Reception Back Home after DW

[krysiafosz]

I am getting married in Akumal, Mexico in June of 2009 and am thrilled! All along, we've pretty much figured we would have a reception back home for those that couldn't make it, but I don't want to make it a big, traditional affair. Why pay all that money to have 2 receptions I would be happy with a nice cocktail party, and hooking up an IPOD in a hall we rent. It would still be pretty formal in how people should dress, but without all the extra details (sit-down dinner, wedding cake, etc.)

 

My mom, on the other hand, wants us to have a reception back home that IS more traditional, with the sit-down dinner, DJ, etc. First of all, there hasn't been any talk regarding who will pay for the at-home reception, and if it is mine and my fiance's bill, then I definitely don't want to spend all that money. Even if my parents want to pay for it, again, I don't want another formal reception. Plus, my dad doesn't see the need to even have anything back home, although he's a guy, and sometimes they don't understand all the details = )

 

To complicate things further, my mom has had a hard time accepting the fact that we are getting married outside of the church in another country, she is very traditional. So part of me just wants to give her SOMETHING to be happy about. The other part of me wonders, "Why even go to Mexico to get married if we'll have to go through a big reception back home, anyways"

 

Help!!

[tylersgirl]

My advice is do what YOU and FI want to do. I am having an AHR when I get back because I want to be able to celebrate with my guests who cannot come to my wedding in Mexico. Just tell you mom that a low key AHR will make you happy.

[bsullivan2]

Maybe you can compromise with your mom. You can have a very low key and casual reception back at home. And talk to her about perhaps splitting the cost. You can always find a place to rent that will be reasonable, or see if you can have it at a friend or family member's house.

[montegobay09]

I went through the exact same thing! I was wondering why we were even going to Jamaica if the AHR was going to be just as much work.

 

I ended up realizing that we were going to Jamaica because that's what we wanted and that's how we would most enjoy our wedding. We worked out the AHR by planning a low key reception with only some finger foods beginning at 8:30 in the evening with a slide show of the trip to Jamaica and then a cocktail reception. Then Mom and Dad decided that they would pay for the food and suggested that we may want to consider a buffet dinner that would still be informal but would make them feel better about making guests travel to us. (Mom said she didn't want to push it on us ...it was just a suggestion) FI and I didn't mind either way especially since it wasn't costing us a cent...and the invitations weren't printed yet so we just changed the time and wording to include a buffet dinner and so far that's how it's working out.

 

I know everyone is different and things probably won't work out exactly the same but maybe if you told your mom that you just wanted a small low key reception and that it didn't seem to be worth it to you to spend the extra $$, maybe she'll either understand where you're coming from and leave it at that...or offer to help with the cost..

 

good luck with your decision and remember it's not their wedding, it's yours and your FI's.

[calchik]

we're getting married in mexico with maybe 30 of our closest friends and family. but when we get home we're having a cocktail reception and inviting 160 people. i wanted a destination wedding from day one but felt really bad about excluding so much family and friends so that's why we're having AHR.

 

our AHR is going to be only hor d'uerves (i can never spell that word right), drinks, ipod but we picked a really different venue which is the aerospace museum where they have historic planes and in the middle of the floor there's enough space for us to have our reception. we're doing a slideshow, sand ceremony, couple flipino traditions to keep with my culture and speeches. no wedding cake, no dances (those will be done in mexico anyways). totally understand on the not wanting a formal reception cuz that's the last thing i want.

 

i agree with the other girls, talk to your mom and tell her what you'd like to do. sure she might be initally disappointed but i think in the end she'd care more about your happiness. if you do it her way it'll just cause you more stress, possibly more money, and you don't want to end up with resentful feelings over this cuz you feel pressured into a formal affair. its your wedding, once in a lifetime event, don't do it any way that you'll regret

[Rob&Sue]

we're getting married in Panama in January, and will have about 30 family and friends there to celebrate with us. we're planning an AHR for the late spring of 2009 - between 4 and 5 months after we come back.

 

we really wanted something informal and fun, but don't want guests to have to travel a long way without giving them food. So, we decided on a picnic/ garden party reception. We're renting a group campsite with a huge picnic shelter at a local park, and hosting a big BBQ with live music and games like bocce ball. We want friends and family to feel welcome to bring their kids and pets. And, they can enjoy the facilities in the park all day too - hiking, swimming, bird watching, etc.

 

I agree with everyone here that you should talk to your mom and see if you can compromise, or even just share your feelings.

 

Good luck with everything!

[krysiafosz]

Thanks for all the words of encouragement. It's a bit of a relief to know that I'm not the only one going through this. Like I said, it's not that I MIND a formal reception back home, but it would be more for my mom than for us. The place we will be renting actually has an indoor hall, as well as an outdoor dance floor, playground, and chicken/pig-roasting area. I would LOVE to just do a nice big BBQ, and bring my dog, too! My mom is just so traditional she wants to put on a display for all of her friends. We are a Polish family, so the tradition runs deep. I guess time will tell, but I will have a talk to her and mention your comments.

 

Thanks ladies!

[EngagedToBeMrsB]

I, like so many others, am in the same situation as you. My FI and I are getting married alone in Florida with no guests which his parents have stated is "ruining their life." ( a little over the top, huh?) We are then returning to our home state (not where we live now) for a fun reception with a laid-back atmosphere but my mom is upset that the meal will be vegetarian and that I expect people to dress up. Even more, there are endless other disagreementss. But you know what, you CANNOT make everyone happy and the whole event belongs to you and your fiancee. Everyone else involved can have or has had their chance to create the wedding/reception that they wanted and this one is yours. Everyone else will get over it. I prefer just to figure things out and then let the family know what we have decided, end of discussion. Good LucK!

[EngagedToBeMrsB]

I, like so many others, am in the same situation as you. My FI and I are getting married alone in Florida with no guests which his parents have stated is "ruining their life." ( a little over the top, huh?) We are then returning to our home state (not where we live now) for a fun reception with a laid-back atmosphere but my mom is upset that the meal will be vegetarian and that I expect people to dress up. Even more, there are endless other disagreementss. But you know what, you CANNOT make everyone happy and the whole event belongs to you and your fiancee. Everyone else involved can have or has had their chance to create the wedding/reception that they wanted and this one is yours. Everyone else will get over it. I prefer just to figure things out and then let the family know what we have decided, end of discussion. Good LucK!

[soon2bePowers]

I agree with everyone, you need to do what will make you happy. We are getting married in Mexico June 2009 and then having a get together in town in July. We are going to Mexico to get away from the tradition wedding thing so we are not having a traditional reception when we get back. We are going to do an open-house style event. We are planning on having heavy appetizers and drinks. We are going to have a slideshow of all of our pics and some beach decorations. It will probably be a sun-dress occasion.

 

I hope everything works out!