Oh, is this your girlfriend?

[xxashleyxx007]

So My FH and I have known each other since we were 14. We've been dating for 3 years, but have been engaged for 2 of those years. In this time we lived in the same city as his family for 2 and a half years, and my dad lived in that same city (but I don't have a very good relationship with him). We decided to move to another province (we lived in Ontario and moved to Alberta to further our careers) and everyone knew for a long time. No one threw us an engagement party or anything. Which whatever, I don't really care but now we wont have a bridal shower or anything like that because they all live in another place!

 

I would at least like SOMEONE to acknowledge the fact that we are getting married next year. The parties were a little bothersome, but I got over it. What sent me over the edge was last night.

 

We were at my FH's company summer party and every single person that hasn't met me yet kept saying "Oh, is this your girlfriend?" I know for a fact when he talks about me he calls me his fiancee, because I've heard him do it a million times. So is being engaged not important? Do people just assume that you are either boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife and nothing else exists in between?

 

 

Thanks for reading my "venting".

 

XO

[FutureMrsLewis]

Ugh. I hear ya honey! I get the SAME thing. I'll always refer to him as my fiancé, and he'll do the same for me, and we get girlfriend/boyfriend or husband/wife. There's a transitional stage in between people! You don't just go straight from boyfriend and girlfriend to husband and wife (unless it's a shotgun wedding I suppose lol). So now a lot of the times I refer to him as my husband. We're already common-law, so to call him a boyfriend feels... demeaning...

[BillysBride]

To be honest....I think maybe you're being just a teeeeeensy bit ..sensitive.

 

Hear me out. Here's the reason.

 

While we ALL consider our personal lives the most important thing in the world, that is not true for every acquaintance in our day to day lives. People who know one or both of us don't always absorb hearing "fiance" once or twice in passing. It's easy to forget if someone mentions "Oh, so and so got engaged" or even if that person says "Yea, I got engaged last week/month/year." It's HUGE to us...but people who don't necessarily know either of you that well probably don't always file the info away to pull out later whenever they might happen to see you.

 

I think everyone gets it. Hell, it's been a year since we got engaged and even my FH will catch himself sometimes calling me his girlfriend like if he has to call somewhere about something for us. lol It's just an honest mistake that comes out of spending years with someone as boyfriend/girlfriend. As time goes by..people will remember. Especially when fiance turns into WIFE. Believe me, they'll file that one away for future reference. lol

[JulieG]

My DH never called me his fiance, he hates that word for some reason so he never used it. He would call me his wife to be sometimes, or just Julie, never my fiance. I find some people just don't use that term, I was even called his wife by some before we were married. I think you are just upset about all the things that are going on and so you are letting this bother you maybe more than it should right now. You could easily correct them if you want to, or just let it go since you know you are his finace, and that is all that matters.

 

It really sucks that your families are so far away. Do you think your co-workers or his co-workers will have a shower for you?

[MarieSam]

Totally agree with Savannah! I've been with FI for 10 years -- yes 10 -- and I still call him my boyfriend. Honestly, I dont' really give a rats ass what someone else refers to me as or calls me, cuz at the end of the day, I know I got a rock on my finger and a crapload of money invested for June 26th. Honestly it's really just a title, and yes while our "status" with our significant others is important to us, it may not be the most important end all be all detail to others. ~ This is coming from a girl who will forget your name 10 seconds after I talk to you just because I have way too much racing through my mind already, lol

[BillysBride]

Eeeeeeeeeee, MarieSam....47 days!! ARE YOU SHITTIN' ME? I'm freaking FOR you! hahaha~

[starchild]

I actually understand both viewpoints on this Ashley, your thought that this is important and the alternative idea that it isn't such a big deal.

 

My experience - we had a short engagement. I had been with my guy for about 8 years at the time we announced our engagement. We called each other 'fiance' and if we met new people it was 'this is my fiance...', it was kind of funny for us because after all that time we fell under some some new classification lol. Keep in mind we had about 9 months from the engagement to wedding day, so we would only be someone's fiance for a short while and we said it.

 

Bottom line you should be excited about being his fiance and people should know about it. If you were his wife and someone called you his gf that would not be cool, so I get it. He's not just another boyfriend and vice versa. But, people are never as into us as we are so try not to get too upset when they don't acknowledge it.

[Butterflyf369]

To be honest, I've only been engaged for about 1.5 and I find it weird to call Mike my FI. I thought I'd get over it by now but it seems so foreign to me. It may simply be a weird concept for some...

[xxashleyxx007]

I think it just bothers me because when we were boyfriend and girlfriend it was just "dating". It was when we had our separate friends and lives and homes, and bills, etc. Now everything we do is in consideration of each other. Every bill we pay for our home together is taken out of our joint account. We are responsible for each other and when one person is in school the other is supporting the financial responsibilites with out a second thought. When one is coming home from work, they stop somewhere to get food or cook dinner so the one that's coming home later doesn't have to worry about cooking or cleaning after a 10 hour day at work. I think that's why it bothers me. It's just a word, but it means a little more than the responsibilities that only come with being a boyfriend or girlfriend. And it just bothers me that he's know these people for a year and they still refer to me as a girlfriend.

 

 

There is also some people who believe well it's just your girlfriend its ok to cheat until you're married. I know my FH doesn't think like this but it's the fact that most people that I know that are single think like this.... it gives me the heeby-jeebies. lol.

[~Nicole~]

Hey Ashley. I totally see what you're saying about the difference between responsibility levels with boyfriend/girlfriend and fiance, etc. I also understand why it seems insulting that someone would refer to you as only his "girlfriend", but I think those terms mean different things to different people. For example, I've been with FI for over 8 years. We lived together before we were engaged and have shared all of those responsibilities of paying bills, cooking dinner, etc that you were talking about and I was "just a girlfriend". So to me it never makes a difference what people call me because our commitment to each other was always present. Maybe I just feel that way because a lot of people now are "less traditional" when it comes to relationships, and what I mean by that is not everyone gets married! I have a lot of friends that just live common law, so I think people just don't know what to say anymore in a social atmosphere! Try not to get too upset about it. If it bothers you that much then just simply correct them and if they don't remember for the next time then they likely aren't worth much energy anyways!! Good luck!