MOH Backing Out!!!

[NYCBridetoBe1909]

I just got an email from my MOH saying that she isn't going to be able to come to my wedding because she didn't want to travel 24 hours (12 hours with layovers each way) for a 5 day trip.

 

I'm not really sure what to do or think. I'm almost in tears right now. The email went on to say that if they flew direct, they would have to stay a week, and that would cost them $2000 or more, and that wouldn't work because they both were recently laid off and when her boyfriend found a new job he took a paycut.

 

So I TOTALLY understand the not being able to afford it because they were laid off, the part I don't understand is that they are able to afford it if they stay for 5 days and flew with layovers. However, it seems that now they "have" to stay a week (2 extra nights) the cost has become too much.

 

I don't know what to do. I really think the issue is the long flight. Yes, I understand that it sucks, but I'm her best friend. When she and her boyfriend got laid off, I let them stay at my house, rent free. I've always been there for her, and now I feel like she can't be there for me because it is inconvenient!

 

If it were just the money, FI are fortunate enough to be in a position where that isn't really an issue, we could pay for them, it would put us back, but it certainly wouldn't break us. But I can't help but be hurt by this and I worry that if I paid for the costs, I would be bitter because I can't shake the feeling that she's being a bit selfish.

 

To make matters worse, we had always intended our wedding to be very small. Myself, my FI, both sets of parents, my best friend and my FI's best friend. This means that if she doesn't come, there will be NOBODY standing next to me, which makes me sad.

 

Help. Do you guys think I'm out of line thinking it's selfish to not want to sit on a plane for 12 hours?

 

I thought having a DW was supposed to be less dramatic!

[JOSIE]

Oh no! How crushing. I think people get overwhelmed when the realize what the travel may entail and they tend to jump to conclusions and freak out a bit. If she is your BEST friend.........I think you should sit down with her and explain everything you just explained to us. Tell her how important her friendship is and thats why you chose only her to stand next to you. Ask her if you can help her work around the layovers and do more research talk to more TA's, etc etc..... How can that be the ONLY option??

 

I totally understand what you must be feeling. The best advice I can give is just.......talk to her and try to work around it.

[DanielleNDerek]

Do not pay for her. I know layovers suck but if your wedding was important to her than she'd suck it up and deal with the layover. its an inconveience but being there for your best friend should make it worth it. Can your fi's best friend not stand next to him as a best man but just be at the ceremony so you dont feel like your missing out that your friend isnt up there as your moh? i mean he could be the bestman but just not stand next to your dh during the ceremony.

[emme]

Oh my...I can't even imagine!?!?!

 

Surely there must be other travel options? No charters for direct flights? Could you pay for a portion of their travel? Hmmmm...I don't know what to say...other than I completely feel for you!!

[Geralyn]

OMG I'm so sorry! Maybe she is saying that it's the length of the flight but it could really be about the money and maybe she is embarrassed? Maybe you could sit down and have a talk with her and see if you can get her to change her mind.

I hope everything works out

[Shinbinea]

I agree - you need to talk this out with her - no one likes layovers but there is no way on earth that a lay-over would stop me from being at my best friend's wedding! There is most likely another reason why she is backing out and I think you deserve to know the truth.

 

If she is truly your best friend you owe it to each other to figure this out and put it behind you - this isn't worth losing a best friend over.

[Cassondra2009]

I'm so sorry. My maid of honor backed out as well. Her issue was financial as well as medical. Even when we offered to pay for her, she still said that she couldnt go bc of her health. I know how you feel.

 

My advice is talk to her and let her know how you feel. I honestly think that if it is truly bc of the travel time that she is definitely being selfish. I would travel for any length of time to go to my BF's wedding. Maybe she is embarrased about the money and doesn't want to tell you. I would definitely try to work something out with her though.

 

Good luck!

[Jacilynda]

oh honey, I think weddings period, are drama! I dont' know what days she's traveling or where she lives, i assumed NYC w/ you and when i looked up flights I found TONS at good prices w/ 8 hrs or less travel each way. Have you looked at flights yourself for her?

[The Mandy in Chandy]

Aww I am so sorry! I am scared my MOH is going to back out for financial reason but use another reason as an excuse...it really hurts when your best friend can see to do that to you. I don't know what type of person she is, but maybe she really wanted to go and just can't afford it? I would rather think that of her than that she just can't be bothered. I agree with the other ladies...talk to her and get to the bottom of it. I wouldn't pay for the whole trip, but if the 2 extra nights are a compromise then I don't see a problem with that.

[Sheree10]

I am so sorry to hear this. I hope you are able to work it out and have your MOH present for your big day.