I have had a rough couple of days!!!!

[sjfreimark]

I don't even know where to begin. Ok lets start with my FI has a son with his ex wife. She is a nightmare. Basically my FI pays $400 in child support a month and we have his son 50/50. His ex-wife is remarried to a man who has money coming out of his ears and she doesn't have to work or anything (the life right). Anyway, my FI son had his tonsils taken out recently. She didn't even have any sort of conversation with my FI about doing this. My FI found out from his son. So now she has given us half of the bill for the procedure which is $600. I am so mad because she doesn't this shit all the time. I have no problem with my FI paying half. I understand his son is his responsibility but I am so frusterated because his ex wife didn't even consider his FATHER in the decision making process.

On top of everything my FI is now wondering if we should have a destination wedding because of costs. I am graduating in May with my B.A. in Elementary Education and because of the economy I don't know if I will have a job or not. My FI thinks we should pay our debt off and look to purchase a house right now because it's a good time to do so. I completely think it's the logical thing to do but I want to get married in Cabo. I have always wanted to get married on the beach. I am so torn because he says it might take us 3 or 4 years to have the wedding I want. I don't want to be engaged for 3 or 4 years!!!! I am just so frusterated and sad. He doesn't get it!!!!

 

Thanks for letting me vent!

[BillysBride]

As someone who has to deal with a baby mama from hell...you have my sympathy. Believe me.

 

Now...I think the best thing to do is to come up with a plan. Figure the absolute cheapest way to pull off your wedding and still have it look and feel the way you want (we have four kids, five with his..so you know we're on a budget like no other). Economize, plan it down to the last detail and get a cost sheet. Then you work on your month-to-month budget and just SHOW him that it can be done without putting the two of you in the poor house or sacrificing your future plans.

 

I'm constantly amazed at the amount of money a lot of brides put into their DW's. Not that they shouldn't, I just like the idea of saving where I can and don't really see a need to spend the same amount of money on this as I would if we had it locally. I'm not one to pay 5K for a dress and another 5 for photography, but that's just me and I want to be able to LIVE after this is over. If your FH is worried, put his fears to rest by showing him how reasonably this can be done.

 

I think the big..discomfort for a lot of guys (and family members) is that they have no idea what the REAL costs of something like this can be. They think ..lavish location + wedding and end up assuming it has to be expensive. Just show him that it doesn't, maybe play up the aspect of the honeymoon portion of the program so that he see's the expense serves a dual purpose.

 

Good luck!

[Sapphire723]

I'm sorry, dude. That really sucks. Especially all the baby mama drama. Is he legally obligated to pay for half of medical expenses as well? If not, I'd say let the rich bitch take care of it. I think it's messed up that his son had surgery and he wasn't informed until she sent him a bill. He should be allowed more involvement in his kid's life. Will the kid remember 10 years from now that his dad paid for half of the surgery? No. Will he remember that his dad wasn't even there to hold his hand? Likely. I don't know how child support works... can you have the courts reevaluate the situation if both parties remarry but the one who is getting the child support has a higher household income?

 

Can you afford the most extravagent dream wedding that you may have always wanted? Probably not. Can you afford a scaled back but still super beautiful destination wedding? Maybe.

 

From an investment standpoint, you probably should buy the house now, because it will pay off for you in the long run. However, you may not be able to secure a loan if you aren't employed and he owes child support. I would look into seeing if it's even possible for you to get a loan with a decent rate at this time. If not, then you don't even have to worry about that being an option.

 

From a bride's standpoint, which is more important to you: Cheaper wedding now or better wedding later? If you don't want to super scale back on your wedding, then you may have to wait (or work more than one job). I would also start pricing the barebones version of each resort's wedding package, plus adding in your must haves. You may have to shop around for locations to find one that's more affordable with a pretty beach.

 

Good luck!!

