Michael Jacksons Death has caused a whirlwind of emotions

SgtPepperette · June 28, 2009

So the news of Michael Jacksons death has really affected me in a way I wasnt expecting. At first it didnt, but than yesterday when I was at the gym every TV had coverage on it. So as I working out I couldnt help but be sucked into the TV's reading all the captions.

One thing in particular that gave me chills was the 911 call. My dad passed away suddenly from a massive heart attack a little over a year ago. Suddenly I started to have flashbacks of that dreadful morning. The call I received from my mom with her screaming that he wasnt breathing. The call I got from my sister telling me he was gone.

As I was walking out of the gym I saw an elderly man coming into the gym for his own workout. My dad was 69 when he passed. He was older than most people my age dads are. So whenever I see elderly people I get sad. Very sad. And mad. Its weird. But I know its part of grieving.

So as I looked at that man I got really sad. I wanted to go up to him and hug him. Before I got to my car I already had tears in my eyes. I sobbed all the way home. I miss him so much it hurts. I havent had a cry in awhile so it was probably due.

The rest of the night I replayed that horrible day in my head. I couldnt stop it. Than as I hear and read peoples reactions about Michael Jackson I also got overwhelmed with emotions. My opinion on MJ is probably not as popular as most. I truly believe his growth was stunted. He thought he was a child. The things he did was strange, yes, but could he really help it. My mom has that same mentality. Some of her actions are absolutely ridlicious, but her brain is that of a child. And she cant help the actions she does. To an extent of course.

Im estranged from my mom because of the actions she did after my dads passing. So than I sat there and thought of my current relationship with my mother, and how maybe what Im doing is wrong. Cutting her out of my life may not be the best solution. Could she truly feel the way MJ felt...stuck in this painful life? I know thats getting way to deep but it was on my mind.

I know she is happy with her life right now, at least certain aspects of it. But I do walk on eggshells around her because of how she might react. Which I feel might be the case of people in MJ's life. I recently mailed her a letter asking her to continue to give me my distance, and stop calling me at work. I was very careful with my words because I was literally afraid she might harm herself if she interpret my words wrong.

Im not sure where Im going with this. I just needed to get this out. But I never expected a celebrity death to bring on so many emotions about the current state of my life.

estella1007 · June 28, 2009

I don't know what to say, other than I hope you get through this, and know that there are so many amazing girls here that will listen any time if it helps.

Jessica · June 28, 2009

It's amazing how the most unsuspecting things can trigger feelings related to traumas we've had in our lives. What you are feeling is totally normal because you are able to relate parts of this story to your own life.

I can empathize with your conflicting feelings when dealing with a family member who has the emotional age of someone much younger. My SIL has impaired cognitive abilities and although she is 30 has the mind of someone much, much younger. It's hard to navigate between being understanding of this impairment but also not wanting to be affected by some of the inappropriate behaviors, etc that come with it.

I'm extremely sorry to hear about your father and know it must be very painful for you to have to re-live this again so unexpectedly. If anything take this whole situation as an opportunity to continue to reflect on your relationship with your mother and what the next step you want to take regarding the relationship is.

I wish you the best of luck on getting through everything.

Geralyn · June 28, 2009

I can totally relate to how your feeling. My dad died on New years Eve and the weirdest thing set me off now. I will start crying out of no where. I held it together for the last couple weeks but the days leading up to fathers day eveything made me cry.

You have to just know that it's all part of the grieving process and it's okay to feel the way you do. Best of luck with everything....you will get through it. That's what I keep saying to myself.