Livid

[BillysBride]

My thought on why you're so upset isn't that she can't go...it's the manner in which she has handled the entire thing. And you have every right to be upset about that.

 

Sounds like the phone call was a feeler. She called testing the waters to see a.) how angry/upset you were and b.) if you were going to say anything to her about it, or if she would get off without having to be a woman and discuss it with you.

 

This is supposedly your BEST FRIEND, so I disagree with those who are picking apart your analysis of the situation. I know my best friend a hell of a lot better than some guy she may be with for a few months, and I trust my judgement when she's acting in a way that she normally doesn't. It's been ten years...you don't spend that long knowing someone through good and bad and not learning a LOT about them and their reactions to things.

 

Buying a house with a guy, whether she's in love after 6-7 months or not is NOT an excuse to bail on your BEST FRIEND's wedding. Not to me it's not. And especially in this cowardly way, with no discussion or real empathetic apology. it very much SOUNDS like she is treating it like it's no big deal. If this were her fiance/husband/boyfriend of x amount of years, and this had been a PLAN of theirs for a long time that they were suddenly blessed with an opportunity to seize the moment--that would be different. But that's not what you're describing. You said this is someone you've known for many years, considered a close friend, hasn't known this guy for long and has admitted to having doubts about the relationship. To forgo your wedding over that is just wrong. At the very least, they should simply be honest and say it's not enough of a priority to them to put any money toward it.

 

I've seen brides being a bit unreasonable. IE, expecting friends to put off family planning or make it to their DW's when one of the two are laid off, etc. That's too much to me and very selfish. This is not the same thing, not by a long shot.

 

I think it's insanely low of them to do this to you guys. Especially so far out...9 months, they cannot TRUTHFULLY tell you that as long as they are both gainfully employed and NOT in dire straits/circumstances, they can't put money toward the trip. If they couldn't make it happen at the last minute after saving/putting money on it, then that would have been one thing. But this all just sounds like an excuse. And when people make excuses to NOT be there for you...on your wedding day AS YOUR BEST FRIENDS? Then, unfortunately, they simply aren't. They aren't your best friends, and they don't deserve the title or your pain.

 

I definitely think you should let them know what you think of this, and don't hold back. The friendship isn't going to be the same with this between the four of you, and you guys have a right to be hurt and angry.

[fudgie]

I feel so sorry for you! It sucks thinking that you can rely on someone only to have them back out! I went through similar things throughout my planning, everyone said that they were going to come but eventually many didn't. I didn't expect it as I am not too close and live away from my close friends. Either way, she should have been up front to you, honest and open from the beginning. You don't need this crap to deal with. Go ahead enjoy your planning and have a wonderful wedding, you deserve it

[amberlynne87]

Well as of right now we have a new groomsmen and a new bridesmaid. They are two people who we would have wanted in our wedding anyways, but it sucks having to ask them as a result of this situation.

 

Well I called her to tell her how I felt and she acted like nothing was going on and nothing was wrong. I told her exactly how I was feeling. I was nice and polite about it and all she could do was start a fight with me over nothing. She basically thought I was attacking her and it was totally not the case so she would pick one thing out of everything I was saying and turn it around on me, like this whole thing is my fault. My fiance called his friend as well, he said that she never asked him about going if we would pay for their room. This is after she told me she asked him and he wouldn't answer her. So she was lying the whole time. She hasn't been telling him anything. But, anyway he said he was going to talk to her and call my fiance back later. Well it got really late and still no call. So my fiance called him again and we got the same answer no, we can't take your money. We are offering to pay for them to go even though we both know for a fact they can afford to go without any help and it's not good enough.

 

 

 

Well this situation isn't going anywhere but down so I'm done with it. I am getting my wedding dress tomorrow along with the bridesmaids dresses. Apparently they both don't want to be a part of this and she wants to play her games so I'm through with them.

[BillysBride]

I'm sorry for the pain this is causing you. All I can think, is if things truly are the way they seem, you're well rid of her as a friend. Especially a "best" friend. You can do better.

 

Chin up, and focus your energy and thoughts on the good ahead, though I know it's hard when you're hurting.

[DanielleNDerek]

Quote:

Originally Posted by amberlynne87 So I just received a text message from her saying "u know we always talked about being in each others wedding but im not sure i want to go cuz its awkward and i want to go to the beach this summer and wont be able to do it if i use my money to go to jamaica" those words exactly WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Quote:

Originally Posted by amberlynne87 To be completely honest, she has done things like this to me before just happens that this time it is my WEDDING. She has always tried to one up me and made plans with me and backed out at the worst time and at the last minute. So I'm not surprised this is happening, but it's upsetting because I thought for once we might be on a good run with our friendship. As to the relationship thing, I know her better than anyone just like she knows me better than anyone. I am confident in saying they are rushing into their relationship. But with the house thing, she has said herself not until she's done school.

Her text about it being awkward is a little strange. And it really doesnt sound like she is even a good friend. I mean you were upset and tried to tell her how you feel but it doesnt seem like she even wants to talk to you about it. Like your feelings dont really matter to her. And i cant believe she texted you again, WTF is up with that. That's just really rude. I can see the first time but after she knows your upset about the situation she text you again with "its awkward" like wth is that supposed to mean and she's rather go to the shore than your wedding. She can spend her money on whatever she wants but she could at least tell you and try to explain herself and not sound like an ass in a text message.

As far as her always saying she didnt want to buy a house until she was done school and them being together for 7 months. 7 months may not seem a lot to you because you've been with your fi for so long but to some people its plenty of time to fall in love and get to know each other. Maybe she just changed her mind about buying a house before school because she's fell in love. Loves makes you do things you'd thought you never do. I always said i didnt want to live with a guy until i was married but when i met my dh that all changed.

Quote:

Originally Posted by amberlynne87 Well as of right now we have a new groomsmen and a new bridesmaid. They are two people who we would have wanted in our wedding anyways, but it sucks having to ask them as a result of this situation. Well this situation isn't going anywhere but down so I'm done with it. I am getting my wedding dress tomorrow along with the bridesmaids dresses. Apparently they both don't want to be a part of this and she wants to play her games so I'm through with them.

I think your better off just not talking to her for awhile until she's ready to at least have a conversation with you about it and acknowledge your feelings. If she's done stuff like this to you before than it seems like your probably better off without her. I'm glad your moving on and found a new bm. Just forget about your BFF and focus on how much fun your going to have with the people who do go to Jamaica.

[amberlynne87]

Well I just wanna say thanks everyone for "hearing" me out. I appreciate your thoughts and opinions!! If I could close the thread I would, not sure how that works. BUT I have posted a new thread in the general wedding section titled "LIVID no longer" if you want to check it out!!!

 

Today I get my wedding dress and I am over everything that has been going on. Besides if I didn't get over it how would I move on and be happy with everything.

[LCBride2007]

Quote:

Originally Posted by amberlynne87 Well I just wanna say thanks everyone for "hearing" me out. I appreciate your thoughts and opinions!! If I could close the thread I would, not sure how that works.

Consider it done! (only moderators can do this)