We need some help (sort of long)

~*Lisa*~ · January 28, 2009

Hi all!

I'm not too sure if this is where I'm supposed to post this, but it does have to do with invitations. We have 2 problems and I'm hoping to get some help/ideas/info, whatever you gals can provide.

Problem 1

I'm confused with the whole invitation thing. We are getting married in Jamaica but having a small wedding and not inviting everyone. We will be having a AHR a couple of months when we get back. This is where I'm confused. Do we send invites to Jamaica and to the AHR at the same time? If we don't, and people hear that we aren't inviting them to Jamaica, won't that cause problems? I'm just not too sure how to go about doing this. Any ideas??

Problem 2

FI's dad was abusive both physically and mentally to his wife and 3 children. The FI went and told his dad (whom he sees 2 times a year) that we were getting married in Jamaica. FI's mom has told us that she does not want him there (we're helping her come with us) and frankly, I don't want him there, I don't like this man. How the heck are we supposed to "uninvite" him to Jamaica? FI doesn't really think he'll come anyway, but he could if we put the invite out there.

Has anybody else run into similar problems?? Any advice would be greatly appreciated as I'm not too sure how to deal with this because my family all gets along great.

Thanks ladies, you're always there to help!!!!

soon2bePowers · January 28, 2009

We did not send out official invites for our DW. We sent out STD's to a small group of people. We made sure that everyone knew that we planned on having a small ceremony in Mexico and then a celebration back home. We are sending out more formal invitations for the celebration at home.

We didn't run into any problems. People who weren't invited to Mexico were just reassured that it was a small gathering and that we would be celebrating with them back home.

As for the second problem, if you don't think he will come then I would invite him. If you think he may surprise you and come then I would have FI have a serious talk with him. You probably don't want to have hurt feelings regarding your wedding BUT you can't have the stress of this issue hanging over you throughout this process!

Good luck.

~*Lisa*~ · January 28, 2009

Thanks for the tips. I didn't really think of the whole STD thing for our destination wedding. It's a good idea! Did you use magnets or something else??

2bebridejamaica · January 28, 2009

I didn't use any real formal invite for our DW either. We knew we only wanted a small group of people and we told the ones we wanted in person and then emailed them all the info about our TA and such. For me this way made sense because then well, I didn't have a real piece of paper for the ones in question. As for our AHR which was 2 months after our wedding... I had my gf who couldn't make it Jamaica drop off the formal invites in the mail while we were in Jamaica. We just recently had our AHR and 100 people came... our invites had the wording of .. " we are getting ready to depart and this is only the start... Amanda and Jay will be married on Nov 8 in Negril... please join us when we return for a celebration reception in Jan".. you get the drift... this way anyone in question that seemed left out because they did not go to Jamaica or were not asked... makes it seem like we just had family which we did and wanted to keep it small.

As for 2 ... I can totally relate ... this actually was my mother in all senses you are saying about your FI's dad... and I have not talked with her in years... but she did find out about our plans through someone else and said she was coming ... This never happened even though she had told people she was coming. Thank god ... but I think it's more of a cover for some ... to make it look like the are coming and not show... almost a pride issue because it is a son/daughter thing and they know they are being left out. It added stress for me... but in the end I had my day and no signs of my mother.