Uninvited Guests

[CrystalM]

I have been dealing with the same exact thing!!

 

My bridesmaids are driving me batty with this! One is very much single asking if she can bring someone as her date, one is married and invited another friend (someone I don't know!).

 

My damn photographer (works with FI) is bring a girl who is rude to me every time I stop into their work. We're paying for the photographers room and she's staying with him. She is not on my guest list for people from FI's work either

 

My mom invited her husbands (my, umm...2nd step father)parents - I've met them TWICE - once in passing and the last time I saw them was Christmas 2006.

 

My dad has asked his best buddy to go with him and I've met him once at my grandma's funeral.

 

My solution is that whoever is on my guests list is who is on it. I'm sending "passes" for the invited only. If the +1's want to go, fine, but they're paying for their own meals and stuff. They can join us, but I'm not paying for their dinner and stuff. I've got 9 months to go and already my list is up 6 people. At $70 (dinner, 1 drink and gratuities) per person, they are on their own.

[*HOLLY*]

Quote:

Originally Posted by KLC77 You could make it clear to people that while you can't decide who goes to the resort, their "extra" guests will not be invited to your wedding. Some people don't realize that there are still costs to a dw and you shouldn't have to pay for univited guests. This would at least mean you don't have to hang out with them on your wedding night.

I agree with this also. You can maybe even add in there they are not able to attend the wedding! They are more than welsome to come to the resort but not participate in your wedding functions!

[Katiem2012]

Wow, well I'm glad others are having the same issue. My fiancee and I are planning our wedding in Punta Cana in March 2012 and we're already having uninvited guests invite themselves. My fiancee's ex is actually trying to find herself an invitation as a plus one of one of his friends... it's killing me and I hope she doesn't come. She's been trying to break us up since the minute we got together and it's been horrible. I think I'll take you're advice and not let her use the group rate or attend any of the events... it's just really hard if she's the plus one of one of my fiancee's friends...and I'll still have to put up with her being at the resort.. ugh!

[Jamaica2012]

Marie, I do not think you are over-reacting in the least! This is your wedding! Why would anyone ever want their FI's ex's at their wedding and what type of people would be that stupid to invite them!!!

I feel bad! Wish I had advice for you! You sound like a very nice girl and probably wouldn't do this but what I would do is tell that person who invited her to uninvite her! I also wouldn't pay extra $ to have her at my wedding especially if she was causing problems when you 2 first started dating! Those type of girls disgust me! I say tell your FI BF's GF to uninvite her!!!! However she wants to do that is up to her but she caused the problem and now she should fix it!! Good Luck!!
 

Originally Posted by Marie 

One of the pros to having a destination wedding (or so you would think) is you dont have to worry about those unwanted, univited guests showing up or showing up as someone elses guest.

I'm from a very small town, where we all know eachother-but doesnt mean we all like eachother. The traditional wedding is in a hall- and usually by the end of the night, you have random people show up--people that you didnt like in high school, people that cause fights, people that were...say...."too flirty" with your finace etc etc...

The point is--we all have people we avoid inviting, and perhaps secrelty worry they'll somehow find a way to your wedding.

Well, we decided to go to Jamaica...so I didnt have to worry about ANY of that right? WRONG.

We have a total of 28 people confirmed. We only invited immediate family, aunts/uncles/cousins and our very best friends that we currently hang out with.

Now, theres a number of "univited guests" taging along with some of our guests....these people are people we know--but did NOT invite.

I understand the resort is NOT MY resort, I know anyone can go there---fine....but come on!!! These are people that we are not friends with, I certainly dont want them at the wedding, and never mind having them to hang out with us for an entire week!

I'm not the type ofperson to confront these people and tell them how it bothers me......my friends say to relax, who cares....ignore them......it just bothers me so much.

And these people who are asking others to join the group...are people we arent close with...for example, my fiances best friend's GF is asking her sister and her bf to come down......(the sister is an ex gf of my fiance.....and the first few years, she was always there causing trouble for us....trying to make me jeous...I despise her.....I want her nowhere around us EVER)...AND NOW SHE AND HER BF ARE COMIGN TO OUR WEDDING? Then theres another gf of one of my fiances friends, and she too is taking her sister along........

Maybe Im wrong to be venting?? I cant stop anyone from travelling....but its going to be incredibly awkward having thses "univited" guests down ont her esort, constantly with our group--and then the day of the wedding, Ill lookl ike a bitch if I dont invite them..Im just not keen on paying 55 bucks a person for people I didnt originally invite........

WHy am I letting this bother me so much? And what makes these INVITED guests think its ok to ask people to the resort with us.....and then what makes these UNIVITED guests think its ok to go.......*sigh*

 

[mnicole20]

I think it is totally inconsiderate of other people to invite their own guests to your wedding!  I am dealing with the same thing-my BM invited 2 of her friends to my wedding.  GRRR! It's not spring break, it's my WEDDING!  I'm so angry and frustrated, so I understand where you're coming from!  My plan is to be up front about the way it makes me feel-that this is a very special occasion, and we already invited all the people we wanted to be there, no additions.  We'll see if that is clear enough!  Good Luck!

[mnicole20]

I think it is totally inconsiderate of other people to invite their own guests to your wedding!  I am dealing with the same thing-my BM invited 2 of her friends to my wedding.  GRRR! It's not spring break, it's my WEDDING!  I'm so angry and frustrated, so I understand where you're coming from!  My plan is to be up front about the way it makes me feel-that this is a very special occasion, and we already invited all the people we wanted to be there, no additions.  We'll see if that is clear enough!  Good Luck!

[Katiem2012]

Ugh so we've now had about 4 guests including my future MIL invite people they thought would be invited to the wedding... I've posted the following on our website....

 

*Just a note to our friends and family. We have been receiving some questions as to whether invited guests are able to invite additional individuals to join us on the trip to celebrate our wedding. Although we certainly welcome anyone who wishes to stay at the resort during our wedding week, only those who have been invited will be able to attend the wedding festivities. We decided on a destination wedding in order enjoy a smaller more intimate celebration and have only invited those closest to us to join us on our special day and celebrations.

 

We hope that everyone understands and respects our wishes in this matter.

 

People seem to be getting the hint as we've had a couple apologies from the people we've spoken with!!

[AfricanVenus]

Katiem: You are spot on. Just be upfront with people. Truth hurts, but it'll make things better in the long run. My guests knew they had to go thru me to invite plus-ones. It was just that simple. I said, "They can come, but they won't be invited to the wedding." People have to respect your wishes. It's not Spring Break, it's not just a vacation. They can do that mess on their own time and their own dime, lol.

[mexicobride422]

What you wrote is just so perfectly worded! Polite and straight to the point.. Personally, I don't see how or why other people would invite someone to a DW.. Yes, I know you cannot stop people from being at the resort, but it just seems so rude and inconsiderate.. We are currently in the process of sending out our STD's and I am hoping that we will not have to deal with this issue. If we do, I may be stealing your post!

[Katiem2012]

haha steal away! I'm glad you ladies think it's written nicely, I was a little worried I was being too direct..