Annoyed with Negativity

[SoonToBeE]

Okay...I'm sure everyone has been here, and I am sure there is another post out there on this....but I'm too annoyed to look.

 

Since we announced that we were having a destination wedding we have had many different responses from 'that's amazing' to ' I can't believe you are doing this to spite us'.

 

It's annoying because we are so relaxed about the wedding but so many other people are stressed about it. Some fun tidbits:

 

The day my dad got his invitation he has is wife (my step mom) call me to tell me they couldn't come. This after I spoke to him on several occasions regarding the date, price, timing etc. I even called him the night before to confirm that everything was good for him and he assured me that he wouldn't miss it for the world. After many tearful phone calls and pleading emails he's coming.....but now I don't want him to walk me down the aisle.

 

We have been accosted by several family members have told us that they don't understand or like that we are having a DW.

 

Other members of the family are openly gossiping about how rude we are to 'expect' (their words) people to spend all this money to come to our wedding.

 

A friend repeatedly expressed his outrage that we scheduled the ceremony mid week so it made it harder for them to come. We moved the date to a Thursday so they could make it a long weekend trip. They RSVP'd no.

 

So....I guess no wedding is complete without negativity and being let down by family. We have had so MANY wonderful responses, but the negative ones add up so much because people are soooooo passionate about being negative towards the DW.

 

Anyone else experience any crazy anger associated with their DW planning. I feel like I am in crazy town when people act like this. This is not normal!!

 

phew.....breathe.....

 

okay, now I feel better.

[ylopez87]

I understand exactly what you are going through! My family has been the same way. We have even been asked to change the date to a later one or to have a traditional wedding. People can be harsh but I learned to just say "F" it! I can't please everyone and as long as my fiance and I are happy thats all that matters. Everything will be ok so don't stress yourself out over negativity it will always be there!

[BC Bride2be]

I think it comes with the DW territory (unfortunately). You need to say the hell with all the naysayers (hard I know). People can make a choice, dont come if you don't want to be there; besides at the end of the day you only want those that really truly want to come be there.

Are you sure about your dad not walking you down the aisle.. its not something you can ever take back so be really really sure. I would hate for you to regret it down the road.

 

And remember its all about you, your FI and your happiness.

[tylersgirl]

I am so sorry this has happened to you! Don't worry about what anyone else says...this is YOUR wedding. There are so many BDW brides that are in the same boat as you. They will get over it....maybe they will realize how ridiculous they are. As for your dad, I am with Tracy on it. Are you sure you don't want him to walk you down the aisle? Maybe give it some time and rethink it =) Good luck! You will have a wonderful wedding despite the negative remarks.

[luvtoteachlaw]

It is amazing to me how many people feel "entitled" to see you get married! As if you owe it to them or something. And the guilt trips can be tremendous. I have experienced this with both sides of family, although my immediate family is very very excited to go. Their excitement helps me disregard all those people who bitch and moan about us expecting them to use their vacation time to come to our wedding. Well, if we are important to them, they will come. If not, that is their choice. I think it comes down to priorities.

 

I am a lucky one to have my mom and dad totally on my side, which kinda shocked me because they are very traditional. So I cannot understand how much it must hurt to have a father who has to be prodded into seeing his daughter get married. I know that if that were the case with me, I would be devestated. And I know that he would regret it later.

 

Eventually, I think you just tune people out who aren't going and start worrying about those who will go (in my case my FM (monster) IL). People who chose not to go will likely have some level of regret when they hear about what a kick ass wedding you will have. It was their choice not to come and they will have to live with it.

[Jacilynda]

I have to agree w/ the other girls about rethinking about having your dad walk you down the aisle. You may regret it later on. My father passed away almost 10 years ago, and I would give anything to have him walk me down the aisle.

 

I also agree w/ just letting the naysayers go. We made it very clear to our guests that we didn't expect them to come. If they did great! We're blessed that they can share that day w/ us. If they can't come we're having a reception at home so everyone can still be a part of wedding celebration!

[Emily&Matt]

I think you have to realize that lots of people think of a wedding as a family reunion where they'll see other family members they wouldn't get together with any other way. So they feel "entitled" to come to the "family reunion" at what they consider a reasonable cost; meaning maybe they'll miss a day or two for traveling and not have to spend much for a gift.

 

Like everyone here will say, it's YOUR wedding so you choose what's going to happen and where it will be held. But....it's THEIR choice to spend THEIR money to come or not. It is just REALLY eye-opening the responses you will get. You have to not get your heart set on certain people because they are likely to really disappoint you.

 

And on the money issue, people have their own idea of the value of the stuff they want to spend their money on and for most people it's on THEMSELVES. Just a fact of life. You see this now that you are trying to tell people to spend their money on a day to make YOU happy. Yeah, maybe they should WANT to be there, and be happy to spend their money, but like I said, it's very eye-opening.

 

I can see that there's hardly any chance of going through with planning a wedding, much less a destination wedding, without being hurt or disappointed by someone. You have to just do what you have in your heart to do and try to have the best day possible, regardless of who is there.

 

I think it helps to focus on who IS coming instead of who is NOT coming. Those who can afford to take off work and pay for the trip are more worth your emotional energy than those who can't come for whatever reason. I'm having this problem too. I don't want to look back on my wedding day and remember that there were hurt feelings and arguing over money that took away the joy of the fact that we were married. So, really think about not having your father walk you down the aisle. You might regret it later. I think I would forgive him for not acting the way you thought he should and let him do the fatherly thing for the sake of your relationship.

[missdanelle]

Jen you are definately not alone! Its so easy to get discouraged when all you hear are negative responses from people; especially coming from the ones that you love the most. I dont know why poeple insist on making everything about them is so annoying. Ive come to the point that whenever someone says something negative about our DW i just tell them "this is what we decided to do for OUR wedding". Im sorry that you are having to deal with this as well..

[YoursTruly]

We have all gone thru similar situations such as your self. So take comfort in that. Weddings bring out the best and the worst in people and quite frankly this has shown me who really is a friend and who is not. So I have done some housecleaning and no need to look back either. A lot of the emotional stress goes with the territory so be strong.

[SoonToBeE]

Quote:

Originally Posted by luvtoteachlaw It is amazing to me how many people feel "entitled" to see you get married! As if you owe it to them or something. And the guilt trips can be tremendous. I have experienced this with both sides of family, although my immediate family is very very excited to go. Their excitement helps me disregard all those people who bitch and moan about us expecting them to use their vacation time to come to our wedding. Well, if we are important to them, they will come. If not, that is their choice. I think it comes down to priorities.

Thanks for all the help ladies! I fully agree that people feel entitled to come to your wedding! I had no idea that people would feel this way until I saw it in action.

I guess the hardest part about having people so angry is that we're not angry that they are not coming. We understand what we are asking. They should understand that too! Oh well.....

We are so excited about the guests that are coming, with the exception of a few key players (mom, grandma, some aunts and cousins) everyone is there that we would want there. So we are so happy and feel so blessed.

As for my dad walking me down the aisle.....I know I can't 'not' have him do that. He is so looking forward to it and I know I would regret it. But the part of me that is angry wants to do this on my own, just like everything else. But in the end we would both lose, and that would be too sad.

We were thinking about doing a vow renewal when we got back, or legally get married at City Hall when we got back. Has anyone thought about doing that? Do you think your DW guests would feel cheated that they didn't get to see the real 'legal' wedding?

Any suggestions?

Thanks again - as bad as it sounds it's good to hear that everyone is in the same boat and that we're not having a disaster wedding : )