Are you changing your name?

[CanadianLindsey]

I jokingly tried to confince my FI to take my last name...I'm Scottish and he loves Braveheart...but he wouldn't do it!  Funny that he thought it was absurd to change his name but just expected me to change mine.  While I am taking his last name, I would love to keep my maiden as a middle name, but I already have 2 middle names and it would just be too much.  As a compromise we agreed to give our kids a shortened version of my maiden name as middle names.   

On a side note,  why does every phone, credit card and utilites company make it so difficult to change a last name?! 

[downtownlagirl]

Yes he is!!!
 

Originally Posted by sascolo 

You are marrying a very cool guy! He is a keeper. 
 

Quote:

Originally Posted by downtownlagirl 

Wow, I so agree with this. I was making out the formal address list for the calligraphers, and we don't have ONE couple that goes by the old-school "Mr. and Mrs. Frank Jones", which is good because it feels so wrong to me.

I understand the romanticism of taking his name but do not like the connotation. With us, we don't have middle names, so we are BOTH taking each others' as a new middle: I become Ms.Eli Jones Smith and he becomes Mr. Michael Smith Jones. Lets us keep all our paperwork and professional stuff the same and still mark the commitment we made. 

His last name is really rare and he is one of the last males, so he REALLY wants the kids to have his name....but it's one of those names that will get a kid teased horribly at school - so I am a little confused about that.
 

Quote:

Originally Posted by weddingaway 

I have always been very independent.  In fact, up until months ago, I had never really wanted to get married.  So, logically, I have never wanted to change my name. 

 

But then I actually read up on the history of it.  WOW!  I know that I will sound like a hyper-feminist, but learning the history definitely solidified my stance.

 

A groom paid the father of the bride to marry her, essentially "buying" her, and, yes, she was considered to be property.  That's why women had no rights back then, because they were only property.  And she took his name so that everyone knew who she "belonged" to.  I could describe more but it would only be depressing.

 

I am all for unity and family, but I just don't understand why anyone wants to honor a tradition like that.  Maybe you could start a new tradition where he takes your name?  Or you both just pick a new name? j/k

 

 

[speedy130]

I am also having trouble with the name change decision!!

 

I always said I would never take someone's last name. My FI wanted me to, and I'm sure still does, but has come around to saying it is completely up to me and he won't be upset either way.  I think he finally understands!  My last name is used as my nickname by almost EVERYONE I know, so for me it is like changing my first name in some ways.  Also, professionally I have published science research under my name, so I have established it and do not like to change it.

 

However, I don't know what to do when we have kids.  I completely agree that the tradition is there for the wrong reasons (being property), but part of me loves being a single family under one name.  A unit.  So my idea is to change it legally, use it in the future with schools etc, but keep my maiden name as the one I actually use.

 

As L-Mango said, "That's why I am content to keep my maiden name as my official name but use my FI's last name for things like a passport, etc. If you don't change your name, whose name do your kids take?? What a mess. "

 

But can you really have the best of both worlds?  I'm gonna try it out, and see how it goes!  Overall though, I am a bit resentful that we have to deal with it in the first place...

[Labebita911]

Ive been struggling with the name change but have decided to take His name. I was holding on to my last name since Its all I have left of my father who passed away when i was 11 but His family has NEVER tried to make an attempt to be part of my life so I feel like although he's part of me I'm not proud of his family at all so I will always know who I am and know that I was born with his last name and He would want me to be happy I don't need to carry his name to know I am and will always be his daughter It will be EXTREMELY hard to officially change it as I am already crying about it but I want to take on my FI last name and so does he although he understand if i don't want to but I will...I also thought of having my last name as my middle since i have none but i don't want any confusions and growing up without a middle name and all of a sudden have one just don't want to get used to it and i don't want to hyphenate my name because I just dint want to..lol... So Mrs Perez i will be.....

[Pucca]

I used to (and still do) think that other last names sound funny with my first name, other than my own. So I was hesitant about the whole name-changing topic. On the one hand I didn't want to change it; on the other hand, I thought it wouldn't be so bad. But, now with where I am in life, I've come to the point where I can't change my last name because it would be like career suicide in a sense. Hyphenating it might still be an option but my fiance says he's totally fine with me not changing my last name to his. So I guess I'm keeping my name.  

[Maritza919]

I am going to take my fiancé's name. I don't have a middle name so maybe I'll use my last name as a middle name not sure though. I too told my fiancé he should change his last name to mine lol.

[MDLady]

I changed my name to my husbands but the main reason was because my name is difficult to spell and pronounce and his is very standard.  And yes, the name changing process is a PAIN.

 

I don't think just because I changed my name, I'm now my husband's property.  Those are very outdated ideals but it makes it easier as a family.  My Mom never changed her name and now we ALL have different names in my family (I have a sister who's married as well).

[SeeFlowers]

I will definitely be hyphenating my name with FI. My frist name is Candice (or Candi) and his last name is Flowers. I think Candi Flowers kindda sounds like it should be my stripper name! LOL!

[weddingaway]

MDLady - I didn't mean to offend anyone.  I was just detailing that it used to be that taking the last name signified being property.  I think all of the women on this forum are much too strong to consider themselves to be anyone's property.

[Maritza919]

See flowers- that's too funny! Are you ladies superstitious? I heard you shouldn't write your married name until you're married and also if you get personalized stationary you shouldnt use it until after your wedding. I love personalized stationary! They never had anything with The name Maritza on it so I'm excited to get ne stationary!