MOH... From hell

Jenamie · March 23, 2009

Okay my best friend I love her to death but I should have known better when I asked her to be my MOH... wait I didn't she told me she was... anyways not the point here...

She is full of herself and very high maintenance and very scatter brain... She has been my best friend for years...

BUT from the moment I got engaged (she is simi engaged but not really for over a year but no one will budge on who will move to whom when they get married so they are not yet) I try to talk wedding stuff with her and she talks about what she wants for hers, I try to get things done she talks about what hers could be (mind you never had a date)

its coming up 5 months until my wedding and none of my girls have a dress yet. My sister is 12 so thats on my dad and my sister in law just had a baby like 6 weeks ago so I let her slide hehe. but my MOH has done nothing until I get a text from her when I'm in the air port on my way to see my FI saying "I bought my dress for your wedding"

WHAT!!!!!

Mind you it is there choice but I wanted to see what everyone wanted first and then get them at the same time...

So I'm pissed but hopping air planes at the time so I cant talk to much too her, though she dose email me the dress and its one of the ones I had liked but I'm still really mad she just buys one with out talking to me about it first... Seriously who thinks oh the bride wont care what dress I get for her wedding :/

Well fast forward I'm working on the photographers paperwork with my FI and she asks for the MOHs email, well mine has like 40 of them all for different things and at one given time I have no idea what one she is using, so I send her a quick text asking her what one I can give to my photographer and the only text I get back is a "huh" so I ask what she is confused with and get no responds.... so the next day I send her another text with no responds.... so finally I send her a long email about needing her help with some stuff and she really needs to step it up or I will find me another MOH... I understand she is long distance but there are alot of stuff she could be doing long distance, because the whole wedding is a DW!!!!

I'm just so frustrated because I'm already not getting a bachlorett party or did not get an engagement party... nor will I have a bridal party

So I'm trying to plan my own girls lunchin, on my own, for a few days before the wedding....

big3n09 · March 23, 2009

Sorry your having these issues but it's sad to say that too often brides get hell from those we think we can depend on the most. I would wait a little to see how she responds to the discussion you had with her about your feelings nd then make a decision. Don't move too hastly because this situation could really damage you guys riendship, no fault of yours, but do keep that in mind.

big3n09 · March 23, 2009

Sorry your having these issues but it's sad to say that too often brides get hell from those we think we can depend on the most. I would wait a little to see how she responds to the discussion you had with her about your feelings nd then make a decision. Don't move too hastly because this situation could really damage you guys riendship, no fault of yours, but do keep that in mind.

YoursTruly · March 23, 2009

Life goes on....plan what you need to plan and tell her to get in line......She is way out of line and you have been more than gracious already. But be prepared for her trifling behavior to continue

Jenamie · March 25, 2009

Yeah I finaly got her in line... so hopefuly it will stay this way...

JaimeLynne · March 25, 2009

I'm sorry I do think it's weird that she appointed herself to the position and now is acting so selfish. Sounds like she just needs to be the center of attention.

Honestly, I felt like my MOH was leaving me in the dark for quite awhile until I called her the night of our 3 month countdown crying and asking for help. She totally stepped up - not only as my very close friend but also as MOH. The next week we were meeting for dinner and she had printed out calendars for myself, her and my FI with a cute pic of us in the background. I now realize I just needed to ask. I also called my other BM that night and she totally stepped up too.

Anyways, def. not the same situation but just wanted to let you know I can sorta relate - sometimes that helps in itself! And BDW girls will totally help you out and get you back on your feet when your "friends" or family seem to vanish...

Glad to hear you've "got her in line" now (lol). Sounds like you're gonna have to either keep her under tight surveillance or start delegating things to other friends/family members ASAP. I would do the latter. Just let her do her thing, and in the end she'll hopefully see that it's her that is being insensitive - not you. Maybe start by giving her a small task or two and see how she handles the job. If she can't do that, move on to other people for help because believe me - YOU WILL NEED HELP! LOL I can tell you I am doing SOOOO much better emotionally today at my 2 month countdown than I was at my 3 month countdown. Most of that was reaching out for help from MULTIPLE people, and also making to-do lists.

Hope that helps some... good luck!

*Edit* Oh and also forgot to mention I did end up asking one BM to step down. You can usually fish around and see what they're feeling - they may not want the job/stress. Can be hard for everyone, but in the end I only want people there who want to be there and who will be of help to me. That is, after all, what a bridal party is supposed to be!