucks about her negativity! I can undersand if someone close to her died and her not wanting to go back there for her own reasons, and yes you are her best friend but I think I would have to take the friends side on this one. Yes it would hurt me like hell if my friend couldn't be there for me, but put yourself in her shoes for a sec. It is a diff situation but I see both sides here. I think it would be good for you two to talk about this so there are no pent up feelings that explode!

[Jo 2010]

I dont think you are being unreasonable.

 

I had family and friends dissapointed about us having a desination wedding - but at the end of the day, the wedding is about you and your FI,if other people are there to share it - thats fantatic, but at the end of the day, when you choose a DW you have to be OK if its just the too of you...

 

I think she has probably done you a favour backing out if thats going to be her attitude. I dont know her or you or your history, but if she is being that difficult for her best firend, i get the feeling there is something else going on. Could she be jealous?

[kate.com]

If she isn't going to support you on your day, then what is the point of a BM?

Your right by saying you got an easy out! Try not to worry/stress about it any more.

[Amarillis]

I totally agree with the previous posts, this wedding is about supporting you, not the Mexican Board of Tourism.

 

Sorry you are going through this, but this could be a blessing in disguise.

[becks]

Frankly, count your blessings. It sounds like she was going to be one of "those" BMs anyway. If I were guessing, I'd say that she may have decided that she just didn't want to go, didn't want to wear the dress, didn't want *something* and this just a convenient reason to give you.

 

My advice is to be incredibly (or falsely) gracious about it and move on. It's totally not worth the headache to worry over.

[super19]

You are not being unreasonable at all! While it's unfortunate that she had a distant relative die in Mexico, it seems she is the unreasonable one by holding the entire country responsible for the death and investigation that occured.

 

Count yourself lucky she backed out now so you don't have to put up with her attitude and have a great wedding.

[KRama]

Thanks for the support ladies! I agree that this is probably a blessing in disguise seeing how difficult she was proving to work with. And we haven't let this affect our friendship at all. If anything, she's constantly looking for reassurance that I'm not upset with her and she is making an effort to still be involved in the planning. I also agree with becks, that there may be an underlying reason why she decided to back out that may not be entirely related to her whole "Mexican Board of Tourism" excuse.

 

Either way, this is probably for the best and I'm still super excited for our wedding!

[shellk]

you are not being unreasonable at all.she should have thought before she said anything that it is your big day and she should do what ever was in her power to be part of it after you asking her to be part of your special day.she may cool down and change her mind?however if not your day will still be great all you need to think is everyone else will be there who loves you.she may be being arsey because she is angry with herself and would really like to go and is a little jealous?if she had gone about it the right way i am sure you would have understood it a little more.

 

i hope it works out