Help settle the Tipping Debate

[Kristy621]

Ok I know that there are a couple of threads about tipping, but I have a specific question and having heated debates with my FI 2 weeks before the wedding... With all the stress already we don't need anymore.

 

So here is the question. Both my wedding planner and my resort are charging a 21% service fee on our package. Now I am not sure what others are paying but it seems pretty in line for the united states with a typical 20% tip but with the amounts we are spending it is a large sum.

 

Anyway the debate is over if we should be giving additional tips. I think yes, I don't think that my planner is going to share that with all the vendors. So I think we should at least tip the guitarist for our ceremony, the steel drum player for our cocktail hour, and the wait staff.

 

The my planner, the photog, and the DJ all work together like a package (and kind of the same company) So I think that I am ok with not giving an additional tip there, maybe, but I am not sure how to handle that.

 

His argument is that for example the wait staff what are we paying the 21% for if not for the wait staff tip... He is a firm believer in tipping should be at the customers discression, so if you charge us for a tip that that is it, no matter how the service is.

 

It really isn't worth the fight especially because I will never see these people again and I do kinda agree with him in some ways but I would be super embarassed if additional money is expected and we don't give it. I am super weird that way I don't want to look cheap... What a world we live in lol.

 

Long story I know but what do you ladies think?

[DanielleNDerek]

honestly you'll be so into your reception that you probably wont even have a chance to feel weird about it. Our package also included tip but our fathers (both of our parents paid for our reception) went around at the end of the reception and tipped all the wait staff and the DJ. The day after our wedding we tipped our wedding cordinator and gave our photog a small tip too.

 

Could you ask your wedding planner if any of the 21% service goes to the waitstaff?

[Kristy621]

I could ask her how she is going to handle that actually I would make him do it.. I am such a wimp! but she wouldn't be the one tipping the wait staff.

 

There are 2- 21% charges one from her which is fine this is how she makes her living and one from the resort for the reception. So in a sense 42% in tips or service fees... My FI is not a cheap person but we paid for the whole thing ourselves and he feels it's more then enough... The problem is that there is no right or wrong answers.. so how does anyone know what to do! thanks for the advice

[DanielleNDerek]

do you know how big the waitstaff is? maybe you could come up with a compromise like just giving them each a smaller amount.

[hanna]

huh? You are getting charged a 42% SC? That seems like a lot. I used to work at a resort- but in California.. but when they tipped on a banquet/wedding, it was distributed based on our breakdown to the service staff: waiters, bartenders, bussers, housemen(set-up/breakdown), and coordinator. If you are already paying 42% on your wedding, then I would say you have paid enough. Perhaps bring some extra cash if someone really goes above and beyond and you want to reward them specifically.

[Kristy621]

I know it sounds like a lot and it is ... lol ... but it is to two seperate entities. The resort has a service charge and my planner who is not associated with the resort has her charge or fee. So it is 21 and 21 not a true 42%... Please he would totally had a stroke, and I would have been close behind!

 

But it is good to know that the money is in fact going to given out to the people that are working the event. That eases my mind if we decide to not do anything additonal.

 

Thanks for the inside tip

[egsarah]

Yikes! We are struggling with the same issue. Everything has a surcharge stated for 15% tip..so I'm wondering if its broken down on each item then does that mean it gets distributed to that service provider (ie florist, officiant, wait staff)? We were thinking of only tipping the external vendors that we brought in and our wedding coordinator. I can't see tipping additionally to packaged service when we already are paying a 15% SC.

 

SOOO confusing