Jamaica wedding blues

[purrfected]

I can definately relate to this thread. I don't care if you don't come, but please do not make suggestions as to the destination that you wish I had chosen. Like I am going to say, "Oh, Ok let's have it on the island that you chose." What are people thinking?

 

How about the response cards that say "plus 3" guests? WTF? I invited you, not your friends? I haven't even bothered to call to ask who they are. I am having my placecards done (by Becks from BDW) and I had her make some blank ones. Whoever the extra uninvited guests are, they can write in their names!! I guess I have a bad attitude, but this is not just a vacation, it is my wedding! The invitation said Mr. and Mrs. So and so, not Mr. and Mrs. So and So and guests?? I also got a response card that said Mr. and Mrs. So and So plus 2 children. Huh? Mind you I was asked to send this person an invitation because she is related to one of my friends. My friends either do not have children or will not be bringing them. I am not having a child friendly wedding. I just can't figure out a way to say Adult Only Reception after the fact. Since our numbers are small and at the time the invitations were printed not one of my guests who have children had planned to bring them, I did not put adult only. I think it is too late to add, but nevertheless I am irritated. Thanks for letting me vent!!

[hockeymom97]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jen2113 I am going through the same thing and my Father in Law keeps inviting his friends when he's NOT paying for the wedding- I AM! I just keep saying, only 20 people are going and they're not invited. What is so difficult to understand about SMALL DESTINATION WEDDING w parents, siblings and OUR best friends? Seems self expainatory to me but I feel better hearing the same gripes from other people... I was starting to wonder if there was something wrong w me!

I have the same situation!!! Our DW started out as small and intimate. My intention was to have our parents, siblings and maybe a couple of close friends - we're talking a dozen people tops. Well as soon as FI and I figured out our date and resort, his mom starts telling people about the weeding and verbally inviting them!!! 1) I was pissed off, because I wanted it to be OUR announcement. I wanted people to receive our STD's and be surprised and excited. I didn't want them expecting them because they had already heard about it through the grapevine!! 2) Almost all the people she verbally invited were NOT on our original guestlist, but I felt like if I didn't invite them, then I'll look like the bitch. 3) Because she had invited aunts/uncles/cousins on their side of the family, I felt obligated to invite aunts/uncles/cousins on my side of the family. And I have a BIG family. Right now we've got over 90people invited.

WHAT HAPPENED TO MY SMALL WEDDING?!?!

Yes, I know I could've just not invited those people, but then I would look like I was snubbing them and I didn't feel like being the bad guy and causing more drama. Realistically I know most of them propbably won't make it, but even if some do, those really aren't people I wanted there. That's why we were doing a big AHR - that was my compromise. And now I have to spend my vacation with them?? So all I can say is if we end up with some huge guest list, FMIL better be ready to kick in for some of the additional cost since she's the one who wanted to invite everyone and their cousin. ok, I'm done venting for now - thank you for listening

[Vikki]

Quote:

Originally Posted by hockeymom97 I have the same situation!!! Our DW started out as small and intimate. My intention was to have our parents, siblings and maybe a couple of close friends - we're talking a dozen people tops. Well as soon as FI and I figured out our date and resort, his mom starts telling people about the weeding and verbally inviting them!!! 1) I was pissed off, because I wanted it to be OUR announcement. I wanted people to receive our STD's and be surprised and excited. I didn't want them expecting them because they had already heard about it through the grapevine!! 2) Almost all the people she verbally invited were NOT on our original guestlist, but I felt like if I didn't invite them, then I'll look like the bitch. 3) Because she had invited aunts/uncles/cousins on their side of the family, I felt obligated to invite aunts/uncles/cousins on my side of the family. And I have a BIG family. Right now we've got over 90people invited. WHAT HAPPENED TO MY SMALL WEDDING?!?! Yes, I know I could've just not invited those people, but then I would look like I was snubbing them and I didn't feel like being the bad guy and causing more drama. Realistically I know most of them propbably won't make it, but even if some do, those really aren't people I wanted there. That's why we were doing a big AHR - that was my compromise. And now I have to spend my vacation with them?? So all I can say is if we end up with some huge guest list, FMIL better be ready to kick in for some of the additional cost since she's the one who wanted to invite everyone and their cousin. ok, I'm done venting for now - thank you for listening

I think you need to put your foot down. Scale it back to just immediate family. (Sneak a couple friend invites in there too) but you don't need cousin Johnny and his brood of 5 showing up on your big day. I bet you many of those people will completely understand and possibly even expect your DW to be a smaller event with an AHR instead and won't feel slighted or like you're being a bitch. And have a heart to heart with your FMIL, maybe if you explain to her how important a small, intimate ceremony is to your and your FI she'll back off and you won't look bad. Or if you think that might come across wrong you and FI could sit down with her and have the conversation.

Good luck!

[hockeymom97]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vikki And have a heart to heart with your FMIL, maybe if you explain to her how important a small, intimate ceremony is to your and your FI she'll back off and you won't look bad. Or if you think that might come across wrong you and FI could sit down with her and have the conversation.

