Important Family Members Not Invited

[sarafish81]

My dad is also not invited. We have been estranged for close to 10 years and I didn't see the point in inviting him on the sole basis that he is my dad and therefore I should. There are a lot of raised eyebrows and questions about that, even from people who know the "whole story". At the end of the day, I only want the people who really love me and are happy for me to share in my special day!

[Jenn79]

I didn't invite two cousins who I grew up with...not because of any current drama, but to avoid drama up to/including/and following the wedding. The cousins are sisters, and where one would have come whether she could afford it or not, the other would not have been able to afford it (both moneywise and the taking time off work). I know I caused some bad blood in the end, but I really didn't want this to turn into a family vacation for everyone but the one cousin.

 

I also didn't invite my grandfather. He's extremely opinionated, rude, and racist, not exactly the personality you want around on your wedding day.

[~*Lisa*~]

Good to hear that we're not the only ones not inviting someone. We're not inviting FI's father because FI's mother is coming with us (we're helping her come). His father was abusive both mentally and physically to his wife and children. I don't want that kind of tension on my wedding day. I want everyone to enjoy themselves and not worry about anything.

[nibsmom]

I ended up inviting my father, but I didn't want to. I know he won't come though, so I'm not too worried about it. Even if he did come on some off chance, he would not be walking me down the aisle or having a father/daughter dance or any of that crap.

 

We worried for a while that things would be lopsided with a mother/son dance and no father/daughter dance, but who cares? And I'll walk my dang self down the aisle, my dad hasn't been around since I was 12. He's a total alcoholic d-bag.

 

If he sends money though, I might decide to take it, especially since technically he owes me about 20 thousand in back child support. Usually when he sends me anything, I just give it to my sister, who has a better relationship with him. We'll see though!

[Prettyhazardous]

OMG I guess I'm not as strong as you all. If I would have read this thread like a week ago I may not have invited my father... as he has lived about 2 mins away from me all my life yet never chooses to see me. Yet he raised his son and daughter and get this his stepson... But in Pre MArital Counseling I learned that I needed to get rid of that baggage and not take it into my marriage. So I sent him his mom and two of his 7 siblings invites. I have a great relationship with his sisters but not him or his mother. I was raised by my grandparents so clearly my gdad is walking me down the aisle.

 

On the other hand my FMIL (who I've never met) is not yet invited although I'd like for my FI to invite her. She was physically, emotionally and mentally abusive to my FI while he was growing up so ab 6 months into us dating he stopped seeing her, he changed his pfone number bought a house and hasnt looked back. He has no contact with any of his family because none of them know ab his mother's abusive behavior. So in order for her to save face in front of the family he has no contact with any of them. Clearly our counselor told him to contact his mother for the wedding but he hasn't done it yet and I'm not gonna push him.

We have soo much dram... I'm worried ab the poor kids we'll bring into this world.. Nah they'll be great because we both came from not having the best parents and knowing what that feels like (and I'm a social woeker for heavens sake, I teach ppl how to parent haha).

[Prettyhazardous]

OMG I guess I'm not as strong as you all. If I would have read this thread like a week ago I may not have invited my father... as he has lived about 2 mins away from me all my life yet never chooses to see me. Yet he raised his son and daughter and get this his stepson... But in Pre MArital Counseling I learned that I needed to get rid of that baggage and not take it into my marriage. So I sent him his mom and two of his 7 siblings invites. I have a great relationship with his sisters but not him or his mother. I was raised by my grandparents so clearly my gdad is walking me down the aisle.

 

On the other hand my FMIL (who I've never met) is not yet invited although I'd like for my FI to invite her. She was physically, emotionally and mentally abusive to my FI while he was growing up so ab 6 months into us dating he stopped seeing her, he changed his pfone number bought a house and hasnt looked back. He has no contact with any of his family because none of them know ab his mother's abusive behavior. So in order for her to save face in front of the family he has no contact with any of them. Clearly our counselor told him to contact his mother for the wedding but he hasn't done it yet and I'm not gonna push him.

We have soo much dram... I'm worried ab the poor kids we'll bring into this world.. Nah they'll be great because we both came from not having the best parents and knowing what that feels like (and I'm a social woeker for heavens sake, I teach ppl how to parent haha).

[SoonToBeE]

What's a wedding without drama. It's so hard...

 

I just got a call from my mom last weekend "congratulating" me on our wedding, I had emailed her but I guess she never got it. We don't speak and she's not welcome in my life. It's so hard to close off family during such a family oriented event....but I know it's the best choice.

 

It's just hard.....stupid drama!!

 

I just worry about questions on the day - where is your mother? your brother? I just don't want to get into it. I think I'm more worried about that then I am about the whole wedding....

[~*Lisa*~]

Quote:

Originally Posted by SoonToBeE What's a wedding without drama. It's so hard... I just got a call from my mom last weekend "congratulating" me on our wedding, I had emailed her but I guess she never got it. We don't speak and she's not welcome in my life. It's so hard to close off family during such a family oriented event....but I know it's the best choice. It's just hard.....stupid drama!! I just worry about questions on the day - where is your mother? your brother? I just don't want to get into it. I think I'm more worried about that then I am about the whole wedding....

Try not to worry about that too much. It'll be mostly your family I'm sure and they know what the situation is (I'm assuming). If they knew what was good for them, no one would say anything! lol

[KarenM]

Hi girls. I'm not in exactly the same situation as you all (we're just excluding aunts & uncles - except for my dad's twin bro, which may cause some minor drama), but I just wanted to reinforce that you're doing what you feel is right for you & deserve to have the love & support of those who can give it. Surrounding yourself with only people who truly care about you is never something you should have to apologize for or second guess.

As far as questions on the day, you could just plan a "stock answer" to give people or just wait & see if any questions are asked & say what you feel at the time.

Good luck ladies!

[katrina]

we got married without inviting my father. i see nothing wrong with it, as long as you are willing to buck up and deal with any possible backlash.