What is it with women?

Cattie · March 5, 2009

Is it me, or does it seem like women freak out when in a wedding?

So let me give the back story.

There is a group of 3 of us that are very close friends. 1 is a gay man, my closest female friend, and myself. We all work together, hang out, ect. So when we decided on a DW the 2 of them decided to share a room. I asked my female friend to be my MOH. I was going to ask my aunt who we are very close, and she's not much older then me, but they have 3 kids, the oldest is graduating HS this year. I didn't want them to incur the added $$ that comes with being a MOH. So I asked my GF. Everything is great, we plan my bachelorette party, ect.

About 2 weeks ago, she gets very weird, very distant, standoffish, ect. I ask her what is going on, she tells me she has alot going on, she keeps her life very private (which I've known forever) so I just ask her if the problems are short or long term, since if they're long term would mean her not making the wedding. She tells me, she can't answer it. I tell her, when she wants to talk to me I'm there. I give her space, time, whatever she needs.

Last week, I paid off her cruise with my tax money, tell her this since the final payment was due Feb 28. She says ok, she'll get me the money. Well then I see her, she never says anything about money. I don't press the issue, just give her space.

Saturday, I remind her about my final fitting on Wednesday, ask her if she is still planning on making it. She tells me her sister has court and asked her to go, it was at 9am a hour from the bridal store, she wasn't sure she was going to make it. Now mind you, 5 weeks ago, when I made the appt. I told her and she swore she would be there. Now, why wouldn't she tell me as soon as she found out about her sister that she wasn't going to be able to make it, can we reschedule it. I totally would have, I wanted her to be there. However, she says nothing until I bring it up 5 days before the appt?

Now, my mom and I plan on going to the outlets shopping yesterday, due to weather, we changed it to today after my fitting. We met my gay friend for dinner. We asked my GF to come meet us for dinner, she doesn't respond to any of our texts or phone calls.

She's been dodging both of us all week. She just keeps saying "I can't talk right now, we'll talk later" Well seriously, WTF. I have 2 months before my wedding. I gave her every opportunity to say she can't go, she has to much going on. I'm not going to be so insensitive to the fact she is having issues and has to cancel her trip, just say something!!!

She never calls or texts me to see how I made out today. So at dinner we're talking about it, we figured out a back up plan if she decides she can't go. Our friend, her room mate for the cruise calls and leaves her a nasty message. She called him back, and he had asked about my fitting. She sends me a text saying how she said she had court with her sister, ect.

I finally snapped. I called her out and told her I need to know if she is going to be there for me. I need to know I can count on her being my MOH. She tells me she doesn't need the added pressure from me or anyone else. Then tells me she's not coming to the wedding. I tell her that is fine, if she needs me I still consider her a dear friend, to call me.

She calls our friend and tells him that I don't understand what she is going through. Well HELLO! Of course I don't because you won't tell me!! He proceeds to ask her if she understands that it's the most important day of my life and I want to know if she's going to be there to support me? Hell, I told her not to even through me a shower. I didn't want one. So it's not like I was trying to abuse her friendship. All I asked was for her to come to Bermuda and stand for me.

So basically, now I have to cancel her reservation, get my refund, move my friend into a different room that is around the same price for a single person, and find a new MOH!

My mom and I talked about it, and I'm going to have my aunt be my MOH. I had bought her alot of stuff along the way since she was doing my makeup for the wedding, and she's very special to me. Good thing I was basically treating her as a BM with gifts even though she wasn't one!!

Why do I see so many brides having MOH/BM issues? Are we that bad at judging character sometimes? Or is it that women tend to flake out? I just don't understand it. If I am ever blessed to be asked to be a MOH, I would do everything I could to make the brides day special. The FI said I should just stick to gay men as my girlfriends lol.

Phew, that feels so much better venting to someone other then my mom and other friend. I'm just so confused!!

Jenamie · March 5, 2009

I'm so sorry you have to go threw all that!

I'm not completly there with you but my MOH when I call her she has to tell me all about her life and really skips over what I'm trying to get across with her....

Sometimes girls just get funny about things, but I realy wish she would come forward to you so you could put together what was going on with her all along... *bug hugs*

Hartyt509 · March 5, 2009

Yeah I think some women are weird lol I had loads of problems with my MOH at first but then she and her hubby booked. Since then she has split up with the hubby and her friend is coming and she is more on board than I want her to be lol

FutureMrsLewis · March 6, 2009

I think you're on to something Cattie... MOH's always seem to flake out, or do a complete flip and become control freaks... I seriously only started thinking about this now...

My oldest sister got married in 2005. Her MOH was a complete crackpot, to the point where I wanted to poke her in the face and never speak to her again. She drove everyone bananas and shortly after the wedding her and my sister stopped talking.

My other sister (middle child) got married in 2007. She picked a girl from Alberta (where sis was living at the time) to be her MOH. About 6 months before the wedding, they have a HUGE fight, cut all ties, and then my sister finds another girl for MOH, who didn't do anything more than the rest of us bridesmaids, if not less. She couldn't even make arrangements to have the same gown as the rest of us, so she showed up in a different, slightly off-colour gown, and we all just went with it.

I haven't picked a MOH yet, I have two sisters who I can't choose between, and both are married so I can't do Matron/Maid, and I don't have any "close" friends here in town. Now I'm worrying if my MOH, whoever she may be, will flake too. It seems to be a trend lol

Kristy! · March 6, 2009

Honestly, this is why I don't envy men. Girls are crazy!

sarafish81 · March 6, 2009

Sorry to hear what you're going through! I've had a few issues with my MOH too actually, just within the past few months. She lives in another province so she's not able to really "be there" for me (i.e. bridal shower, stagette, etc.) which is fine - I knew that when I asked her to stand up for me. However, she's been really weird about her dress which has caused stress on my end. We ordered my FI's and his best man's shirts before Christmas and I told her the color that the best man would be wearing. She told me she wanted to wait to look for a dress since she had recently had a baby and wanted to lose some weight and also wanted to wait for spring stock to arrive in the stores (our wedding party only consists of my MOH and the best man).

I went to visit her about a month ago and we couldn't find anything for her to wear (we were looking in the malls, not bridal shops, because we thought we could find something). She told me not to worry, that she knew of a bridal shop that she could order a dress from. However, it was left too late and now she had to buy off the rack as there wasn't enough time to order a dress. Anyhow, she went looking and said she couldn't find the color and wanted a different color instead. The problem is, the best man had his shirt in the color my FI and I agreed upon and for her to get a dress in a different color made no sense (I am paying for her dress BTW). Now we were trying to talk over email and sometimes that doesn't work, so I called her. She didn't answer her phone and then would email me her responses to my voicemail messages....GRRR so annoying!

Anyway, she found the dress she wanted, in the color I wanted, but it's in NY. With the exchange rate to the Cdn dollar, plus rush shipping, plus alterations, this dress is now costing me over $200USD, which I was not prepared for. It will be fine, I know dresses are expensive, however, I feel like this could have been handled in a better, more efficient way on her end. Then she told me that we (my FI and I) should have had her get her dress first in the color she wanted and then ordered the best man's shirt....LOL I've known this girl for 11 years and we never argue! It must be the wedding.