Need to vent about SIL!

[TammyWright]

Mods can this be moved to vents forum

[Lucky_Girl]

And now to truly confirm that it's not me, it's her...

 

Yesterday was my birthday. She did send a short email in the morning (happy birthday, all the best) and I replied. A long rambling email about:

- Thank you for the birthday wishes

- Wedding planning updates

- I told her for the first time that FI and I put an offer on a house and should find out today if we get it

- And other random updates about life and work (I started a new job a month ago)

 

....she didn't reply....but her family will stand behind her and defend her. How could she be a bad person, she sent me that first birthday email. She did the same thing with our engagement. The day we announced to his whole family we were engaged, she said nothing to either of us. A few weeks later a generic congratulations card came in the mail. And again, she did the bare minimum to do the "right" socially acceptable thing.

[Ana]

that's terrible! I don't know what I would do. Try to just show that you are the better person in this, and rise above her childish behavior. One day people will see her for what she really is I promise!

[Maya28]

I think you should enjoy your day and not worry about your SIL!! Since planning my DTW I've learned that ppl will spend their money on whatever they want and although our wedding is important to us. It's not always what's important to everyone else (even our family members). I'm experiencing something similar to your situation but whoever doesn't want to spend their money that's their loss.

 

Word of advice: Kill her with kindness!! If she doesn't attend be sure to send her a post card letting her know how GREAT of a time your having and wish she were there (even though while your there she'll be the last person on your mind)

[kiki317]

Lucky-I've got the same kind of issues with my future SIL. (Well - i will have 2) One is fabulous- One is not. She and her husband aren't coming either- she's says she has no time off from work (she's a teacher so i know she gets a sh*% load of days) But whatever. I was upset about it at first, because it's mostly going to be my family at the DW. But my FI doesn't care- he says it's not about them it's about us and screw them if they don't want to come.

She even had an issue with the date i chose for the AHR because it's a week before her daughters birthday and she wanted to have a party for her! Give me a break! Now i'm supposed to contact her before i make a move on everything? F*&^ that!

 

Dont' worry- this is YOUR day and you're probably better off not having her and her negative energy there! Good luck!

[beachbride08]

Your story sounds identical to ours during our wedding planning process except we had this issue with my husband's brother. We also had a long engagement and let our immediate families know before we were officially engaged that we were going to have a DW. Everyone was on board and was so excited. Then when we picked our location and sent an email out with tentative prices they were still on board and they also had over a year to save up for the trip and our TA also gave people the option to make monthly payments. A week after the email went out BIL told my inlaws that he wasn't going and then another week later he started a fight with my DH about it (we also did not get a congratulations from him or his wife when we got engaged). He caused so much drama and said a lot of hurtful things that DH and BIL haven't spoken in 2 years! At first my DH was upset that his brother would not be at the wedding since they were very close and the way he was acting was completely out of character for him, but as things escalated he quickly realized he was not the same person he knew. He didn't come to the wedding and my DH didn't even notice he was not there. We had a great time with the people that came and have fantastic memories and his brother will always have that regret handing over him that he missed his brother's wedding. He still brings it up to my inlaws since they have pictures hanging up all over their house, but yet he continues to talk sh*t about us. This is your day and you need to plan the wedding that you want regardless of who is able to make it. If it is really important for your brother to have his sister there then maybe he could talk to her and see what her deal is, but if she continue to acts like this you are probably better off with her not there.

[Glamourina]

I feel your pain, I have a nightmare FSIL too! At first my FSIL was great about us getting married, and was coming to our DW without a doubt. However, then she got engaged and suddenly everything was about her. She decided to have her wedding date a week later than ours even though she's not working and could have her wedding date whenever she wanted! This is leaving my FI's family members caught in the middle, as they have to either come to our DW or stay home and attend my FSIL's wedding. We have to cut our honeymoon short, in order to attend my FSIL's wedding, even though she's not even bothering to come to ours (she was offered a paid flight and hotel stay from my FI to come, and still refused, because she will only come if we pay for her FI to come too.. Um he HAS A JOB!). Some people are just a$$holes even when they're family. I'm just happy I don't have to deal with her at my wedding...

[jk1101]

I totally understand how you feel. My sister informed me that she wouldn't be coming to our wedding either...and has been generally unsupportive of my engagement etc. My parents even offered to pay for her to come and she has said no to that because they only offered to pay for her and not her husband (that way he could stay home with the kids). Some people are just selfish and in your case, you will probably be better off not having FSIL there, as she will try to take attention off of you somehow. Keep things easy as possible and try not to take it personally - it's got nothing to do with you...it's all about her and her issues.

[vivrant_thing]

ugh that sucks! I hate when ppl say they're not going to go just because they're jealous... I'm not talking about the ones that really cannot afford it but the ones that purposely blame it on money so that everyone can feel sorry for them.

[BillysBride]

Yea. She's a bitch.

 

Here's the thing; if it were just the fact that she's saying she can't afford it, I "might" give her the bennie of the doubt and say it's up to her. BUT...from what you're describing, they aren't exactly hurting for money, and with her attitude from start to finish, it's obviously a snub.

 

All I can contribute is just....don't worry about her. Seriously. People like that, whether they end up related to you or not, simply aren't worth your effort or consideration. Yea, it's his sister. But that's it. You guys don't have to be BFF's and I haven't seen you say anything about his parents having a problem with you or not liking you...so let the whiney brat prima donna go sulk and be thankful she won't be there with her pouty ass face messin' up your pics. lol

 

Was that harsh? Actually, I'd really like it if I could talk to her...gimme her #? Please? No? Dangit.