It finally happened

[CrystalM]

I knew someone was going to invite someone to my wedding w/o talking got me about it and well, my mother invited her mother & father-in-law to my wedding. I've met my stepdad's family all of 2 or 3 times. I pointed out to my mom that having 2 more guests added about $100 to our dinner costs and she said "$100? Okay I'll make sure Janice and Mel give you at least $200 in money for a gift"

[itsfinallyhere]

i know it is hard at times like this, but remember you are celebrating the start of a new family, one that you and FI will be creating. I believe that it is very important to pay a homage or tribute to the families you came from. And to mee that includes the whole family. Especially the eldery. (I mean the ones that are older not necessarily retired!). If there is a personal issue then by all means talk to your mom, but otherwise I think you would be hurting their feelings. It would also be different if you had never meet them before, but because you have...... I don't know, try not to stress too much, especially if it just two more. I gotta tell ya I wish I had that problem. I am having a hard time getting anyone to come, but oh well their loss. What can say or do? Cause a stinking will only make you look bad.

[TammyWright]

so you are upset that your grandmother was invited to your wedding? honestly, how could your mom really tell her mother that they are not invited.

 

i know it seems kind of rude because they were not on your guestlist but you need to cut your mom some slack....unless there was a huge falling out between you and your grandmother.

 

i guess for our wedding, if family/friends were willing to shell out the $1200-2000 per person to attend our wedding then we would most graciously spend the $$ for the wedding/reception.

 

i hope you don't take this the wrong way, but with your avatar, your thread about contracts, now this thread i have to wonder if maybe it might be a sensitive time of the month for you...hormones. i feel like i can say this because i am a hormonal mess most of the time with my pregnancy and some days get a little irrational.

[CrystalM]

I'm taking a guess that I simply rub people the wrong way on here. I think I 'm going to start lurking.

 

This post was mostly me making a comment about my mom. It doesn't really bother me to have people there to celebrate with us but my fiance and I are paying for our wedding and we are trying to buy a house before December. No one is helping us pay for anything and I've been losing work left and right due to the economy. All of this my mom knows.

 

It's not my mother's mother, it's her mother in law, my step dad's mother. In the 6 years my mom has been married to her current husband, I have seriously met the mother in law twice. The last time I saw her was either Christmas of 2005 or 2006, I can't remember. We want our close friends and family there. My entire guest list is about 25 people, nearly all of which will make it. The biggest part of the decision to have a destination wedding was to have a small intimate wedding.

[TammyWright]

Quote:

Originally Posted by CrystalM my mother invited her mother & father-in-law to my wedding.

i read it as your mother invited her mother AND father in law to the weddings...not your mother's in-laws...

Quote:

Originally Posted by CrystalM I'm taking a guess that I simply rub people the wrong way on here. I think I 'm going to start lurking. This post was mostly me making a comment about my mom. It doesn't really bother me to have people there to celebrate with us but my fiance and I are paying for our wedding and we are trying to buy a house before December. No one is helping us pay for anything and I've been losing work left and right due to the economy. All of this my mom knows. It's not my mother's mother, it's her mother in law, my step dad's mother. In the 6 years my mom has been married to her current husband, I have seriously met the mother in law twice. The last time I saw her was either Christmas of 2005 or 2006, I can't remember. We want our close friends and family there. My entire guest list is about 25 people, nearly all of which will make it. The biggest part of the decision to have a destination wedding was to have a small intimate wedding.

i totally get this. i would talk to your mother about your concerns about the wedding. maybe she feels really obligated to invited her in-laws but really what are the chances they are even going to go...if they do decide to go, make it clear to your mom what a financial strain it is on your wedding...also, referencing your previous post, since it seems like you are on a tight budget have you thought of NOT doing all the stuff for your BM's (family photos, dresses, etc.)

[CrystalM]

My mom is the type that doesn't feel obligated to do anything she doesn't want to. I asked her how it came up and my mom said was talking to the mother in law on the phone about the wedding and Janice, the mother-in-law said that it sounded beautiful so my mom just said why don't you come with me and Brian, my step-dad, and they'll share a hotel, stay the week and make it a vacation.

 

The stuff I'm doing for my girls is my gift for them, 2 have 2 children each and the other is a student and otherwise wouldn't be able to be there. The flaky one decided to open a savings account and is pulling money from her paycheck for the next year. If her husband can't go, he can't go. She and I had a LONG conversation about it.

 

I actually found perfect off the rack at Old Navy dresses for them for $15.00 as opposed to $60.

 

The photographer is my fiance's best friend. They talked today and the photographer changed his mind and decided that he's only going to charge us for airfare and 1 night in the hotel instead of his creative fee plus expenses, which is saving us over a grand.

 

I've made cuts where I can.

 

We're cutting costs but putting it toward the house fund. We're okay with renting for another year, but the $8500 tax credit would be nice to have, if not, oh well.

[Christine]

I am sure its super frustrating but maybe you need to speak to your mom and explain that while you don't mind if her in-laws come along for the week, that you can't include anyone else. You and your FI made the guest list based on what you could afford and no one else needs to be added. I think if you sit down with her and explain the situation she will be understanding.

You are not rubbing anyone the wrong way, I think the initial statement was just taken as though you were upset that your own family was invited.

[dear tulip]

I totally get how you feel Crystal! I have some friends who self-invited themselves to the wedding or invited other friends on my behalf!!! They only heard that I was getting married in Cancun (from me, or from my friends), then said, "oh sure! I´m coming!!" I mean, what the hell?? Like you said, I only want families and close friends there! Not some "hi and bye" friends or friend's bf whom I don't even know!

[jajajaja]

I get where you are coming from Crystal and it seems this problem has popped up numerous times on BDW. There are always people inviting themselves.

 

Here's a couple of solutions:

Accept that the invite has been extended and suck up the $100. Don't stress over wedding crap and $100 will not make or break you. Plus you have a whole year to save for it!

 

Ask your mom to explain to the in laws that while they are more than welcome to come on the trip, unfortunately you would like to have a simple, small ceremony. (This might end up being quite offensive).

 

Realize that a lot of people will express interest in the beginning and end up not coming. Afterall- your wedding is a year out. I wouldn't worry until you see plane tickets! If they barely know you, why would they be so adamant to shell out that kind of money to see you get married? KWIM? It goes two ways.

 

Personally- I would ride it out. No need to start pissing off your step dad, mom or the inlaws over something that may never even happen! Plus if it does happen, I would keep peace and pay the extra $100. The stress and drama is not worth it in the end.

[CrystalM]

Quote:

Originally Posted by dear tulip I totally get how you feel Crystal! I have some friends who self-invited themselves to the wedding or invited other friends on my behalf!!! They only heard that I was getting married in Cancun (from me, or from my friends), then said, "oh sure! I´m coming!!" I mean, what the hell?? Like you said, I only want families and close friends there! Not some "hi and bye" friends or friend's bf whom I don't even know!

I've had ALOT of people pull this one on Facebook and Myspace! My favorite was "Oh my gosh! I'm sooooooo excited to see you get married!!!" That was from someone I haven't seen since high school!