Venting/stressing...

[KJT1985]

My fiance and I are planning our wedding for February 23, 2010. We want a destination wedding. My parents don't like him much and have thrown subtle hints that they aren't happy about having to travel for the wedding - but they aren't paying for the wedding so I don't feel too bad about it. We've been engaged since October and have been checking into things for a couple months now. We're in the process of picking a resort but last week my dad found out that he's being sued by an old employer for breach of contract (long story and I doubt my dad would lose the case).

 

This morning my mom emails me to tell me that she doesn't think they would make it to the wedding because they'll probably be tied up in court. Now, I personally think she's overreacting. She seems to think that this guy will be able to make them shut their business down until things get settled in court. All of this guys previous lawsuits have drug on for years.

 

So...what do I do now?! Do I go ahead and plan the destination wedding, hoping things will get figured out so they can come while risking that they might not be there? Or do I forget what we really want, plan a wedding here that will cost US much more money with the chance that this case won't even make it to court? I'm only stressing out because it's almost a year away and we need to start reserving things - wherever it is. I know a lot of people wouldn't give a second thought to this - they would do what they had to make sure their parents were there. But my parents have been far less than supportive and aren't the ones paying for the wedding. I'm so torn. This is supposed to be a great day and now i'm stressing over it. I don't know that I could be fully happy if they weren't there or we had to sacrifice our wedding dream to make sure they were. I think i'd be especially bitter if they were just using this as an excuse, get us to do it here, and then it never even goes to court. I'm thinking we should go to vegas today for the holiday weekend. Haha.

 

What would YOU do?

[1elephant]

i think you need to decide what's more important - having your parents there or having a dw - if you choose to stay home you can't be mad at your parents because it was your decision.

[jennierin]

I agree 100% with Lauren. You have to choose between having your parents at your wedding or having a wedding away (possibly without them).

 

My FI and I knew from the beginning of our relationship that if we were to be married that it would be a DW (we first met in the Carribean). That meant that we would be excluding some family members, possibly even our parents. It all worked out in the end, my parents and his mother are more than happy to attend. However, my FI's father will not be attending as he has prior commitments.

 

The most important thing to think about is how much it would bother you if your parents were unable to be there.

[YoursTruly]

time waits for no one..but also life is short so weigh what is most important to you. when you reflect back on your wedding day, will you regret not having your parents there or not? I am also sure if things get tied up in court your parents could look into a stay of some sort of delay if you know your date exactly---but that is something you guys will need to talkover and work out.

[all4jj2]

I ran into some problems with my mom about my wedding being a dw. Begrudginly, I asked my fiance if it would be ok to look into having the wedding locally. We visited reception sites, hotels, restaurants, etc. We had no emotions, no happy feelings, just doing it to make our parents happy. As is turns out, all of the wedding planners at those places told us the same thing, "We would love to have your business, but in the end, be true to yourself as a couple and follow your heart." You two will be pledging your lives to one another and nobody else on that special day. In the end, that's all that counts. I hope that this helps out!

[KJT1985]

When we decided to do a destination wedding we KNEW a lot of people wouldn't be able to go - and we were fine with that. I was fine with it when my mom even told me that my brother probably couldn't go because of school and her and my dad would be my only family members to attend (including extended family). I'm just upset because I feel like I'm in a lose-lose situation. We can have the wedding we've been dreaming of and probably not have my parents there - or we can have the wedding we don't want (and would have to pay more for) so they can attend. Grr this isn't how you're wedding is supposed to be!!

[Dianna]

I agree, plan for your happiness, it's you day and you love each other.

[Hartyt509]

Stick with your original plan. You can always ask the Court for a stay but i think thats just a convenient excuse IMHO. It might not get that far as the Court may throw out the case.

 

If you really want a DW have it, there is no point in being miserable and lets face it you would probably resent them for it as would FI. If their relationship is dodgy to start with that will not help. I'm selfish and would say oh thats a shame and book what i wanted. You only get one shot (sometimes!) so do whats in your heart

[sunsetbride1]

I can see how you would feel torn.. I am agreeing with the majority of the responses so far.

 

This is your wedding and if the parents really want to be there; they will find a way to be there. I am sure the courts would understand if they tell them right from the 'get - go' that their daughter is getting married on these dates.

 

I would have the wedding of my dreams with my FI and I (super romantic, just the two of you if that's what it comes down to); video tape it, take lots of pics and show the parents later. They are also the ones making the decision not to be there.

 

When its all said and done, its your decision. You want to be able to look back on your wedding day and be happy with it. In the end, your parents are suppsoed to love you and support you no matter what; if they aren't, then that's thier problem.

 

I don't mean to sound harsh - but so many of us go through the drama of ppl trying to make us feel bad for having a DW. It's our weddings and if you love us, support us.

[KJT1985]

Thank you so much for all the kind words! We've decided to go ahead with planning our destination wedding and will hope for the best!!