need opinions

[tracyann]

Hi All,

 

I am just starting all of the wedding planning, and of course I have already run into issues. My FI's sister is expecting a baby in the fall, so in choosing a destination, we were considering the little one (first we wanted Antigua, well still do, but then we were thinking Mexico would be easier for everyone to get to, and cheaper), so he was talking to his sister over the weekend, and she said that her first priority with the baby was to take him to easern europe (where they are from, and grandparents are still there) and I completly agree and understand that. My issues is with what she said next. When he mentioned Mexico she said that oh, she wouldn't go anyway because she doesn't like Mexico, but if it were somewhere she wanted to go, she might go, but definatly won't go if is someplace she doesn't want to go to. I just feel like she is being selfish (this is not the first time that she has to have her way). This is his only sibling and I want him to have his family there, but at the same time, I don't want this to be everything she wants (her wedding was last year, and that was a fiasco). Also, his parents are divorced, father is remarried but mom is very introverted and alone- I am afraid that if his sister doesn't go, his mom won't go (or if she does, he will have to spend all his time with her, becuase she refuses to be sociable- she also said she didn't want to go to Mexico-but hasn't said she won't go... yet). Then I was thinking of just forgetting the whole destination wedding, and having a small ceremony here, but that would still mean travel for his family (mine too for that matter) and honestly it would be easier and cheaper for her to get to Mexico than to KC.

 

At this point I am ready to just say forget it, lets go to to justice of the peace and be done with it, but FI wants us to have what we want (he wants a destination wedding too, but would like his family there)-- anyone have any ideas on what to do? He says it's fine without his family, but I really don't want him to regret that decision later.

 

We have just started the planning, and it is driving me crazy- I have stopped looking at places already just because it gives me a headache to think about finding a place that will be ok with his family, that won't cost them a fortune and will be "easy" to get to.

 

Am I being selfish- should I just ask his family where they are willing to go-- and plan it around that?

 

Any ideas/suggestions are appreciated!

 

Thanks!

Tracy

[~Nicole~]

I don't think you're being selfish! It all comes down to what YOU and FI want! Will he regret if his family isn't there? Maybe....but only he can decide. I'm going to be brutally honest from my experience: Even if you give in and cater to them, they will find something else to disagree on (ie the time of year, the price, the resort, you name it!!). I catered to people for my wedding and several of those people didn't have the courtesy to RSVP!! One of my important family members that I did not cater to, made the necessary arrangements and hasn't complained once. I think that the people that want to be at your wedding will, and for those who don't.....well that should be a message to your FI. If his sister is honestly that spoiled that she only wants to attend if its somewhere that she wants to go, then I would let her miss out. In all honesty, who would regret that more? She should!!!

 

Anyways, I would just hate for you to give in and then have it snowball to the point that your guests or potential guests are running the show, KWIM? I think you should sit with FI and decide what you both want and run with it! It's your day! Good luck!

[*Nadine*]

I think if its REALLY important to him that his family be there, then you might have to make a couple compromises in finding a place you guys would enjoy and also one they would go to. But with that being said, there is a chance you guys willd ecide on a location and start planning your wedding and then they will end up not going to it anyways. AT least we ran into a situation like that.

You two should just sit down, talk it out and figure out EXACTLY what you both want to make your wedding exactly what you want, and then go from there. You need to be on the same page of things that are acceptable and not though.

[jk1101]

I agree with Nikki - there are always going to be issues with these kinds of people. sit down with FI and talk to him - where can you go that YOU BOTH will be happy and his family will hopefully come too. You might find that no matter where you pick, they say no. If you let them dictate your plans, they will. If you say, this is where we're getting married, they might just say ok.

GOOD LUCK!!!!

[Gr8ful]

I read your post, and thought -- gosh not again. It seems that whenever someone starts planning a wedding, especially a destination wedding, people just start going crazy! Honestly, no matter what you do, or where you decide to get married, there will be SOMEONE who is not happy, and will complain. I think just goes with the territory.

 

At the very least, make yourselves happy and the ones who want to join you on your amazing day (b/c it WILL be amazing!), will join you and that is all that matters. Agree with cdnvb9 -- talk to the fiance, and figure out what you both want, and that's what matters the most. You are not being selfish and you are not obligated to poll your guests and plan it around them. Isn't this your wedding?

 

As an aside, my parents were NOT supportive of our getting married in Mexico, and guess what, they are going anyway, and actually bought their plane tickets last month. (A LOT of tears were shed on my part about this, believe me). The people who matter will end up going. Good luck -- I am rooting for you! I think you should do it!

[SDSteph]

You are not being selfish. I am running into similar problems with family and I have come to the realization that some people are just not going to make it and I am sorry about that but you can't make everyone happy. I FI's grand parents have already told us that they will not make it. They mean the world to me but I am not changing it around for them. I orginally thought of this as rube and selfish but after posting 'SAD AND CONFUSED' http://bestdestinationwedding.com/forum/t44751

 

I got lots of good feedback that made me feel better about the decision.

 

The whole thing makes the planning really frustrating. Do what you can to accomidate but dont beat your self up if it doesn't work for all. Because it wont.

 

People have the crazy first impressions about Mexico and I dont know why. It is a beautiful contry with great culture. But not everyone is as open minded as us.

 

Good luck and stick to your guns like I have.

 

Hope this helps.

 

xoxo

[GracieBebe]

Maybe have a compromise? If she wants to go to Eastern Europe, have you thought of possibly having your DW in Europe somewhere? Maybe in a romantic castle or something? Very princessy, very romantic, very unique! It's amazing what deals you can find if you search hard enough. We are doing our DW in a castle in France. We got an excellent deal renting the whole place exclusively for ourselves and our guests. Anyways, it's just a thought! Best of luck!

[tracyann]

Thank you all for your responses! We talked again last night, and it looks like we are going ahead with Mexico. FI thinks that his sister will "give in" and go anyway, but he said that yes he would like her there, but it really isn't about her at all- so she can either participate, or not- up to her. Also, her husband called the other night and said tht regardless if she goes, he would like to go- and is willing to go wherever we want. We are going to go ahead and plan what we want and it will be up to them to join us.

 

Now, on to finding a resort (ugh).

 

Thanks again!

Tracy

[DanielleNDerek]

glad you guys talked this over. and how funny that her hubby is in no matter what, i'm sure she'd change her mind especially if her hubby is going to her bros wedding. she'd kinda look like an ass if she didnt go.

[Shinbinea]

I think your doing the right thing by going ahead with it - the more time you spend trying to satisfy everyone else's demands and opinions regarding your wedding the less you are going to enjoy planning your wedding.

 

I'm not saying that you should never compromise but at the end of the day as long as both and your FI are happy everyone else can learn to deal with it.