April 2010 Brides

[ebredhawk]

very good question kim.. i'm curious about that too. my instinct would be to send thank yous as soon as you get the present, because i would fall behind and then hate every second of having to do them all at once. of course, i'm the anti-etiquette queen, so don't listen to me!!

 

speaking of the "e" word... my photographer is making our AHR invites for us and while i was trying to think of what to put on them i started wondering... can you put registries on those invitations? i know people think it's bad when you put it on a wedding invite, but is the AHR more like a wedding, or more like a party?? sooo confusing and annoying! really, i'd just like to put "cash, por favor", but then i'd really be in trouble!

[caribbeanLover]

I got an invite from a friend that had the registries on it. Some people put it on, some others do word of mouth... We don't live in a house and we've been together for 6 years. We don't have room for anything new, and we have everything we need, except for money, so we're doing it word by mouth we would prefer cash.

[echo2_62]

Erin - have you heard of the "wishing Well" sites that you can set up so that people can donate money for you towards something?? I did a quick google search and found this site:Our Wishing Well as an example. You have to set up an account and then provide your registy number (or guests can search by your names too I think) and then I believe you can list different things that you're saving for that guests can donate to. It seems to catch on easily because people feel like they're actually putting money towards something and not just handing over random cash. PLUS, you're not necessarily obligated to purchase those things you listed so it gives you a bit of freedom

 

And on another site I read a little blurb on etiquette saying that while it's perfectly acceptable to request money as a gift, it's not acceptable to directly ask for a specific gift on your invitations. So basically don't write "We would prefer money in lieu of any gifts" and you're okay. And I think it's okay to list the registry itself because then you're not directing guests towards a specific item.

 

Have you thought about including a separate card note in with your AHR invitation that includes any of your registry information? That way it's not "technically" on the actual invite but will still be included as reference for anyone that needs to know. Otherwise just pass it on to your wedding party, immediate family members etc what your wishes are and ask that they help to field any questions for you and pass on the word of what your preferences are.

[jk1101]

Personally, I would send a thank you as soon as I got a gift. I've done that with the few I've gotten, just to get it out of the way.

 

I think if you don't put registries, people assume you want cash. I always assume people want cash. It's the perfect gift : )

 

If you want people to know you're registered, maybe you can keep it on your wedding website, and have the wedding website on the invite, so they can go see it on there? Just an idea.

 

Look down at my siggy # - MORE PEOPLE BOOKED!!!! Still not my MIL HAHAHA for some reason she can't get the TA on the phone...but everyone else is....I think I will end up with 25 people of the 50ish I invited. Not too bad.

[echo2_62]

YYYAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY Michele for getting more people booked!

 

We invited about 50 people as well and so far we're near 30 booked or definitely committed. Maybe eight or do definite no responses and the remainder still haven't replied at all. Haha, I sent out my reminder cards yesterday and meant to add a sticker with our wedding website and email addy on it but TOTALLY forgot until this morning, oops!! I'm sure they'll find a way to let us know and if not then I just assume that they aren't coming.

 

You must be super excited to have the number jump up though!!!!

[jk1101]

My MIL finally booked! HIP HIP HOORAY!

[ebredhawk]

oh my goodness michele, i remember when you couldn't get one person to book.. now look at you!! has to be such a boost for you! when little things like this happen everything starts to seem real!

 

i'm still undecided about the invites... meghan, we considered using the wishingwell thing, but we still have some family members that are weary of using credit cards and doing money-related things on-line. we also do want some people to get stuff from our registry, but not everyone since we hardly have space in our house as it is!! why are these the difficult questions to answer?!? i think i may go with the wedding website thing and have our parents and wedding party let people know our preferences if they ask. if everyone gives us money, we can always just go buy what we want off our registry anyway, right?!

[ebredhawk]

ohhh one more thing that was brought up in the Dreams PC thread... for the US girls, make sure you check your airline's new restrictions. some are only allowing one carry-on for your returning flight and some others are doing funky things. the only ones i know for sure that haven't done anything additional are USA 3000 and Delta.

[caribbeanLover]

Yaaah!! for booking more people!!! and your MIL.. Congrates!!!! I know how hard that has been for you guys.

 

I also sent 50 invites, I got 10 reply's back and the dead line again is Jan 15th.. not looking good for us, more disappointed for the FI as he has no friends coming.

I've decided I am not sending out reminder's.. and even if I was going to I'd be to late.

Should I send another friendly e-mail reminder? Or would that look to pushy?

