How to tasefully go about...

Jenamie · April 1, 2009

Talking about one who has died.

Last year my FI best friend died in a plane crash when they where deployed, Well he wanted Josh to be in his wedding with him, but after he died wedding planing has felt like he was missing something, so I asked him if he wanted his friends wife to stand in for him. He was so excited and when he asked her she was more than willing to do it

But I want to say something to her at the wedding or do something for her to say a HUGE thank you because I know how hard it will be almost the year anniversary of her husbands death to be at a wedding. and it just means so much to my FI that she will be standing by his side.

I've never met her but I love her and just giving her the same thing as the bridesmaid (witch I am) just dose not feel enough

Jacilynda · April 1, 2009

I like this idea! This is so sweet. I don't know, personally if it were me I would do a thank you w/ her in private. A nice gift and a great thank you.

Inked1 · April 1, 2009

Maybe you could ask her if there was something special she would like to read as part of the ceremony, perhaps something that was read when she was married that meant a lot to her husband.

At my sister's wedding we also kept a place setting empty to honor those loved ones who had passed but were most definitely there with us in our hearts.

Kristy! · April 1, 2009

I was at a wedding where a GM passed away a few weeks beforehand. They had a candle in his place. Maybe she could carry a candle to remember him during the ceremony.

I agree with Jacilynda about doing a private thank you. I would definitely include a nice letter with whatever gift you come up with.

MexicoBeachBride2010 · April 1, 2009

Have you thought about talking with her before your wedding day? I'm not sure how she is dealing with the loss of her husband but I know just the thought of it would make me incredibly sad. Maybe before the wedding you could talk to her in private and ask her if there's something you can do at your wedding in rememberance of him and tell her how much you appreciate that she is stepping in for her husband at your wedding. I'm sure she'll be very honored that you both cared about her husband so much. I found a poem online that I am putting in a frame and displaying candles in memory of each person who was important in our lives but is no longer with us. I'll try to attach it for you. Good luck, I'm sure your wedding will be beautiful!

Poem:

In Memory Of All Those

Who Aren't With Us Today....

*

We thought of you with love today

but that is nothing new, We thought

about you yesterday and the days

before that too. We think of you in silence.

We often speak your name.

Now all we have are the memories

and your picture in a frame.

Your memory is our keepsake,

with which we'll never part.

God has you in his keeping,

we have you in our hearts.

Sammygurlj · April 1, 2009

I know I have seen many wedding where people have memorial candles. Something like this:

and you could have her carry it down the isle.

I would give her the candle and you and FI write her a letter saying how much it means to you for her to be there. It's not so much what you are giving her, that probably won't mean as much to her as knowing how much you guys cared for her husband and appreciate her being there.