FMIL trying to stop wedding!

[sherric80]

My FMIL hates me! She has always disliked me (4 years now) & says and does really mean things to me. Now the FMIL & FFIL have asked my fiance to re-think getting married! They told him that they don't feel that I love him & that if we get married we will have a long & bitter life together. We are both very upset over this & it has added a huge amount of stress to our wedding.

How do we un-invite them to the wedding?! We have told them that if they can't be happy for us then they shouldn't come. They still plan on attending & said that they will continue to try & stop their son from marrying me.

I don't know exactly what that means, but I guess they are going to try to stop the ceremony from taking place or harrass us they days leading up to the wedding. We will all be in Jamaica for 4 days before the ceremony.

What do I do?! Please pass along any advise you have!

[KLC77]

Wow, this is terrible. I think it is in the hands of your FI. He has to sit his parents down and put his foot down. Tell them their behavior is unacceptable. While they are entitled to their opinion, in the end the decision is his and if he chooses to love you and marry you, they are just going to have to deal with it. There is no way you should have to go down for your wedding worrying about what they might be planning to ruin things.

 

I think its best if he handles it himself because you don't want to be involved and give them a reason not to like you or to hold it against you. Good luck. I can't imagine what I'd do if my MIL treated me that way.

[michelle6114]

Your Fiance' is responsible for handling this. He should tell them that he appreciates their concern, but he is happy with you and if they can't be happy and accept you as well, then they should stay home. Did anything happen in the past for them to say these things? Just curious.

[~Angela~]

Wow, what an awful situation to be in. I am so sorry you're having to deal with this when it should be one of the most exciting times in your life. I agree with the other girls. Your FI should be the one to deal with this. If it were me, I'd probably elope so they couldn't be there!!!!

[vlynnw]

I'm so sorry, that's a horrible situation to be in! You need to talk to your FI about it more, he's going to have to be the one to handle the situation and sit down with them. I'm Angela, I would probably switch the dates or just elope to keep them from being there!

[Love3]

Your FI has to grow some balls and tell his rude ass parents to back off. My FI parents are causing some crap too which is why I sound extra bitter lol. If your FI doesn't put his foot down and set them straight then really I don't think his parents or him are worth the trouble!! Hope it works out for you and you are not stressed as this should be a happy time. Don't let anyone steal your joy!!!!!!!

[itsfinallyhere]

I too am sorry that you are having to deal with such difficult people. But my best advice to you is that both of you go and deal with this issue. Maybe you could split the chore and take each one on individually. You have to get to the heart of the issue, and what their problem is. So I would have FI invite his mom to luch or dinner but instead you be there and talk to her. You must find and stand your own ground! Have FI talk to his father alone, and see how that goes. My guess is that FFIL does not really have an issue, but is going with the flow as far as FMIL wants and needs. And I think maybe that FMIL is worried that she is losing her son, and that their relationship will become a thing of the past. Or some other fear. You need to at least try to extend the olive branch and try to find middle ground. To have both parents support is a wonderful thing and will mean more to you as time passes, but that is not always possible for what ever reason. No matter what happens at least you can say you tried. Good Luck I hope you guys find that middle ground to make everyone happy.

[sherric80]

Thank you to everyone for all the kind words.

 

To answer a few questions -

The first actual "real" time spent with my FI family was not good. They decided right then & there that they didn't like me. It was right before Christmas & the MIL spent several hours telling me how aweful gift cards were as a gift & that only people who didn't care gave them out. Luckily I had picked out a beautiful cashmere sweater for her as well as my own mother! But then she gave me a pair of socks & a $25 gift card! I couldn't believe it! Then she told me that I had ruined her Christmas & it would never be the same again.

Of course each get together after that went much the same way. They would tell me they wished I wouldn't have came & that next time maybe their son could come without me, etc.

In the beginning my FI had a hard time with all of it because they always said these things to me when he would leave the room. We even went to counseling about it. Now that he understands what they say & do to me he has asked them about it. They deny most of it, but then sometimes will let something slip out like I am just ungrateful or else they will blame him.

 

As for confronting them & talking about it - we did in June. It was ugly. We met up to discuss everything & the MIL attacked me & blamed me for everything & ended by saying that her son was the only family she has (she has a husband & sister) & that I had taken him from her. The FIL just goes along with her, but then sometimes lashes out at me or his son as well. He wrote a toast that talked about how much he had enjoyed getting to know me (which he has not done) & then ended with saying he hoped he could say these words at the wedding and not regret them.

Very passive aggresive behavior I think......

 

We have now written them a letter explaining our feelings & asked them again not to attend the wedding. The worst part is that all this has driven a huge wedge between me & my FI. It is very sad to think that we are about to get married with such a stressful situation on our hands. No one wants to start a marriage like this.

 

Thanks again for listening! Sometimes it is good to just get things off your chest.

[ali0284]

I am so sorry to hear that you guys are going through this. Sometimes it's impossible to reach people; once they have their minds made up. My brother went through the same situation, his wifes mother decided she didn't like him and kicked her daughter out, etc. Needless to say, she wasn't invited to the wedding. It took a few years for my sister in law to talk to her mother again, but now talks to her on and off. Her mother still continues to pull stupid stuff.

 

Is his mom one who likes to control things? "It's my way or the highway" type of deal? It's like she's close w/him when he does things her way, and if he doesn't, she gets mad?

 

But this is the two of you starting a life together. His parents have 2 choices; they can accept you and support their son or they can be stubborn and lose their relationship with their son and lose out on getting to know you.

 

I hope everything works out for you.

[cruisebride0410]

I think writing a letter about your feelings is a great, non-confrontational way to deal with this situation. This way they can read the letter and really let the effects of their actions sink in - they are not going to get to see their son marry the woman he loves. Maybe they will come to their senses and realize they are being unreasonable before the wedding.