HUUUUUGE etiquette question please HELP!!!

[HotTamale]

Totally acceptable. I did the same. After all we are having a destination wedding, and I have yet to see etiquette pin-pointed on what is and isn't proper. Congratulations and plan away girl!

[BlakleyBrideToBe]

I agree with. I think it will be fine!

[amenellie]

thanks ladies for all of your help, greatly appreciated!!!!

[Amarillis]

Quote:

Originally Posted by amenellie i'm thinking (though don't know) that if people are offended they just won't come?

I personally wouldn't go. Sorry

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jacilynda I personally am inviting everyone to my shower. Although our friends have known from the beginning we wanted a small wedding w/ our family on the beach and would have a celebration when we got home. No one has been offended cause they either can't afford to come, or can't get vacation time.

The question is.... did you give your guests the first right of refusal? Meaning, did you decide that they 'couldn't afford' or 'couldn't get vacation time'. Fundamentally this is the ettiquette issue -- it is not our place as brides/grooms to decide who can/can't go to a DW.

I know that the split here is about 50/50 - but I think we need to take into consideration our guests, and thier perception of us, especially post wedding.

[DanielleNDerek]

hmm this is a really tough one. at first i thought it would be okay but than i saw how your dw is in Mass and that's where your shower would be. If i was one of your guests that lived in Mass I think i would feel a little offended if you invited me to a shower but not to your dw which was near me but instead i was invited to a reception in SanDiego that you knew i probably wouldnt be able to attend. that's just my opinion but maybe your guests would feel differently than me you know your family better. But i like the suggestion of doing something else with your fam besides a shower. This way your including them. Could you have an ahr in Mass?

[angie8119]

THats perfectly ok!!! You are having a AHR, anyone invited there or the wedding is a def for the shower!!!!! Just let them know they are invited to one of them.

[SSNM]

Honestly, I think it would be difficult to convey that. Personal question here, what's the harm in inviting them to the DW? If you are paying for travel expenses I understand then, but if not what's 'why not'?

 

At the risk of going off topic, I noticed that a few DWB's have this mentality with a DW. Please tell me what wedding packages you are being offered because I have yet to be offered a package that didn't charge you up the wazoo per person. Although DW's tend to be naturally smaller, I do not want to run the risk of inviting 200 people to have 150 show up when really I could only afford 30.

 

As for the topic at hand, I also get the twinge that this is a bit of a gift grab -- not saying that you meant it that way, but I can see it coming off that way. Especially because of the relative locations of your guests to the DW, shower, and AHR. However, you know your guests and how they may perceive things. Go with your gut.

[kcangel99]

I think it is ok, especially if you tell people that you are having a family wedding and a reception at a later date, but I would suggest doing this ahead of time, not with the invitation to the shower, that way people know what to expect.

[A2Bride]

Hmmm...I think this is a tough call, I see both sides. I think you could invite them but should somehow explain why they are not invited to the wedding. Could you have a shower in the same location as those near your DW?

I have been invited to showers and not to the wedding, and I thought they were just trying to get more gifts...not saying you are though. It is tough because I am sure you want to include everyone but it gets costly. Good luck...

[Shinbinea]

I think its perfectly acceptable to invite people to the shower, especially since they are invited to the reception. If someone has a problem with it they don't have to come but I think the majority of the people will come because they are happy for you, and because Bridal showers are fun and a great chance to women to get together.