Who Should Pay for the Day Passes?

[dragonfly]

I think we must take into consideration the extra costs of day passes when planning a dw. It has to be a cost factored in to your budget. Who are we to judge who can afford the pass and who can't, and what about if you pay for some and not others and then the others find out and are confused, it could lead to awkward situations. It is just rude to charge a cover charge for your wedding. We were going to get married in Jamaica, my dream place, and we changed our location because we were fully aware that it would cost us a lot in passes. Everton, who is from Jamaica, relized that many in his family would stay with family members, and we would also be expected to invite his local family members. This would therefore end up costing way too much in day passes, we changed our destination because I could never ask people to pay a fee to come to my wedding. We also have a few guests in the DR who are staying at time shares, I am absolutely obligated to pay for them to come on to my resort, I am their host for this event (our wedding) and therfore it is my dime, not theirs that will pay for the passes. If you must then cut back on something in your wedding budget so you can accomadate your friends and family. Your guests won't remember some of the details, that could be adjusted, but they will remember that your wedding was the wedding that they had to pay to get into. All the oot bags in the world won't erase that memory for them!

 

Kelly~

 

Kelly~

[JPMO]

I would suggest that you pay. I agree with Kash, it's not polite to ask them to pay. I would simply suggest your hotel as much a possible.

[MrsV-to-be]

I hear what you are saying that it is rude to charge a cover into your wedding. But the same logic can be applied to flight and hotel. These are necessary costs for the guests to come to your wedding (unless the bride and groom are in a position to pay for it) and thus essentially meet the criteria for a 'cover charge' By having a DW, you are already asking people to shell out money. I just don't necessairly see the difference between passes to the resort or a flight down, unless there is special circumstances.

 

The way that FI and I look at it is this: we are going to get married in this resort, and this is the cost. We want as many people who can come, to come. We hope to spend the time at the resort celebrating all of our different family bonds or friend bonds. We did not even give an option to stay at another resort. We would completely understand if some of the individuals can't afford the cost and thus can't come (and appreciate them even considering to come). However, if a couple decides they are going to come, but at a cheaper resort - that's fine too, but I think they are the ones who should be calculating into their budget the extra expense of not staying at the resort in making the decision to come.

We are not demanding or even asking people to come. We are simply extending the invitation to join us. If individuals would like to come, but decide they don't want to stay at the same resort as us, and thus effectively not spend the week or time with us - that's fine. But in my opinion, I don't think it is necessairly fair then to ask the bride and groom to pay for their entrance into the resort.

 

I am not saying in all instances that this approach would work - but that this is the way that we will be approaching it. But also we did not have to consider local guests in the area. We are also lucky in the sense that everyone that we need to have with us - are in a position to afford to stay at the resort. All I'm saying is - that I don't think it is fair to say as a general rule, you Bride A and you Groom A are rude if you don't pay for the passes. It is a matter of circumstance.

[Martha]

This is why it is so hard....you would think it would just be an easy decision either way. It's really not. I see both sides of it and all explanations make so much sense.

[-Kate-]

I think I have a weird point of view on this because we always have to fly/get hotels for weddings. I've never even been to a wedding in Seattle. We always have to go to Ohio, Chicago, etc. So every invite entails a lot of $$ for us, plane fare, and hotels. Essentially, every wedding I've been to is a DW!

If I got to a wedding and had to pay more bc I tried to save $ on a hotel I would feel weird - like maybe they didn't really want me there. Not saying that is true, it's just what my instinct would be.

 

Even with all that I still think it is up to each person to decide. Families and friends have different expectations and only the couple knows what those are. FI's fam would be horrified to know we had to pay for them (which is why we aren't telling them.) It's really a personal decision - no etiquette rules apply.

[CourtneyV]

I couldn't agree more with you, Jennette! Yes, these people are forking over a lot of money to come see us get married, but it's not like they're dreading it! They get a week of vacation out of it. We have provided them with all of the information, and even better rates than they would get if they booked down the road on their own! If they want to go on their own vacation and do their own thing, that's fine, but I don't see why I should have to pay for it. If they're struggling with cash, then by no means are they obligated to be there. I understand not everyone will have the $$ for this.

 

There are a few people on my guest list that I know would do almost anything to be there, and I could see myself helping them out with something like this... but if cousin Joe that I haven't seen in 3 years decides to come for the wedding, but stay at another resort, I'm not going to fork over the cash. I don't know if that sounds harsh, but that's just how I feel!

 

Look what you did, Martha - a full-on debate! LOL.

 

Clearly everyone has different views about this, it really does need to be evaluated on an individual basis. If you don't feel right asking people to pay the daypass fee if they stay somewhere else, be prepared to pick up the tab. Chances are, the majority of your guests will stay at the same resort you pick and this won't even be a big deal! lol

[Nrvsbride]

I'm just curious for those that are not planning to pay for their guests day pass for the day of the wedding. How are you going to tell your guests that they need to pay a certain fee to attend your wedding? Are you going to mention it in your website? Word of mouth? I have to be honest (and I mean no disrespect by this) but I can't even imagine a guest arriving the day of my wedding all dressed up after having flown in from New York and having some guy at the door tell them they have to pay x amount to get into the resort. I guess as long as people know beforehand than at least its okay. But at the same time it seems almost like your guest is being penalized for not being able to stay at the resort of your choice. What if they really want to be there but can't afford Resort X? Sorry if I sound rude, I don't mean to be I guess I'm just trying to sort this all out in my head.

[CourtneyV]

Glenda,

 

Ya, I'll be posting this on my website, which most of my guests have checked out already anyways. My mom is my MOH, and she's pretty good at spreading the word around - so we'll use that method as well.

 

Also, surprisingly, a lot of my guests haven't been to Mexico before, so they're asking a lot of questions to begin with. We're not saying "stay with us, or pay!!", it's more about explaining the benefits to them. If they still decide to stay somewhere else, we'll make sure they know about the daypass before they book. You're right, I'd feel horrible if they didn't know about it before booking... if that happened, I'd pick up the tab.

 

lol... I had to ask a few close relatives (mom, dad etc) about the paying for the daypass issue because I was starting to wonder if it was going to come off as rude. They both said right away that it shouldn't be a bride and groom expense. I've noticed that my fellow Calgarian agrees... I wonder if Kash is right in it being a "cultural" thing??! Even after reading everyone's posts where they feel so strongly about paying, I still don't think that I feel an obligation. I feel like such a jerk saying that, but I really see it as an accomodation fee. Like I said before, if it's a few people, I'd flip the bill.

[anaderoux]

I'm on a different position here 'cause my wedding is not being held at an All-Inclusive resort.. so I obviously won't pay day passes and I don't care where people stays

 

But I do think it's rude to ask people to pay to enter your reception or to expect them to stay where you're staying.. I understand you all wanting to spend time with your guests but you have to understand that saving 300 or 500 dollars is a lot for some families.. I know we are spending a lot on these weddings and expect guests not to complain but they will complain.. as someone said before, they will remember your wedding as the one they had to pay to get into..

[rodent]

I changed my mind. I'm going to start my own thread, b/c i don't think people will notice my question here.