Am I being the psycho new wife?

[BlissfulMsMiranda]

Sorry girls, this is going to be a little long ... I'll try and make it as concise and comprehensible as possible though:

 

Hubby and I got married a few months ago (May) in Cuba - best day of my life - and we've been together for 9 years (in December). Our relationship is phenomenal ... we rarely, if ever, argue because neither one of us is confrontational, which can be a good and bad thing. Anyways, the main "issue" with our relationship is the communication thing ... I tend to bottle EVERYTHING up and just let if fester because I don't want to upset anyone, especially him, and I think that everything and anything I bring up is going to cause a problem. So, I just keep my mouth shut. Not good. However, when things REALLY get to me and I feel like I'll absolutely BURST I tend to write him long emails explaining my feelings because every time I've tried to voice my opinions in the past I just end up crying like a big baby (really mature, I know ... but I cry for everything; when I'm nervous, when I'm sad, when I'm mad, when I'm anxious ... you get the idea).

 

So here's why I think I might be a psycho:

 

My husband, Colin, sees a physiotherapist. He started seeing her probably a little over 8 months ago. He had an issue with is IT band (he was a runner) and he could barely walk so he started seeing her. We've both been to physical therapists in the past (and he's seen women before).

 

From the very first time I met this woman I felt jealous. It was such a horrible feeling. I met her after their first session and I just wanted to scratch her eyes out. She's young, pretty, knowledgeable when it comes to the body and health (something my hubby is totally into) and she's easy to talk to, very friendly. I told him how I felt right away and he made me feel like a big idiot for feeling that way, and even made me feel a little guilty for making HIM feel bad for finding someone who could take his pain away.

 

So I shut up.

 

Then a few months after that - and many physio appointments (they're actually massages, but not the oils and candles type massages) later, she recommends he does this deep breathing technique thing and she says we can do it together. However, hubby decides to do it alone with her. Now, this really irked me and got me going again. I think it was more the fact that he had this supposedly euphoric and enlightening experience with HER instead of me that really got to me.

 

Now, fast forward to last night. Hubby has another massage appointment with Katie (physio chick) and he asks me to pick him up after he's done. His appointments are usually from 5:30-6:30 or 6:45 depending on if they start on time. So, I get to the physio place around 6:35 ... and nearly 45 minutes later (around 7:20 p.m.) Katie emerges, dressed in heels and a skirt, all dolled up with her hair done and a nice pink lack bra peaking out from beneath her shirt apologizing profusely because they "got to talking."

 

Now, I don't think he's having an affair. I really don't. But, I just wanted to punch her in the face when she came out. Then Colin came out, also apologizing for being late ... they were nearly 45 minutes longer than they were supposed to be!!!

 

I think what got to me the most was the fact that for those extra 45 minutes he didn't ONCE think of me and the fact that I was waiting for him. How is it that he was so engrossed in this chick that he could completely ignore the fact that I was waiting there all that time for him??

 

So, like an idiot, I let it fester last night. I was so f*cking pissed when we were driving home, I couldn't even look at him. But he wasn't aware as I am very good at hiding things. Instead, I wrote him an email this morning and he now wants to spend time tonight to discuss everything.

 

Am I being stupid for feeling this way?? Never in my life have I been jealous of ANY girl with him. And I know he wouldn't cheat ... I just feel ... off about this woman. I don't know why. It makes me so mad to feel this way and to be so bloody unstable about it.

 

Sorry so long ...

[kate.com]

Well, I feel like you are handling yourself properly. You realize that being jealous without proof is your deal. So you are not taking it out on him... lucky guy.

However- it was totally inappropriate to keep you waiting 45 minutes to "talk" to this chick, and WTF is up with her outfit? Very unprofessional. He needs to find another therapist. Good luck!

[YaelM]

Miranda - first of all i dont think you are being psycho at all! I would probably react the same way and its totally unacceptable that he made you wait 45 mins! Id be beyond pissed at that.

 

I do however think its REALLY important that you talk this out with Collin because he probably has no idea how you really feel and im sure that will make a difference. I know you said communication is more of an issue since you keep things bottled up but in this situation i really really think you need to be completely honest with him. I think its already great that he wants to discuss things tonight with you. Good luck!!!!!

[amygirl1169]

Yikes... not a good situation to be in... But I think most girls would have the same natural reaction to their husband spending so much intimate time with an attractive female. Definitely tell him how you feel and how disrespectful it was for him to keep you waiting 45 minutes outside for him...

 

Sometimes I think guys just get caught up in a pretty girl talking to them (who isn't their wife) and lose their sense of reasoning.

 

A new physiotherapist is definitely in order!

 

Good luck to you.

[DGG]

I don't think you are being crazy at all. I think you need to talk to him (as hard as it is for you) and let him know how upset you were about yesterday and how uncomfortable you are with him seeing this woman. Even if you trust him, if you are uncomfortable with her (and she does seem pretty unprofessional dressing like that to an appt), he should respect that (and YOU) enough to find another therapist. I would definitely question her intentions dressing like that to an appt..

Good luck..

[BlissfulMsMiranda]

Thanks ladies - I really appreciate the feedback. I was a bit shocked by her apparel after the session as well ... but I think she may have just changed AFTER the appointment (or so I hope) but I was too mad to bring it up or ask him ... but I will tonight. If she was dressed like that the entire time ... NOT COOL.

 

And I'm glad we're going to talk about things ... but at the same time it makes me panicky. I hate confrontation ... like loathe it ... and I always feel like things will go badly and I'll just say something that will set him off or make him really angry at me (which has never happened before).

 

I really do feel like a mental patient LOL thanks for making me see I'm not ladies.

[~*Lisa*~]

Miranda - don't feel like a mental patient! we all have those days for various reasons. Just remember to stay calm and talk things through. I do find it weird about her attire and I would definitely question him about that and I also think it's time for a new physiotherapist! Good luck girl! *hugs*

[nicmicj]

Most women would have the same initial reaction as your had so you should not feel bad for that. You should have told him how you felt initially when it happened so that you two could discuss the situation and how it made you feel. The fact that he didn't take the time to let you know they would be a little late "talking" is inconsiderate of your time since he asked you to pick him up at the normal time. I probably would have gone in there to see what was going on after about 15 minutes especially since you say he was always done around the same time all the time.

 

Just make sure he understands how that made you feel and if you feel very anxious about the whole situation, maybe you should write some thoughts down so you say everything you want to say when you two talk tonight. That might help.

[jk1101]

Your feelings are totally normal.

I would be just as upset as you do, and I would feel panicky to talk to him about it too, and I am a cryer. But it's really important to stay calm when you talk to him and let him know that you were upset that he was inconsiderate of your time. I think you could ask him how HE would feel if you were going to a male doctor that was attractive and getting massages and then making him wait 45 minutes because you got to talking. Sometimes men have to think about things from the other perspective.

Remember to breathe when you're talking to him...sounds simple but when we're stressed and angry we don't always take regular breaths!

You can do this!!!!!

[brandynd]

Jealousy is a perfectly natural instinct. I probably would have reacted the same way if it were me. I hope that everything goes well between you two, and that you talk this out to find some resolution. Take a deep breath, and try to get your point across without getting worked up! Good luck, I'm sure it will all be fine!

Brandy