Just need to Vent

[LadyZak]

I just needed to vent what is happening right now, I feel so overwhelmed and this is really the only safe place I feel I can right now.

 

We are getting married on Feb 2, - leaving Jan 26 and have been living in Edmonton AB and with the economy right now, it does not make sense to rent out our house in Vancouver and live here and rent when jobs come and go for my FI. And right now he is working up north, so why pay rent for a place in Edmonton and a mortgage for our place in Van when we are not even living together.

Which is part of the problem, the distance makes it very hard for him to understand what is going on, but I do have to say he does try, but we are (like so many of you) working with a budget and trying to save money. So he will harp on about it alot, which I have to say I dont spend frivolously, but it bugs me that he makes comments when doesn’t know what is going on. Then I feel guilty that I am upset about it.... An example - I got a cab yesterday, after my drive from heck (it is explained below) and it cost about 15$ after the tip - and I got in trouble for that..but honestly I could not think enough to figure out the bus system -

Anyway the really reasons stressing me out - As I mentioned we are moving, and FI decided that it makes more sense for me to drive to Edmonton and back 2 times (well will be 3 as I am coming back to meet him when he is done work - and we will empty our storage locker, but he could come back another time to do it, if it came down to it) opposed to renting a truck or movers.

So I went to Van on Sat (which is a 12 hr drive through the mountians) and it went fine, no worries - there has been a lot of snow in Vancouver which is weird, but really not too many problems.

So I planned on coming back on Sunday and FI has a friend who has a cargo van, which would help I was to meet him around 12-1 at his weekend job to switch cars, well he had not shown up by 130, so I decided i had to go as if i was to go as I needed to be back by the 31st for my dress fitting (yes i was pushing it and knew it, but it was possible)

So I was on my way, I hit all kinds of weather, icy roads, and fog - it was not a good drive. Well about 300km (3hrs away or so) from Edmonton my SUV decided to start to act up, and would slow down the go back to normal - hills were brutal and since I was in the mountains kind of hard to avoid. Then about an hour out of Edmonton I could not get my car to go faster then 40 kms per hour - so what should have taken me about a hour took me two and half hours. By the end of it my 12 hour drive turned into 18 hrs. Needless to say I was stressed by the time I got home.

I tried to sleep and everyone was calling, so I got up after an hour, and then we figured out what to do about the car and I brought it in to get looked at.

Well as it turns out some pipe was plugged and costs about $800 to replace. (though sometimes i am thankful FI talks as much as he does - he was talking to his foreman who it turns out knows the guy who owns the shop and it helped us as they too 100$ off)

So anyway we dont have joint accounts yet - and as we are moving I no longer have a job (adds to the stress) so now trying to figure out how to get me the money as he uses credit unions and email transfers can apparently take days.) But hopefully we can work something out with that.

I have my dress fitting tomorrow in Vancouver at 2 pm, so if I go tonight and drive all through the night and have no problems, I could make it, but looking at the weather, it is not nice by Vancouver again. So I am not sure if I will make it.

I have also been doing all the Christmas shopping ect for both families, I worked up to the 23rd and still have not quite finished all the packing....

Just feeling a little overwhelmed

I have no idea if any of this makes sense, but thanks for letting me vent and sorry it is so long

[YoursTruly]

Wow you reallyy have a lot going on. Take deep breath, prioritize what you need to get done and take it a day at a time. Talk to FI so he has an idea of what you are going through, the things you did not plan on happening and how it adds stress. I wish you well.

[Sapphire723]

Wow, sounds like you've been having a rough time.

 

It seems to me like your fiance is stressing about money and the only way he knows to control it is to make his comments when possible. I would talk to him and let him know that his comments upset you. Also, I would talk to him about what may be making him so anxious about it.

 

I would also talk to him about the stress you're going through and what is upsetting you. If you are worried about "getting in trouble" with your fiance, then that's going to put an extra strain on the relationship.

 

Just remember, that it's you two against the world now. No matter how bad the economy or work situations get, you have each other to lean on, so it's very important to be able to sort through your problems together.

[KLC77]

Holy cow, you have a lot going! I'd be so stressed too. You need wine... lots of wine.

[JHarwood2Be]

No other advice really, but I would reschedule the dress fitting, so you do not need to stress about one more thing. You have 4 months, right? Good luck to you!

[LadyZak]

Thanks girls,

Well I am mostly packed now, so that is a good thing what isnt done can be done very easily when I come back.

And apparently the car is fixed so just need to figure out getting it picked up. I am sure it will all be fine in the end.

 

Your right too I just need to make sure we communicating. Not sure if I am going back tonight or not, I have spoken to the person doing my dress fitting and she understands. We are leaving it last min - and if we need to reschedule she is going to fit me in on Friday some how. But with less then a month a way before we leave it worries me.

But i am sure it will fine.

 

Thanks again for listening

 

And I like the wine idea - I might just have to take your advice.

[Hartyt509]

Quote:

Originally Posted by KLC77 Holy cow, you have a lot going! I'd be so stressed too. You need wine... lots of wine.

Totally agree lol and tell FI that its gonna cost $$$$ in therapy for the stress if he doesn't shut up when you are doing everything lol

If he's stressing about money (and I know how he feels!) then use that as the weapon lol sneaky but necessary for sanity

[LadyZak]

Thanks for the help girls.

It got worse yesterday, as I went to leave again (after the car was "fixed") and got about 2 hours out and it started doing the same thing. So I turned abound, and came back and again it got to the point of I could only go 40km - well at one point 20kms and hour -but I made it back -whew

So after talking to FI I am just waiting for him to be done this rotation, and we are going to rent a cube van and drive back together - not sure what we are doing with my vehicle yet - he had someone offer him some $$ for it, and we might do that as we dont even know if what it would take to get it certified in BC. But we will see. I can always take transit in Vancouver - it is pretty good there.

And as for the dress fitting I have cancelled it all together and for about the same cost as they were saying my fitting was going to be - I got a new dress (one i Had seen a while ago and fell in love with, but refused to buy a second dress even though I loved it more then my first one) It needed a minor little alteration, and they say it should be ready tomorrow - yahoo - if I get pictures I will post them.

So that is one less stress. Well actually a couple, so now just figuring out things to do with the wedding, try and get some of my diy projects done, if I havent already taken the stuff back

 

Thanks for listening

[Jacilynda]

OH I am so glad you just got a new dress!!! i live a few hours south of you and the weather i pretty bad. My sis bf is driving from seattle right now and the weather is horrible!! We only took a 2.5 hour drive from my grandparents last night and ended up sliding into a guardrail. And we could only drive 30 mph to begin w/, It's bad weather to drive in.

 

Don't stress so much about money. I know we all do it, but don't worry about something you don't have much control over. The holidays are stressful period and then having FI away just makes things harder. And as horrible as it is when we stress we tend to let it out on the people closest to us (FI). Take a little time for yourself where you aren't worrying about ANYTHING and enjoy yourself.