[Sapphire723]

Quote:

Originally Posted by BillysBride I'm constantly amazed at the amount of money a lot of brides put into their DW's. Not that they shouldn't, I just like the idea of saving where I can and don't really see a need to spend the same amount of money on this as I would if we had it locally. I'm not one to pay 5K for a dress and another 5 for photography, but that's just me and I want to be able to LIVE after this is over. If your FH is worried, put his fears to rest by showing him how reasonably this can be done.

I totally agree with you. I saw one bride pay $24k for her dress. I was like "Girl, for that amount of money you better be able to drive it or live in it!"

A budget to show him is a good idea, especially if he handles the household budget. He's probably worried about meeting all of the financial obligations, and he doesn't want you to be married with a dream wedding but have no heat when you get back home!

[BillysBride]

Quote:

I totally agree with you. I saw one bride pay $24k for her dress. I was like "Girl, for that amount of money you better be able to drive it or live in it!"

Coffee through the nose burns. Please ....a little warning next time.

$24,000..on a dress. Please tell me you lie. I don't care how much I had...I just cannot see that. It better have Christmas lights sewn into the bodice and come with it's own groom.

[Sapphire723]

Quote:

Originally Posted by BillysBride Coffee through the nose burns. Please ....a little warning next time. $24,000..on a dress. Please tell me you lie. I don't care how much I had...I just cannot see that. It better have Christmas lights sewn into the bodice and come with it's own groom.

And that groom better be a billionaire!

The best thing? She didn't even like it when it came in.

[sjfreimark]

Thank you girls soooo much for the support and advice We have my FI son half off the time so we knew about the surgery through his son. What really pissed us off was that she has already scheduled everything before even talking to my FI. My FI hates confrontation......especially with his ex. He feels that they have a son together and he should just keep the water calm for his son. I totally agree but at the same time I feel you should stand up for yourself when you feel something is not right. She walks all over him because she can......he allows it because he views the bigger picture as I am not going to have turmoil with my sons mother.

 

I almost choked on my carrot when I read about someone paying 24K for a dress!!! WTF? My mom is going to pay for the dress and his mom is going to pay for his attire so that's covered. To cut back I was thinking of not having a photographer and just learning about our digital cameras and having someone take pics. We can always take them to a photographer here in Boise and have them retouch stuff. So there's a $1000 gone. Then instead of the Riu Palace I was thinking the Riu Santa Fe. It's a little less expensive and they have a free wedding package if a certain amount of guests stay at the resort. Also, we were originally planning on staying for 10 days but I think I might cut that down to 7.

 

I don't really care about a super extravegent wedding. I just want something memorable for both of us and our families. I am totally ok with simple and easy. I was planning on doing a lot of DIY stuff for centerpeices and even my own bouquet.

 

Thank you again!!! I love this forum!! You girls are the best

[GracieBebe]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sapphire723 I totally agree with you. I saw one bride pay $24k for her dress. I was like "Girl, for that amount of money you better be able to drive it or live in it!"

OMG, was that on the show Say Yes to the Dress? If so, I saw that same episode. She has the dress custom made and her father was paying for it and she didn't even like it when it came it that she switched it to another dress that was even more expensive and she still didn't like everything on it so she has things changed on it!

[YoursTruly]

I agree with most of the girls. I am sure you want a nice wedding but if you have to save a bit for it, then the desire to be married now is not an option. You could also think of DIY projects to save money as a lot of girls do on BDW. Also either way, wait and see what your employment situation is like. Then decide what your next steps are.

[ebredhawk]

first of all, it makes me feel good to know that i'm not the only one having to deal who has to deal with a baby momma from hell!! i think we all need to start our own thread where we can just bitch and complain about the stupid, selfish and inconsiderate things some women can do! at least it would be therapeutic! rest assured that you will be a much better mother and wife than she could ever hope to be!! it just seems like when it rains it pours though, doesn't it?

 

also, get your FI on here if he needs to see how cost-effective a DW can be when you create a budget, have lots of DIY projects, find deals on supplies and travel, etc. make it sound like it will be fun for him too and explain your reasoning for not wanting such a long engagement. keep us posted and i'll keep my fingers crossed that he gets some BDW-sense knocked into him!