STD date question

[BillysBride]

In a wierd way I'm dealing with something similar. But first, let me put it to you this way.

 

Even if it WERE just you, FI, and your parents....would you be happy that day?

 

My point being that you have -0- control over what others do. You can invite them and hope for the best, and like the other gals are saying, many times..people surpise you!

 

My mom is the biggest no-nonsense, realist type in the world. lol She isn't saying no one will come...she's just harping on the fact that nobody should be put in the position of having to spend all the money, travel, miss work, yada yada yada. It's very...frustrating since we are keeping the guest list so minimal for those very reasons. I also think the fact that we're taking away something she LOVES to do...plan and decorate, plays a huge role in things. She's really very, very GOOD at throwing a great wedding. lol She gave me one back when I was too young to know what the hell I was truly getting into, and has taken care of all my sister's now...except one who had the audacity to run off to Mexico and get hitched as well. lol She didn't like it, but my older sis is so outspoken and strong willed, she knew better than to fuss with her about it. PLUS, she thinks that since they are in a higher income bracket (as are most of their friends) and childless, it was more acceptable for her to do. Mind you..she still didn't like it.

 

I just pay it no attention. It's not that I think everyone we invite will come...I don't. It's just that I can't allow myself to care OR to take their attendance as a measure of their love or respect for us. It isn't. I don't adhere to that standard that "if they love you, they'll show". We live in the real world where people can't always get time off work and can't always afford things that truly aren't necessities. I'm remembering that every step of the way here, and I'm not going to be offended by whomever can't make it or simply chooses not to spend their hard earned money in such a way.

 

We have plenty of friends who live paycheck to paycheck in this economy. We get that, we understand it and we certainly don't want anyone thinking that we'll think they don't love us if they can't come, no matter how much notice we're giving them. This isn't my first trip down the aisle, but it will be my last and it's been a long time coming...my close friends know that, and I think they'll show. Billy would actually prefer NO ONE came. lol He's like that, but he's conceding to me and my wishes with inviting the 20 or so we're actually inviting.

 

Just shrug it off and do YOU. Do what you want to do and DO NOT LET IT MATTER WHAT ANYONE's response to it is. A mother is a huge buzzkill to not have onboard, believe me, I understand. But this isn't about her and it's not about who doesn't come. Its about the two of you and who DOES.

[bobbysgirl]

ok so we e-mail a lot, so i emailed her... this is what i said.

 

Mom... I am inviting everyone to the wedding. and the party at home. I originally wasn't even planning on having any kind of reception at home but I know that i am probably the only wedding you guys are going to get to have. so I am sending 2 sets of invitations when i actually send the invitations out. The wedding on the beach IS the wedding... so inviting people to just the party at home would be like inviting someone to just the reception for the normal wedding. I don't care if i send out 200 invitations and only 10 say yes...

the save the date I am ordering has my wedding date on it, that's the date that will be my anniversary. they also have our wedding website, people can go to the website and it will have the information for punta cana and cleveland. The "wedsite" is still a work in progress so when it is completely done i'll show you. it will be very clear. I don't think too many people will be too confused. I'll try to get you a copy of the proofs of my invitations so you can see how clearly it is spelled out.

 

 

she hasn't responded. I guess there are no questions to really respond to but i hope she isn't offended. we will see... in the end i know, I am paying for all of this, and it is my wedding so things will end up my way (not to be bridezilla lol)

[BillysBride]

Sweetie, if she's offended by that, I'm afraid she's just gonna have to suck it up. That was VERY politely worded and concise. You did fine....I don't see any reason for her to be offended by that as an email, so if she's offended, it's simply because you're standing your ground and that can't be helped. She'll have to get over it.

 

Thats pretty much my logic about the whole sh'bang. We're not asking anyone for anything. No help, and they don't even have to come if they don't feel they can afford it, so really it's OUR decision and ours alone. No one else gets a vote.

[pettytiffany]

I totally agree with everyone's comments. Tell people what your plan is and let them make the decision. I had a similar experience with a family member...they were totally against the DW plan and said I would only have like 10 ppl, well I'm quite happy to report they were very wrong and 38 people are booked to come to our wedding. Parents can be very difficult and have an idea of what they think is right or wrong...but what you have to do is what you and FI want to do and the people who want to be there will be there!

[bobbysgirl]

Thanks I feel much better. It's always good to know I'm not alone and other people have gone through the same thing or at least have the same opinion I do Once again BDW saves the day!!