Help needed...?

Peachy~Girl · June 21, 2009

Ok a very long story short!

Been with boyfriend(hate that word lol) for almost 10 yrs now! We have a 7 yr old dd together and I have 3 kids from a previous relationship that hes taking care of. Its been just recently Im starting to really see how he feels about marriage. He somewhat doesnt believe in marriage and thinks"its just a piece of paper"! So of course im pissed bc it was never a secret that I wanted to be a wife, not just a live in shacking "housewife". In ways I dont wanna complain bc for the last yr and a half I havnt worked bc I go to school full time and take care of the house(hell that is work!). Its just im tired of compromising my happiness for his selfishness.

How can I express to him that this is something that I want without me just cussing him out and leaving this relationship? 10 yrs is a long time to get a feel for if this is a person u wanna spend ur life with. He tells me he wants to be with me forever but he shows no action of marriage. Oh and he did go and put a ring on layaway and then I found the cancelation receipt in our security box? So whenever he sees im mad thats when he brings up marriage just to cool me off

Any advice? Any words of wisdom? Anything I can use to express my feelings bc at this point im just irritated and tired

Thanks!

budgetjamaicabride · June 21, 2009

While I know you love the idea and commitment of marriage, the fact that he cares and loves you and your children is a huge commitment in itself. Make sure marriage is THAT important to you before taking actions.

itsfinallyhere · June 21, 2009

I can really sympathize with you, but unfortunately I have no words of advice. Bur keep at it, because when it does happen it will matter that much more. I waited 22 years for him to ask. He always told he would but there was always a reason for delay. I am not 100% sure what made him do it now but he did. I had lost all hope of him ever asking. I figured maybe I was wanting to much and should just find a way to be happy. But it came up all the time, and just before Christmas he asked! He told he was nervous and unsure of how to ask! Like he had anything to worry about after 22 years and 2 kids. Yup, thats me wait all these years for the Big Question, so I could say no and walk away! But I guess thats a man for you.

Good Luck I hope you can find a way to make him understand, because if it was just a piece of paper, you could get a blank photocopy and fill it in yourself. But it is the meaning behind the paper, what all the hoopla is all about. It is not just a piece of paper but a way to shout to the world that you belong to each other and love each other above all. That you are and always will be the most important person in his life.

YoursTruly · June 21, 2009

Wow. I can only empathize with your situation and hope that is has the ending that you would like. I was always coached that men do things in their own time, however, it is essential that you know and recognize early on what a man's attitude is towards marriage as tthey pretty much say what they mean. As women we are always the hopeless romantic and as such, think we can change a man, and it most of the times is not the case. Since you feel that scared to evn bring it up, you have to decide if he loves you that much, a GROWN conversation after ten years is just not enough for YOU. Also for your kids, this is also protection and commitment as well. If he truly loves you, he will hear you out at a minimum and you can gauge how he truly feels after all this time. I think men know after a time when they truly wants to be with someone, but I agree with you it should not take ten years to come to that conclusion. I would not package it as an ultimatum, but again, a grown conversation about your future between two adults. But as another BDWer mentioned, be fully prepared as it can go either way. I wish you the very best and keep us posted. I hope he "man ups" and feels changed toward the subject of marriage. Hugs!