STILL CONFUSED about receiving GIFTS ...Advice?

[BBtoB]

Quote:

Originally Posted by suntansam ok good advice from everyone thanks a million. Makes me feel a bit better on how im gonna handle this. Hopefully we get just a few things off our registry BB- Have a great shower this weekend! Im sure itll be a blast!

Thanks SuntanSam! I am really excited! This is whole wedding thing is a hoot!

[jk1101]

Quote:

Originally Posted by suntansam So im still a little confused about whether or not DWs end up with gifts really.... Im assuming some people dont give gifts that are flying all the way down for the wedding. A guest recently asked me if people were still to get us gifts if they are coming down for the wedding. I didnt really know what to say and I left it up to them. Is that what I should be saying and leaving it to their discretion? And on invitations are you supposed to put a little sentence somewhere stating not to bring big boxes down to the wedding ? because yes it seems like common sense but then again it is possible that people would bring items down and i dont think im going to have any room to pack stuff ! so should i print that somewhere? thanks

Weddings are about celebrations and not "supposed" to be about gifts at all.

If anyone who I've invited to the wedding asks me about gifts I tell them that them coming to the wedding is all I want.

On my wedding website I have the sentence about "your presence is our present" but that's it. We haven't registered anywhere and we aren't going to. If anyone asks us or our parents we just tell them we don't need anything.

I think it's in poor taste to have anything on an invitation about gifts, whether it's what kind of gift or where to bring them or whatever. I think the people that are going to give gifts will no matter what you tell them, on an invitation or otherwise...and if someone is going to schlep a big bulky gift all the way to a DW.....well maybe you can just ship it home from there.

[Destination Scout]

I held a conference call before we left for the trip and also sent out an e-mail to those that were coming saying, "Please do not bring gifts to the wedding. We really appreciate that you are spending the resources to come to our wedding. That is considered your gift to us. Plus, we do not want to have to fly all the gifts home." It worked.

[H&F]

I struggled a lot with this one and in the end (based on the insistence of my mother) we added the following line to my side of the family's invitations: "your well wishes are the only gift we desire".

 

We had thought about saying "your presence is our present" but that just didn't feel right to us b/c the statement seems to only apply to those people who are attending the wedding and I felt it could be read as if you had to give a gift if you were not going to be "in presence" at our wedding.

 

Hope that helps.

[jawedding]

I have a slightly different opinion..

 

While I definitely AGREE that there should be NO expectation of gifts (and I do like having a note on the wedding website under registry that says "We are so grateful to share such a special memory with you and we feel that your presence and the fun that we will share is more than enough").

 

HOWEVER,

 

I think it is rude to INSIST and INSIST about it.. the truth is, some people will be relieved to know that you truely don't expect a gift, and for me, actually stating that on the website made sense, because we wanted to get that info out there (and NOT on the invitation, although I wouldn't judge if someone else did.. I don't think that's a huge deal, as long as you don't write "we are registered HERE" on the invite! haha)

 

The fact is though, that some people really WANT to get you a gift.. not because they feel obligated, or because they think it's expected, but just because they genuinely want to. To these people, I really think (and others have told me this too), that it can be very off-putting for someone to be extremely insistant about NO gifts.. at some point, you just have to say THANK YOU!

 

I know it's a destination wedding, and it's a huge cost, and I agree that nothing should be expected, but I also don't think you should feel badly for a second if you have been gracious, put it out there that gifts are not expected, and someone CHOOSES to give you a gift.

 

I also think it's totally fine to register. My mom is throwing me a bridal shower, and although my registry info isn't on the invites or on my wedding website, many people have asked, and have been REALLY glad to know that I have registered.. simply put - it's easier for some of them (obviously some people will have their own ideas, or will make something, but some people will want to get you a gift, and have no idea of what to get), and it is also a FUN (and once in a lifetime) opportunity to make a wish-list of things that you might not buy for yourself!

 

Whatever your plans are regarding gifts - HAVE FUN with it! As long as you aren't being demanding there is NOTHING to feel guilty about! let your gran buy you a gift if she wants to! What's the big deal! These people are adults, and they can decide whether or not they can afford (and want to) purchase a plane ticket AND a gift!

[crazyldy]

This is very helpful I had the same problem

[SDSteph]

We are doing a no gift wedding because we have lived together for 5 years, we own our house together so we dont need anything. Everyone we tell, tells us that is ridiculous that we are not going to take presents and that they will buy us something anyway so we decided to start an account with a honeymoon website so that if anyone who isn't going to make it can buy us stuff on for our honeymoon. Its free and they dont charge a percentage of the money donated to you.

 

http://www.honeyfund.com/

[SDSteph]

Oh here is my friend's page to give you an idea of what it is like.

 

http://www.honeyfund.com/wedding/cam...sierra04252009

[DEH83]

I do not plan on putting anything on my invitations about a registry, and it was not mentioned on our STDs either. I think traditionally the information is supposed to be spread through word of mouth from your parents, MOH, etc.

 

We did put the following on our website though:

 

Your presence is present enough!

 

As many of you will be making the journey with us to our wedding in Punta Cana, please do not feel that you have to give. We recognize that a destination wedding is a significant investment of your time and money, and having those of you who can attend would be the best gift of all.

 

For those of you who would like to contribute, gift registry information will be available at a later date.

 

I don't think it is implying either that we expect people who can't attend to get us a gift either. Remember your audience - they're your family and friends, so you know how they will receive your wording.

 

We are going to have a honeymoon registry, as well as a traditional registry. Like many of you, we've lived to gether for a long time and own our own house; we don't really need anything, but I have family members who are pretty old school, and would just love to have the chance to buy us a set of sheets!

[mayanbride78]

Hmmmm, now what if your MOH (sister) and mother want to throw you a wedding shower for their close friends who can't celebrate the wedding with you in MX. They're mostly family friends. I also have some friends who've said from the get-go that they cant go to the wedding but want to celebrate whatever we decide to do at home (shower, reception etc). My mom insists her friends dont care if they weren't invited to Mexico they want to come to the shower.

I'm very uncomfortable inviting ppl coming to the wedding to the shower b/c it looks like i want gifts! And I really don't!! But I want them to be apart of any celebration we have. Can I have 2 invitations, one for my mom's friends with a registry and another for ppl. coming to MX stating they are coming only to eat and drink?!!!... And not mention that I'm registered anywhere. Is it weird to have some ppl. bringing gifts and others not? Ahhh...!