Need advice and help!!!

[jax_the_beach_bride]

Okay so, here we go.... my FFIL is not coming to our wedding because he claims that he is 'medically' unable to fly!? Many other family members dont believe that its true.. he has flown many times in the past and since he remarried for the 3rd time he has been totally different.... her sons all live on the west coast and she wanted him to fly with her to visit them but he told her he 'couldnt' fly because he has a benign tumor... THEN... when we decided to have our wedding in Cuba.. she was all like yeah we cant go because he cant fly.. basically telling us that we are assholes in a round-about-way... Im really frustrated because we look like the bad guys and i really think that its just a case of him not wanting to admit he lied to HER because he didnt want to go out west.... i know that is a pretty big accusation but it doesnt make sense and my FI plays it like its no big deal but every time we go over and im alone with them.. SHE makes a stab at me about something to do with the wedding....and i really wish that he would tell them straight up that it was a joint decision to have our wedding in Cuba and that MY parents are the ones footing the bill.. and if they wanted us to have a wedding here... then they could have helped out too... like to have a wedding in Cuba which is both our wedding and honeymoon, its going to cost under 5000$ where as a wedding at home would easily cost over 10,000$... what do you guys think.... Does anyone know anything about Benign tumors?

 

OH and i just found out that Penny (his wife) goes around town telling people that his dad really wants to see his son get married but doesnt want to say anything to us about it... like WTF>>>>>!!!!!

[Bridget810]

I know that if you have blood clots you are not supposed to fly.... but as for benign tumors, I don't see why that would prevent someone from flying...?? I know your pain; my FFIL is refusing to come to the wedding because he claims to have a phobia of flying; however, like yours,vhe has flown plenty of times in the past. How annoying for you, and sad for your FI.

[CaboBride2010]

i am so sorry you are going through this I am not sure why a benign tumour would be a problem since its not a dangerous tumour however the fear of flying I would say unless he tells you differently on his own that there is another reason that I would be sad he decided not to go but that it is his choice. He may have flown alot in his life but that does not make him prone to developing a fear of flying so dont be too quick to get mad at him.

Would it be possible for you to go to coffee with your FMIL to get her out of the house and have you FI spend that time with his dad one on one trying to see if indeed he does have a fear of flying or that something else is bothering him your FFIL may not feel pressured wihtout his wife sitting right there listening and he may open up to his son when he feels he may no upset anyone else. Sorry if that made no sense lol im so tired, but I hope it all works out

[jennierin]

I think many of us have had this problem.

 

I think I have heard every excuse under the sun the last 3 months as to why some family members cannot come to the wedding. Anywhere from "we'll be trying to get pregnant" to "I won't be able to get the time of work" (11 months in advance, mind you) to "we just renovated our kitchen so we can't afford it" (which is BS). I have started telling people to just tell me that they don't want to come and not to make thin excuses for it (not necessarily in those words).

 

Surprisingly enough, all of our immediate family will be there except for one. My FI's step-father will not be coming. The excuse that we were given was that he has "leaky heart valves" and "he has already traveled before". Hmmmm...not so sure that we believe it entirely, there is not bi-pass surgery booked in the close (or even far-away) future and as my FI said, "he hasn't traveled to see me get married before". Oh well, we've taken it with a grain of salt and have gotten over it. However, if FMIL started complaining about the fact that he isn't coming then that would get me fuming mad!

 

My Mother has a benign cyst in her brain which she has had for 6+ years now. She has to have a CT scan yearly to make sure that it isn't growing or anything. She is flying with us to the wedding and her neurologist hasn't told her anything that would contradict her flying in her condition.

 

I think you and your FI need to sit down with your FFIL and his wife and have a talk about how they are feeling and how you two are feeling regarding the wedding. It's a shame that your FFIL's wife is talking behind your back and not even telling you and your FI how she and your FFIL are feeling. Maybe once it's out in the open there could be some compromises made? Is there anyway that you could set up a webcam so he could still be there? Are you having an AHR and you can recreate the ceremony there for your FFIL? Lastly, is there anyway that you can convince them to attend at all? I don't know, it's just a thought.

 

Just remember why you two are getting married and why you chose to have a DW. Some people won't be able to attend. Some more important than others. The day is about you and your FI pledging your love and commitment to one another, not about what everyone else wants. Keep that in mind, and don't sweat the small stuff.

[jennierin]

Oops, double post!

[YoursTruly]

See if you can have a 1:1 with your dad and get the scoop. Try not to pre-judge not having had a conversation though its hard. You have to also accept the fact that this whole scenario of excuses will become the story of you guys lives. It is very disappointing but it also tells the story of who is truly in your corner or not.

[jax_the_beach_bride]

thanks ladies... its been a frustrating go.. but i think that if we have an AHR.. then it defeats the purpose of having a DW... because thats where all of the costs are associated for a wedding.. and i feel that if we did have an AHR .. it wouldnt be for us .. we would be doing it to appease them.. and im not so sure thats what we should do.. because if we start appeasing now.. thats what we will be doing our whole lives... the one good thing is that his mom will be there with her husband (his step dad) so that makes things a little better.. i guess i wish his fathers wife would stop shooting her mouth off because in reality she is nothing to mark.. ive known mark longer than she has!