I really have tried to do this already - unfortunately with no success. FI and I were engaged for over a year before we actually finalized our date and picked a resort, but for over a year we talked about this again, and again, and again, with FMIL as well as other family members and everyone was aware of what we were planning on doing. Not everyone agreed with it (meaning FMIL) but they understood what we wanted. So once the guest list started growing, I tried to talk to FI about it, but apparently he still needs to grow a pair, because he refuses to get in the middle of this and stand up to his mom. He just tells me "I'll let you and my mom work that out". mama's boy!

I try not to think about it too much and get stressed - like I said before I really don't think most of these people will come. It's more just the principle of the whole issue that bothers me. I'm just glad I found this forum so I can vent when I need to

[Laurasanangel]

I've had the same problem. I have two older brothers who are both married with small children. When I got engaged both famillies kept telling me excited they were and that I should definitely do the destination wedding. I've told everyone since day one what the price would be around. They said that yes they were coming. I chose a kid friendly restort for my neices and nephews and I even changed the date so that my sister-in-law who is currently pregnant can come. I now get told that no neither family can come because it's too expensive and they've asked me to cancel my wedding and have it in Ottawa so that they can be there. Obviously I said no because the deposit has already been paid plus I don't think that was very fair of them. As it stands right now the only family I'll have at my wedding are my parents and let me tell you I am not happy about how both my brothers are acting. They've had almost a full year to save and they haven't. I feel like I'm just not a priority to them. Am I being to hard on them or does anyone else agree with me that this is a rotten thing to do to me for my wedding.

[hockeymom97]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Laurasanangel I've had the same problem. I have two older brothers who are both married with small children. When I got engaged both famillies kept telling me excited they were and that I should definitely do the destination wedding. I've told everyone since day one what the price would be around. They said that yes they were coming. I chose a kid friendly restort for my neices and nephews and I even changed the date so that my sister-in-law who is currently pregnant can come. I now get told that no neither family can come because it's too expensive and they've asked me to cancel my wedding and have it in Ottawa so that they can be there. Obviously I said no because the deposit has already been paid plus I don't think that was very fair of them. As it stands right now the only family I'll have at my wedding are my parents and let me tell you I am not happy about how both my brothers are acting. They've had almost a full year to save and they haven't. I feel like I'm just not a priority to them. Am I being to hard on them or does anyone else agree with me that this is a rotten thing to do to me for my wedding.

I think it's so unfair when I hear about families and friends being SO supportive in the beginning and then once reality sets in for them, they up and change their mind. It's so unfair, and yes, I do think this is a rotten thing to do especially since you were upfront with them about the cost from the start. And who do people think they are asking someone to cancel their wedding and change the location because it's more convenient for them?!?!

Unfortunately I think that while planning a DW should be fun and less stressful; it seems to bring out the true colors of some people and cause a lot of strain on relationships.

Hopefully there is still enough time for them to change their minds and join you for your DW; but if not it's their loss for missing out on such an important day for you.

[jh17]

Thank you all for posting this thread. I am going through this as well with my bridesmaids and feel better knowing that I am not alone! I had originally asked my 3 best friends to stand with me (understanding that one of them has never travelled so I didn't expect that to change with her so she probably wouldn't be coming and one would come no matter what). The last one kept saying how much she wanted to go but she expected her unversity grad to be the day after the wedding and after she slaved for her masters degree she didn't want to miss the grad-which I can totally understand. She said if it wasn't for that she would go for sure becuase money wasn't an issue (her words exactly). So for months I checked her university website and when the calendar was finally posted I called her very excited b/c the grad was actually the week after. I thought she would come for sure because of what she had told me about the grad being the only issue. She then says that she doesn't know if she can afford it but if the trip gets under $1500 then she will go. The trip dropped to $1300 and then she said she doesn't know how to get time off work (she is entering the school system and doesn't know how time off works). She hasn't made any effort to ask or find out how to take the time off and the wedding is less than 2 months away.

 

I am so frustrated about the whole situation-not because she isn't coming but beacuse of the line of excuses. She just got engaged a month ago and asked me to stand in her wedding which I immediately said yes to (we live in differenct provinces so all said and done it will cost me the same if not more to travel for her wedding as it would have cost her to come to Jamaica). I guess you find out those who would really do anything for you and those who want to know how it will affect them first.

anyways, thank you for allowing me to vent!!

[michelle6114]

I am also going through this. Although I understand now what a financial burden it is for others when we pick destination weddings. I thought anyone who cared enough, would come but thats not always the case. We are essentially asking people to give up their vacation time, savings, purchase passports, buy plane tix, all to watch us get married. So if they decide not to we really can't be too upset.

On the other hand, it is quite hillarious to watch FSIL blow through 3 vacations in the past year, take her toddlers to fine dining in NYC, then claim she can't come to Jamaica because she can't afford it. That is pure entertainmanet for years to come lol.

Sometimes you gotta laugh. You and your future husband will be there. That's all that matters!

[LeNell]

Im going through the same think....only 12 people booked but 50 people say they are come. i guess they still have time. my wedding is May 2010

[blumenthale]

I think you willl be happy that you have smaller amount of guests. You will actually have time to spend with them and it will be a more personal experience. Many of my friends with large weddings barely remeber it because they had to spend the whole thing trying to hello to each guest. One friend even asked how the food was because she never even had a chance to taste it. Take advantage and get really good pics with the ones who come, then rub it in those who flaked faces. Once they see those pics they will wish they went!