Ladies Please Don't Forget......

[Sapphire723]

Quote:

Originally Posted by lolkitteh That's actually a misconception. Proper etiquette dictates that guests have a year to send a gift after the wedding. For thank you cards, they should be sent within two weeks of receipt of a gift prior to the wedding, and within two to three months afterwards. 2-3 months is still quite a long time, though.

But when should send a thank-you if someone did not bring a gift to your wedding or send it 2-3 months after? Should you send them a note thanking them for coming and then send another note if they give you a gift a year later? If so, doesn't that seem unfair to the people who were at your wedding and more prompt with their giving who only received one note?

[Jesdinan]

Wow, It is so funny to see what strong opinions people have on this issue. While I agree that etiquette demands certain things, I don't go to a wedding so that I can be thanked for coming. Nor do I buy the gift because I want a thank you card. A gift is a voluntary act which does not require anything in return. In my opinion, a true gift should not be given with expectation that you receive a thank you card in return. It should be given from the heart with no expectations of reciprocity in any form. As a result, if I am upset that I didn't get a thank you for giving a gift, then I know that my gift was not a gift in the truest sense of the word but just an action I took because it was socially expected.

 

I think weddings are getting so commercialized. There's the engagement party, a shower (sometimes multiple showers) and the wedding itself. Gifts are expected at all events. People register for all of these things at all of these stores. All I want from people, whether they attend the wedding or not, is sincere well wishes and to help me celebrate, in their own way, this wonderful occaision in my life. That is their "gift" to me.

 

Just my thoughts, though.

[KristinaM]

I also believe strongly in thank you's.. BUT the best ones are sent because you sincerely want to thank someone, not because it is required or etiquette. I love sending thank you's for little things all of the time.. thanks for dinner, thanks for coffee, thanks for listening when I was upset the other day... etc. You never realize how much it may brighten someones day.

As for the wedding ones- I understand how they can get tricky- but I think the important thing, whether it's a card sent in a timely manner or not- is to make sure you thank the people who were there for you and gave you gifts in whatever personal way best suits you, them, and the situation since all are different.

All I mean really is- don't forget the root of the reason you are sending them!

[Banana11]

So I just had my wedding only 5 weeks ago. We planned on sending thank you cards to all that attended, regardless of receiving a gift. I wanted to wait until all pictures were back so we could make personalized cards. I hear through the family grapevine that someone is upset they haven't received a thank you and can't believe I didn't send one! Um, hello?! We just got back! Geesh! That was frustrating. DH said we should skip them when we do send out the cards...but of course we sent one. And the kicker was I had personally thanked them during the trip for their generous gift!

[Sapphire723]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesdinan There's the engagement party, a shower (sometimes multiple showers) and the wedding itself. Gifts are expected at all events.

Technically, you are not supposed to gift at an engagement party, but people do it anyway.

[boscobel]

I got married 10 months ago and am still working on my thank you's. I think it's a waste of time, but etiquette says I have to do it. I had over 300 people at my AHR wedding reception, so it's a hell of alot to write and you lose originallity. I always open thank you's over the trash, read it and throw it right away. So I hope that this is a formality that evolves away.

 

On the other hand, when it is something personal, I love thank you's! I even make my own cards when someone gives me a special gift. So it isn't thank you cards, I am against. But wedding thank you cards. Can't it just be expected that the bride and groom are thankful, cuz, duh, we are!

 

I know that most people don't agree with me, but that's what opinions are for.

 

Oh, and I WILL have mine out before the 1 year mark, but barely.

 

But for my shower gifts, which were more personal. I wrote a personal note to every person within about 2 weeks and they were mailed before we left for Jamaica. But thank you's for cash gifts (which is like 95% of my wedding gifts) are so boring to write and impersonal.

[Sapphire723]

Quote:

Originally Posted by dolcegirl01 I have been writing thank yous sine before our wedding. I mostly have done them for people that gave gifts though. I hadn't thought about sending them to the people at the wedding, but in retrospect maybe I should. I mostly figured we paid for so many things are our DW (we took them on tons of trips, paid for some hotel rooms, etc) to say thank you and gave them all thank you gifts when they were at the wedding that was enough. Do you think I should still send a proper card? Our wedding was on January 20th.....

Kate, I think it would be nice if you sent one to the people who traveled all that way but did not give a gift. Since it's a little on the late side, maybe include a picture you took during the trip with them in it. That would be a nice surprise for a guest to receive.

[Hartyt509]

I understand the importance of thank you cards and I was brought up where whenever you received a gift, birthday or otherwise, you either sent a card or you made a phone call thanking people and this I have done since I could write and speak.

 

At my last wedding I did sent out thank you cards but only to those that gave me a gift why would I thank someone for coming to my wedding drinking all the booze and stuffing their face at my expense lol They weren't coming to wish me well but because they had a sense of "duty" to come.

 

This time there will be 9 of us including myself and FI and IF I get a gift off anyone (which to be honest I don't expect or even require) then I will send a card. However I will not be sending thank you cards for the guests who are spending approximately 5 hours with us on the wedding day and the rest of the time getting slaughtered at the hotel or going on trips. They have booked a trip to Cancun and it happens to coincide with my wedding. Maybe its a UK thing but if I went and thanked my guests and also then gave them a card they are very likely to say to me WTF is that for!!! lol

 

The only one that will expect a thank you will be FMIL and she can kiss my ass because I'd only send her a card if she DIDN'T come lmao

 

I know most won't agree with this but this is me.

 

I think there is a time and place for thank you cards but there is also overkill!

[YaelM]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesdinan Wow, It is so funny to see what strong opinions people have on this issue. While I agree that etiquette demands certain things, I don't go to a wedding so that I can be thanked for coming. Nor do I buy the gift because I want a thank you card. A gift is a voluntary act which does not require anything in return. In my opinion, a true gift should not be given with expectation that you receive a thank you card in return. It should be given from the heart with no expectations of reciprocity in any form..

I TOTALLY agree 100%

[*Nadine*]

Quote:

Originally Posted by yoAzul I TOTALLY agree 100%

I agree as well! Whether its etiquette or not, I cannot imagine not sending a thank you card to each and every person that attends our wedding. Not only did they spend all that money to attend, they also took a week out of their lives to be there. Gift or no gift, their presence at my wedding deserves a huge thank you.