made an assumption, paying for it

Nonnie · June 3, 2009

So I am feeling a bit annoyed about something and want to share

My Fiance and I have finally settled on the Dominican Republic, changing locations from St Maarten which he loved since he is Dutch but I grew to hate only because the resort kept giving the run-around and I needed ot hire an outside planner (=$$$)

Our TA told us we needed 10 people to book the hotel as a group, or wait until individual rates came out. I also was given the idea that I would not be able to book any wedding stuff with the resort until we had booked our rooms. Makes sense right? so I never questioned that.

Meanwhile It's been months and we are still at 8 people booked and no one new is showing interest. I'm freaking out because we only have one day we can marry (there is a weekend in the middle of our trip, and I need 3 working days before the ceremony) and I am worried no officiant will be available unless we book ASAP.

Enter my mom who says we should send out more email invited to friends of her and my dad's to bring out the numbers. Desperate, I agree. Fiance seems fine with it at the time, but later admits he did not want to say anything in front of my mom, but he hates the idea of course then it is too late to recall those invites because she rushed off eagerly and sent them. grrrrrr

Then I email the wedding coordinator and it turns out I did not have to wait until we booked the resort to book the officiant!!! My TA was surprised by this, as was I. Of course now 2 of my folk's friends have signed up, 2 people I really don't know at all and more are thinking about it!!!

GAAHHH I wanted a small wedding, now I am going to have all these people I don't know and my Fiance is upset at me and my mom had won out in having control over things again!!!! *weep*

JOSIE · June 3, 2009

That is so frustrating. I know how you feel!! My mom wants to be a part of everything and has big ideas too and she wanted over 200 people invited, I gave in to that and am just praying no one wants to come so I can have the small wedding I always wanted.

How many more people did you call? Do you think, realistically, that a bunch of random people will come? Don't worry, it's one of the many bumps in the road to wedding planning. When you finally get to the day of, none of this will matter and you'll just be focused on your FI waiting for you at the end of the aisle

Just wanted to say, I feel your pain!

Vallarta_2009 · June 3, 2009

Sorry to hear about your situation. Let's look at the positive... now you can start getting things organized because you contacted the wedding coordinator. And I'm sure everything will work out!

I would have a chat with your mom and tell her no more friends invites. Tell her you agreed because you felt pressured but really want a smaller gathering. I'm sure she'll understand.

And I don't think it's fair for your fiance to be mad at you for this. He should have said something right away and not put the blame squarely on your shoulders.

That's just my $0.02. And I agree with Josie, once you're walking down the aisle it won't matter who is there, you'll be steps away from getting married and focusing on your hubby to be!

zethers · June 4, 2009

Hopefully more people don't sign up...on the bright side, let the planning begin. Perhaps you should keep your Mom on a need to know basis so that she doesn't change your plans or guilt you into anything else. She can't change what she doesn't know.

Have fun planning, and keep your mind on the end result.

jk1101 · June 4, 2009

If you read some of the other threads, a lot of people say they will come and then don't. You can try to count on that....

My mom is DYING for me to invite some of her friends.....and some of them I have known my whole life, but they are on the B list....she brings it up every time we talk... they always try to get invoved. It's what mom's do....because they love us and are excited about our wedding.

As Zethers said it's better sometimes to keep them on a "need to know basis".

KimmyG · June 4, 2009

It's out of your hands, try not to let it bother you. I've heard many people say that some of the least expected guests end up being a wonderful surprise and really make your wedding special.