Feeling Guilty

[fieldofflowers]

I don't think my mother is going to be able to come to our wedding and I feel really bad. I knew starting out with these plans that she may not be able to but now I feel really guilty. I'm trying not to as it's what we want for our day but I still do Sometimes I think I should just plan something at home even though it isn't what either of us want. Has anybody else found themselves in this situation?

[Betsy]

That is sad and hard to deal with! Is it for sure that she can't come? It is a hard decision to make - I feel for you - I hope you can work something out.

[merocket59]

I'm sorry, that is hard! I don't think you should change your plans but maybe you can see if you can set up a webcast so you can both see each other, she can see the wedding and you can see her, like with skype? My cousin is going to college in Canada and she skypes with her family and says it is easy... HTH

[YoursTruly]

Sorry to hear of this? What is the reason why she can't attend?

[TATrisha]

That is really sad. What is the reasoning? Is it monetary reasons? You are getting married in 14 months. How much is a trip for one person? Say it's $1400 for two or three nights. That's $100 a month. Could you save that much a perhaps pay for her way? Or what about $50 a month and meet her in the middle?

[fieldofflowers]

It is mostly monetary reasons. The thing is I'm not really close with my mom but I do feel bad that she is going to feel left out and miss my wedding day. I think I will talk to her about the meeting halfway with saving and see what she thinks of that idea.

[Barbo]

We have this with one of my FI aunts. She is recently divorced and is buying out the house from her ex. We are so concerned that she may not be able to come that we want to help her out somehow. Meeting her halfway might be a good idea for us too.

[stacey]

Im sorry that you are going through this. And while I do not know the exact situation that your mother is in financially, she has over a year to plan to come to your wedding. Personally I think that is a long time to save. But once again that is just my opinion and I dont know her situation.

[nibsmom]

I went through this with my mother too. She said she couldn't afford it, and she's too dang stubborn to take money from us. We argued about it for a few days, then she said she wasn't coming. I was really upset, but I figured that if I had the wedding in Wisconsin (she lives in MA) we'd be in the same boat.

 

After a few weeks, she changed her mind and said she'd really try to save the money to come. I think I'm going to use my TA on the down low though to try to help her...sneaky sneaky!

 

It was really hard for me because when this all transpired our wedding was 8 months away, and while I understood it might be hard to save in that timeframe, I also was a little bratty and thought she should be trying harder. My mom isn't very good at saving...

 

But it seems like it will all work out. Maybe your mom will change her mind like mine did, after she realizes you're not going to change yours. Just remember it really is YOUR wedding, and you should do what you want to do. There are other ways to include her if she decides to stay home.

[TAHOEJENI]

Sorry to hear - I'm in the same boat. My mom and I are not close at all. We might talk three times a year. I beleive there's some mental illness that's never been diagnosed. (no friends, recluse, no bathing/cleaning) etc. I felt it would be nice to treat her to the wedding as she doesn't really have an income to speak of.

 

My FI now feels obligated to pay his parents way even though they own their own retail business and can afford the trip. It's not the money in this case for them, it's that his mother would be perfectly happy never leaving the house. She's a real home body and we've been told by FI dad, that she won't have any fun even though his dad has always wanted to go to Tahoe....

 

Parents - what to do? :-)

 

Jeni