Bridesmaid Issues, Please help!

[leogurl]

Sorry, but this will be long...

 

I really wanted my FI's twin sister to be a bridesmaid. We've been good friends for over 4 years, and she's the reason I met my FI in the first place. Plus, my FI is very close with her and very protective (they are a hispanic family, culturally hispanic families are very close). Besides my maid of honor, there is no one else I really want in my wedding. On New Year's Eve, she shared with me that she had just found out she's pregnant and did not share this news with her family. Reason being, her family has never met the father(nor have I), they would not like the father because he's black(they are pretty racist and think all black guys are "players"), and have basically been supporting her because of the financial mess she is in. Regardless of color, this guy has been a JERK to her in the past. She is naively, super happy about the pregnancy (I think she's crazy, but I am supportive since I know her family will not be, especially my FI), and she recently let her family members know (at about 10 weeks). My FI is so disappointed and angry he will not even talk to her. He told me that I really need to double check with her that she is still planning on being in the wedding. I thought, "of course she is, she agreed to be a bridesmaid after already knowing about the pregnancy". But, sometimes she does not think, and she is financially irresponsible, so I thought I better bring it up. I pointed out to her how much it will cost, how much it will be for a baby, how hard it will be to leave her baby home or take her baby to Mexico at 6 months old. And then she was like "good point, I didn't even think about that". And I was just thinking OMG, who doesn't think about that, I mean really! So she said she needed to converse with baby's daddy, and basically he said "no", and she was just fine with that. So now she's not even going to the wedding. Of course my FI and their older brother were p.o.'ed, as are her parents.

 

So here's the BM part I need help with. My FI has a total of 4 groomsmen. I already had problems thinking of 3 when his sis was in the wedding. I currently have 2 people I've asked to be in the wedding (my BFF and my FI's brother's fiance). I have one more friend I am definitely going to ask, and I know she'll say yes. But the issue for me is, do I just find someone else because FI's sister bailed; do I just have 3 while he has 4; do I tell FI's sister how I feel and ask her to reconsider even though she already knows how disappointed I am; or any other suggestions. If I ask a 4th person, I am planning on asking my FI's cousin even though we aren't real close. She's around my age, she's really cool, and she lives in the town with the rest of my FI's family where we will have our huge Mexican cultural AHR. She would be a great help. The only problem is we're not close. I am an only child, am not close with my family besides my mom, and I moved to Oregon 4+ years ago and do not have any really good female friends outside of my FI's sister and the girls I've already asked. Any suggestions? Thanks so much.

[jenniebey]

Sorry to hear about your family drama. Hopefully your future SIL will get everything figured out.

 

Have you considered just sticking with your two BMs and leaving it at that? You don't have to match up the each GM to a BM especially when doing a DW.

 

I'm only having 2 BMs and FI is having 5 GM. I just wanted my two best friends from college and he wanted more. I told him go ahead.

 

Just don't feel like you have to ask people you are not close to. Your BMs are supposed to be there to support during the engagement and then after you're married as well.

 

Good luck!

[Bianca]

I really don't think you have to have an even bridal party. At the moment I only have a MOH and jr bm. FI has no one.

[tylersgirl]

I agree with Bianca. You don't have to have an even bridal party. I wouldn't push the FI's sister thing b/c she will have the baby to take care of, etc. =)

[TATrisha]

Honestly, I would go with the 3/4 combo. It's okay to not have the same amount of bridesmaids and groomsmen.

if you are concerned about walking down the aisle, maybe the best man and the groom walk down together and then the other three escort the ladies? or one of the guys escorts the mothers down the aisle?

[Geralyn]

i think you don't have to have an even number...it's really up to you

[binzer]

I guess the main problem is how to cancel having a bridal party without coming off as obviously angry with them. I realize that you ARE angry with them, but you're not going to want them at your wedding feeling bitter b/c it will just create a lot of drama.

 

If you have had someone mention dropping out you could maybe use that as an excuse to have a meeting with them, and just say something like "it doesn't seem like everyone is interested in being in the bridal party, so I'm considering just canceling it altogether and making it easier on everyone...what do you think?" Even if they DO really want to be BMs still, it'll at least get some communication going and maybe they'll start doing a better job if you decide to keep them.

 

Anyways, good luck! I've been blessed with awesome BMS, but I've had some other wedding drama (MiL troubles etc) and I can empathize with how miserable it makes planning what's supposed to be a happy event

[binzer]

I guess the main problem is how to cancel having a bridal party without coming off as obviously angry with them. I realize that you ARE angry with them, but you're not going to want them at your wedding feeling bitter b/c it will just create a lot of drama.

 

If you have had someone mention dropping out you could maybe use that as an excuse to have a meeting with them, and just say something like "it doesn't seem like everyone is interested in being in the bridal party, so I'm considering just canceling it altogether and making it easier on everyone...what do you think?" Even if they DO really want to be BMs still, it'll at least get some communication going and maybe they'll start doing a better job if you decide to keep them.

 

Anyways, good luck! I've been blessed with awesome BMS, but I've had some other wedding drama (MiL troubles etc) and I can empathize with how miserable it makes planning what's supposed to be a happy event

[Jacilynda]

I say you should just leave it uneven. If you really want FSIL then I would wait and talk to her about it after baby. Some women can easily leave their baby and some just can't. I have a hard time leaving mine so FI and I can just have dinner once a month and she's 10 months old! She really has alot going on, and you're emotions are everywhere, etc. Plus w/ he JERK of a man and family drama no offense but thinking about your wedding probably isn't a priority. Definitely don't just ask someone so you have another one. BM's should be the girls (or guys in some cases) who you are closest w/ and have to be a part of your big day.

[cantwait2718]

I agree with the girls that have said that u should just leave it uneven. I don't think that u should ask someone just to ask them. Not to mention that asking someone your not close to to spend all the money to be a bridesmaid may not go over well.