BM gift advice

jamaica2009bride · March 1, 2009

I know there are lots of BM gift threads, but I'm really looking for advice. I got each of my four BMs a necklace (a different one for each girl as their tastes vary), for about $100 each. They each bought their own dresses ($100 each) and spent about $20 each on purses and jewelry, and another $50 each on shoes (they decided on the shoes- I would have preferred that they just pay $10 for a pair of flipflops). Plus they are paying to come to the wedding in Jamaica of course.

Two of the girls are getting their hair done at the salon, two are not. My question is, we are already wayy over budget on this wedding. Do you think I am obligated to pay for the hair of the two girls that are getting it done? I want to pay for it so much, and I would have loved for this not to have cost them anything, but we just can't afford it right now. I know another $200 doesn't seem like much but we are really strapped for money with this wedding. Plus, I would feel like I had to get something additional for the two girls that are not getting hair done at the salon.

Is $100 per girl enough? WHAT DO I DO This is stressing me out a lot.

hsims1 · March 1, 2009

Well I would have to say that you probably don't have to pay for the girls hair. I have been in destination weddings before and they did not pay for the hair. But if you do decide to do something, you should do it for everyone.

I am sure your friends would understand budget issues, and would not want you to stretch yourselves out over your budget. So I am sure they don't mind picking up the hair themselves.

lolkitteh · March 2, 2009

I think most people that are asked to be bridesmaids understand that if you accept the invitation to be part of the wedding party, that they will incur and absorb the expense of it. That is, paying for the dress, shoes, attending the wedding, getting yourself made-up, etc. I don't think that should change for a DW. Yes, being a BM in a DW is arguably more expensive than being a BM at a traditional wedding, but IMHO, accepting the offer of being a BM in a DW means understanding that there will be those additional costs involved. I have certainly been involved in weddings where I paid for all of these things, and never expected to be reimbursed for them.

Thus, while I think it is a nice gesture to offer to pay for makeup/hair, etc, I don't think it's necessary. I have personally offered to pay for my MoH dress, and will pay for all attendants' hair/makeup, just because I don't personally want them to have that expense, but again, I don't think a BM should expect it, nor do I think the gesture is 100% necessary.

The only situation where I would think you should pick up the cost of makeup and/or hair is if you specified a particular makeup or hairstyle look that would be difficult for your attendants to replicate on their own. (As in, they would *have* to get a pro to do it to get it to look decent). If that is the case, then it would be, IMHO, a necessary courtesy to pick up the tab for it. If you aren't dictating any particular style, and they can choose how they will look on your wedding day then there is really no need to offer to pick up the tab for their makeup and hair.