STD/Invitation Etiquette

nikkigard · January 31, 2009

We are wanting a small wedding of 20-25 people, basically immediate family. However... there are a lot of other people we would like to tell. So what do we do? Send STD/Invitation to everyone and hope it stays small? We also dont want some of the people to feel like they need to make the trip as we know its expensive for them. Is there a notification you send as an "fyi" that you are getting married in Mexico without really inviting them? This sounds bad I know but not sure what to do other than calling them all individually to let them know about the engagement/wedding...

Jennifer Davis · January 31, 2009

You can just send an announcement of some sort.

InspiredBride · January 31, 2009

I am struggling with this same issue and still don't have a good solution. We want to keep things small (immediate family and local friends), but now some extended family are upset that they aren't being included, and also that they didn't get a formal announcement (my mom sent a mass email). However, some think it is rude to send a formal announcement (my aunt said it would be like "rubbing it in" that they aren't invited...she also said this would imply that we want a gift).

I don't want people to feel obligated to make the trip OR to send a gift, so I'm really wondering if I should just call people individually instead of sending something formal.

I think this is the most stressful part of planning so far!

jmiranda · January 31, 2009

This is very hard. We wanted a small wedding too with just the immediate family and close friends but that is not happening. We sent Save the Dates to our whole family and from the responses everyone is planning on going. We are very thankful that everyone has decided to go because its a blessing that they would like to join us for our wedding.

I would say to do what makes you happy. Its your wedding...if you want a small wedding have a small wedding. Let people know that you are getting married in Mexico, having a small celebration with your immediate family and when you guys get back that you will celebrate with the rest of the family.

I have no regrets at all about the majority of the people we invited going because its family. I know thats its more money for us to spend but Im happy that they want to join us.

MaryS · January 31, 2009

I was having the same problem. FI and I have huge families but didn't want to exclude people. So what we decided to do was... when we sent out our Save the dates we included an insert that said "For those of you that will not be able to make it to Mexico we will have a reception in Seattle at a later date" hoping this would detract people from going to mexico. Haha lets see if it will work.