 

Thanks guys I appreciate no one counting my spelling here lol *embarrassed*

 

I like the wishing well idea.. I may consider that for our AHR, not our DW cause I don't want people giving us gifts plus spending $ on travelling.

 

Speak of money, I need your opinion. All my BM paid for their own dress's and shoe's. I have my MOH and a another good friend, and then FI's sister.. now she was on her honeymoon when we all went out to buy the dress, so I bought her's and gave it to her, saying the girls payed real cheap for it, the dress and shoes came up to $60.

Well she never paid me, and I don't think she plans on it.

My bad, I let it slipped that she hasn't paid to the other girls, and we all kind of feel like it's not right, since everyone is paying for their own attire plus their own trip, why should the FI sister be any different. But the FI doesnt want to ask!!

But we're supper tight on cash, that $60 could go towards legalizing/translating our paper work for our wedding.. think I should ask, or let it go?

[echo2_62]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ebredhawk i'm still undecided about the invites... meghan, we considered using the wishingwell thing, but we still have some family members that are weary of using credit cards and doing money-related things on-line. we also do want some people to get stuff from our registry, but not everyone since we hardly have space in our house as it is!! why are these the difficult questions to answer?!? i think i may go with the wedding website thing and have our parents and wedding party let people know our preferences if they ask. if everyone gives us money, we can always just go buy what we want off our registry anyway, right?!

Ugh I know all about family members who don't want to use their credit card online! We couldn't get FI's grandparents to book because they absolutely wouldn't do it online and didn't even want to give their credit card num. over the phone directly to the flight agency!! They're totally small-towners (and they're old hehehe!) so I guess I have to excuse them.

And using your wedding website to list any registries you might have is pretty easy PLUS you might actually end up with more cash from the people who don't actually bother checking your website LOL! I can bet that most of my friends haven't bothered checking out the website so even if we had registry info on there, they wouldn't see it. I honestly wouldn't worry too much about just passing it around by word of mouth. People will find an answer if they really feel they need one.

Quote:

Originally Posted by caribbeanLover Yaaah!! for booking more people!!! and your MIL.. Congrates!!!! I know how hard that has been for you guys. I also sent 50 invites, I got 10 reply's back and the dead line again is Jan 15th.. not looking good for us, more disappointed for the FI as he has no friends coming. I've decided I am not sending out reminder's.. and even if I was going to I'd be to late. Should I send another friendly e-mail reminder? Or would that look to pushy? Speak of money, I need your opinion. All my BM paid for their own dress's and shoe's. I have my MOH and a another good friend, and then FI's sister.. now she was on her honeymoon when we all went out to buy the dress, so I bought her's and gave it to her, saying the girls payed real cheap for it, the dress and shoes came up to $60. Well she never paid me, and I don't think she plans on it. My bad, I let it slipped that she hasn't paid to the other girls, and we all kind of feel like it's not right, since everyone is paying for their own attire plus their own trip, why should the FI sister be any different. But the FI doesnt want to ask!! But we're supper tight on cash, that $60 could go towards legalizing/translating our paper work for our wedding.. think I should ask, or let it go?

Tracy had you considered extending your RSVP date just a little bit so that you could send out reminders and still leave people with enough time? I know it would be frustrating to have to wait a little longer but at least then you can make people feel guilty that you had to extend your deadline because they hadn't replied yet! LOL! I'm so mean! We have our deadline at January 31 so I'm not too far off of yours and everyone should receive their reminders in the next week or so.
Whatever you decide, I think a friendly reminder letting people know that the deadline is just days away might light a fire underneath some. It's all about the wording so if you make it sound like you're trying to be considerate of their plans & money etc then I doubt anyone would be offended or think you're being pushy.

As for your problem with your SIL, that's a tricky situation. Would you feel comfortable at all talking to her yourself, instead of having FI do it? You could just apologize that maybe you hadn't been very clear or that you know you hadn't had too much discussion with her over the issue, and just stress that you're not singling her out and that all the girls are paying for their own attire. I'm not sure what you're doing for gifts for them anyways, but you could mention that you'd had something else in mind for everyone as a Thank You that didn't involve paying for any of their items. If money really is that tight for you then you could also explain that to her in terms of your "wedding budget" nevermind details about whether it may or may not be a personal situation. I imagine that she knows you'd been off work for a long time too and we all know those things add up when it comes to talking money. Otherwise if it's just too awkward a situation for both you and FI to discuss this with her, then maybe let it go and just find a way that you can make it up in kind to the other girls so that in some way everyone is being treated equally and has the same expectations.