Please give me your opinions...So mad!

[sweetiekris]

If you really dont want them there then explain your reasoning to your brother in law. Also talk it over with your mother in law before you talk to him. This way you have her input on how she feels about it. Even if you do say no they can still book seprate if they wanted to. Its a hard situation that he put you in but atleast they asked. Hopefully there is no drama for you guys its your wedding and you deserve sanity and no drama.

[ali0284]

I agree with what the majortiy of people said. This is your day, and you need to do what you want. I know I wouldn't want anyone at my wedding who I didn't really know; let alone people who can cause tension. I can't even believe your FBIL would even ask that, let alone that your FSIL parents would ask that. I think that is just rude and pretty nervy of them. I would have your FI talk to his brother and explain the situation...when he does talk to his brother, I would def. make sure his wife isn't around! Goodluck! Let us know what the outcome is

[MexicoBeachBride2010]

Hey Everyone,

 

I wanted to thank you all for your advice, comments, and suggestions. I really felt alot of support from you all and it made me feel better reading comments from other brides! With that said, our attitude for our wedding has been the more the merrier and we did invite about 80 guests down to punta cana and guests were fine. This was more of a problem because her family caused tension while we were down in Jamaica for their wedding and I didn't want my in laws (I love them!) to feel upset that their other son and his wife were going off with her family and not participating and bonding with our family. I did think of inviting them just for the sake of keeping the peace, however I decided that I have settled or given in alot with things that have happened with them and have decided to hold my ground (with FI's support) and tell his brother that although we like SIL's parents that we want my family and his family to bond like they had the opportunity to have SIL's parents and my in-laws in Jamaica. I also think that the only reason SIL's parents want to come is because they want to hang out with their daughter and her new husband and seeing us get married is an after thought. It may cause tension now but at least there won't be a nasty out burst made by me the week of my wedding, which I think would do more harm anyway. I even told my FI that we should suggest we all plan a different trip at a different time with everyone since we do like SIL's parents, but feel our wedding is not the best time for this! So now that this is decided my FI has spent two days trying to talk to his brother, but he won't answer the phone or call him back. I think he knows the answer but I would like to atleast explain the reasoning. We'll see how it goes but thanks for all your help! I love this forum!

[MexicoBeachBride2010]

Quote:

Originally Posted by chantelle I am gonna play devils advocate and suggest that maybe it would help bring your family closer and help them get to know you and your family better if they went? Do you think if you (or your hubby) talked to your BIL and told him how you and the family felt during the last trip that maybe we would wake up and smarten up for your wedding? I dunno - for us it's the more the merrier. But on the flip side, if there was someone wanting to go (and who wasn't actually invited) that we knew would just cause problems for us or any of our INVITED guests, than I would 100% not want them to go. Sorry to hear you're going through some stressful family stuff...it always sucks! Good luck and I am sure everything will work out for you. On a better note - we're date twins!! Glad to have found you!

Yay for being date twins! I think it's a great date and it'll be here before we know it. Thanks for the advice and I appreciate what you said. I would have probably tried to make it an opportunity to bring everyone together, but I've waited 8 years to marry my best friend and I don't want to risk letting anyone or anything put a damper on our wedding. So for once, I'm being selfish lol. Congrats on your wedding!

[Love3]

I would have your FI address his brother and be honest to a point! If you are o.k with ruffling a liittle feathers then be completly honest. I think some people may take it the wrong way and get quite upset. Did your parents go to their wedding??

[ashey063009]

Wow-- what an unfair circumstance to put you in! I would definitely stick to your ORIGINAL invites. The beauty of at DW is that you get to keep it small, and not have to worry about the politics of inviting everyone. Just remind them that you are keeping it close friends and family only.

 

Your BIL had his opportunity to have his wedding, this time it's your turn. Why in the HELL would you have virtual "strangers" there (not to mention ones that linked to previous tensions)

 

I agree with the girls-- have your FI explain that you're keeping things small and intimate. It is ABSOLUTELY okay to say no! It's your wedding.

[angruck]

its your wedding, you are supposed to be inviting people you want to invite, not who your brother in law wants to invite. Plus they really have no connection to you and you should do everything possible to maintain as little drama as possible.

[MexicoBeachBride2010]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Love3 I would have your FI address his brother and be honest to a point! If you are o.k with ruffling a liittle feathers then be completly honest. I think some people may take it the wrong way and get quite upset. Did your parents go to their wedding??

No they only had their immediate family and themselves so 9 people including them total. And they had a picnic when they got home and didn't invite my parents/family even tho I have been dating my FI for 8 years and have known his brother. That was another reason for saying no to their request but not the deciding factor.

[SSNM]

Well everyone else said it beautifully so I can only echo their advice and say don't invite them if you don't want them there. If you don't want to get into the nitty-gritty of why, then don't -- you don't have to because it is your wedding and you decide who you want there, plain and simple.

 

In fairness though, I think wedding etiquette is not something widely known among people. I didn't know a lot about wedding etiquette until I started planning my own wedding. I have had many people assume they are invited to my wedding which really overwhelmed me. Some people just don't catch on and so you have to forgive the odd slip up. But stick to your guns.

[mrsrhbtobe]

Good for you for sticking your ground about this issue:) I'm sorry you were put into this situation (who ASKS that really?!?) but it sounds like you and your FI handled it well as a team!