Please give me your opinions...So mad!

[MexicoBeachBride2010]

Hi Everyone,

 

I am in need of unbiased opinions regarding a situation I recently found myself in. My fiance and I have been together for almost 8 years and are getting married May 18, 2010. Through out the years his brother (he's 3 years older) has had numerous bad relationships and we always assumed we would be getting married first. Last May (200 he began dating this girl and less than 6 months later they were engaged and just got married 2 weeks ago in Jamaica. My fiance and I met her parents and family for the 1st time not too long ago and they are a very tight knit family. While in Jamaica my fiance's brother spent the entire time with her family and basically ignored his own. It caused my future mother and father in law to get upset and his mom ended up crying over it. To bring everyone closer together my fiance and I decided to have his brother and our sister in law in the wedding and since then things have been really good. Today my fiance gets a call from his brother asking if her parents could come to our wedding because they had been together and her parents wanted to come. My fiance and I had sent out letters/invites to our entire family, friends, and close friends of the family months ago and have about 30 people attending our wedding. Normally I may not have cared but since things ended badly at his brother's wedding with her family being the main cause of it, I really don't want them to come and potentially cause problems at our wedding/week of fun with our guests. I personally think it is extremely rude that they asked my brother in law if they could come and also that he thought it was even appropriate to ask us. I feel like it is my wedding and we invited who we wanted and I don't think it's fair that now we are being put in this position because if we say no, his brother and our sister in law will be mad, but if we say yes they will isolate themselves with her family and make his parents upset. Either way i feel upset so I needed a place to vent. Should I say yes or no? If I say no how do I do this without causing problems. What do you think? Any help and advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Geralyn]

i agree with you...you shouldn't have to invite them just because they asked...plus if it is going to cause drama and FI's mother to be upset I would say no. I don't know what kind of relationship FI has with his brother but I would tell him to explain the situation so that his feelings won't get hurt. Good luck with everything

[julzcabo]

Just apologize and say that you already turned in your final count and that you would be penalized if you keep adding people. Also that you already had to say no to extended family and friends to keep the cost down so it would be unfair to them if you made an exception. That would mean allowing everyone else to come which will throw off your budget. Be nice and cheerful when talking to him so that he doesn't catch on to your real feelings. Suggest having a get together after the wedding so that they can hangout then or maybe promise to send them a link to the wedding pictures.

[big3n09]

I would probably be honest in the bast way I could. I would tell them how his own family felt about being ignored at their wedding and that you don't want the drama at your wedding. I would explain the potential possibilty of that happeneing and hopefully he gets it. I agree it is rude that they asked anyway, did you already explain something to your guest about people inviting others?

[KLaBate54]

First of all, I really can't believe that they asked to be invited! It definitely puts you in an awkward position. Second of all, I don't think you should feel bad at all about saying no. It's your wedding and you obviously want things to go better than at your FI's brother's. You also don't want to worry about them isolating themselves from everyone else. You can pretty much just explain that you only want it to be very close family and friends.

[amygirl1169]

I agree with big3n09, your FI should be honest and say that because of things that happened and the way his parents felt on the last trip, it's probably not a good idea and you don't want any drama at your wedding.

 

On the other hand, are her parents maybe trying to make up for it and get more involved with your FI's family and family events? (Just playing devil's advocate.... I'd be too.)

[khomac]

Quote:

Originally Posted by big3n09 I would probably be honest in the bast way I could. I would tell them how his own family felt about being ignored at their wedding and that you don't want the drama at your wedding. I would explain the potential possibilty of that happeneing and hopefully he gets it. I agree it is rude that they asked anyway, did you already explain something to your guest about people inviting others?

I agree and I agree with Amy as well. Don't go lying because it'll come back to bite you in the butt. Be sincere, genuine, and tell the brother that you want this to be a special day for you, your FI, as well as the parents. Tell him you don't want anyone to be hurt or upset. Tell him you don't want his inlaws to be upset either (so he knows you are thinking of them as well), but you are just genuinely concerned about what will happen. Be honest, apologetic, sincere, and kind.

good luck! Family drama is never nice to have around

[tracyann]

I agree that you should be honest- but one question-- does your future brother in law and his new wife realize how upset his mother was at their wedding (not making excuses, but I have seen situations where someone was very upset, but didn't want the ones that made them upset to know about it)?

 

I would try to explain that you don't want any hurt feelings but you have invited who you wish to be there since it it your wedding.

 

Good luck!!

 

Tracy

[The Mandy in Chandy]

Your FBIL probably doesn't want to hurt his wife's parent's feelings either, so I would be straight up with him, and then say your final count is in anyway, and he'll probably tell them that is the reason they can't come- unless he's vindictive. But who cares what they think anyway, how often will you have to deal with them? Especially if they are isolating themselves anyway. Meh to them.

[Kristy!]

My SIL (my brother's wife) wanted her mom to come to our wedding. I said absolutely not. I know it wouldn't be a big deal to add one more person, but if I was going to add more people, it would be some friends that we left out. I have spent holidays with her mom so it's not like I didn't know her all that much, but I'm sorry, I didn't want her there over other people we were unable to invite. I held my ground and eventually it blew over.