In a tough spot- do I fire a bridesmaid?

eloping789 · July 4, 2009

Well, as someone who's been on both sides of this situation (as the "fired" BM and replacement for a "fired" BM) sometimes it's a HUGE relief to the BM in question to be let off the hook. When I was the fired BM, I was extraordinarily relieved that I didn't have to do it. Our friendship disintegrated to the point we no longer spoke (for reasons completely unrelated to the wedding) and honestly I was dreading it and obviously so was she. She just approached me one day and asked me if I still wanted to be in her wedding because we hadn't been talking in the last few months and she had another close friend she'd like to stand up with her. I told her I thought that was a great idea and that was that.

When I was the replacement, the situation was similar. The bride had a huge falling out with a lifelong friend that couldn't be repaired. I think that conversation might have been a bit more difficult than mine was, but in the end the bride had an entirely supportive wedding party and considerably less stress that day and since the friendship was essentially over at that point, I don't think the fired BM was overly upset about the situation either. They had already ordered the dresses, but the shop was able to cancel the order for the fired BM and get one in my size at no additional charge.

Just something to think about from her point of view. Obviously, you would have to have another difficult discussion with her, but it might be worth it in the long run however it turns out.

Good luck and I hope it all works out so that you are stress free and absolutely blissful on your wedding day!!

btn1091 · July 4, 2009

I went through a similar experience as your friend. I had a best friend of many years, we were roomates and did everything together. As soon as she got a boyfriend, we stopped hanging out completely, the only time I would see her would be at our apartment with him there. I completely understand what it feels like to be in love and in the honeymoon stage but I really felt like our friendship got "dumped".

Saying this, however, I do not agree with how she has acted towards you. I did talk to my friend and let her know that her actions hurt me and asked if perhaps he didn't HAVE to stay at our house EVERY night... while she didn't understand it then...she was able to later on. Sometimes (unfortunately) people need their own time to see how they are acting...and realize the consiquences for their behaviour. I didn't realize it either ... but I wasn't being very supportive of my friends happiness and that I wasn't being a good friend either!

So I guess my advice would be to be the bigger person (as you have been doing) and keep her as your bridesmaid. Let her know that her friendship has always been important to you and that's exactly why you wanted her to share your day with you. And all you can do is try to include her on some one on one activities that maybe you used to share together or maybe offer to help her on a study session?? If she is still being rude...then leave her be... and focus on marrying your man...and the fun everyone else (including yourself..LOL) will be having on your big day!