Unbelievable fiasco with SIL

[beachbride2009]

This is a tale and a half...I'm hoping to get some validation for my feelings about this brutal situation from you lovely ladies!

 

My FI's brother got engaged last Christmas...at this point me and my FI were not engaged yet...and they mentioned at the time they were thinking about a destination wedding. I told them they should book asap as these things take time to plan and book up fast!

 

My FI and I got engaged in May, after a thoughtful waiting period for brother Dave & Alex to enjoy their 'newly engaged status' without us raining on their parade. So after we got engaged, we waited and waited for them to decide what they were going to do about their wedding, as we thought since they got engaged first, we would be respectful and let them choose their wedding style/date before we did. So here comes September and Alex (sister-in-law-to-be) is all over the board with what she wants to do...she decides she wants a spring wedding (April 2009!!!) and is looking at the Mayan Riviera (my recommendation!). After hemming and hawing, she decides its too much to ask her friends to shell out that kind of money, and too much work for her. So she looks at Victoria BC, then settles on the Okanagan in BC. (Remember, this is 10 months after they got engaged).

 

In early October she emails me telling me she has book June 25th at a resort hotel in the Okanagan, and that she and Dave are set on it now.

 

Great! So my FI and I sit down that week and talk about what we want to do....we had been looking at a few options (local golf course), but my FI says "lets do the destination thing since Dave & Alex aren't". I am totally fine with that...and we decide on the Mayan Riviera as it's both of our fave spots.

 

So I go ahead and book our wedding date at the Azul Sensatori for November 20th, 2009. I tell Alex we have decided on the destination wedding since she and Dave are staying local. That was a month ago. Around the same time we were at a family gathering and we talked about our respective plans with other family members. As far as I knew it was a done deal.

 

So then 4 days ago I get an email from Alex saying she has now changed her mind and wants to do a destination wedding...in the Mayan...in April - this April. I was flabbergasted. What? How could she do this? I emailed her and explained that her making this decision would really affect not just our plans, but it would put finacial stress on the common family...either shell out for 2 weddings both in the Mayan only 7 months apart, or have to choose between the 2 brothers. How fair is that? And my FI wanted Dave to be his best man, but if they go ahead with this they said they wouldn't be able to attend our wedding. and how could we afford to attend theirs when we're saving for ours?

 

I am extremely pissed about this. My FI talked to his brother expressing our concerns (I tried with Alex but she basically said 'I don't care, its what I want', and Dave told my FI that he understands and agrees with us, but he doesn't think he'll be able to change her mind. My FI also told Dave that this is going to cause some long term relationship rifts in the family if she doesn't come to her senses, and he basically just shrugged his shoulders.

 

Is it just me, or do you think this is entirely completely selfish of her to do this? After all the respect and patience we gave them too! We are still awaiting the final word from Dave on what they are going to do, but I'm not keeping my hopes up. Hopefully sooner rather than later as I'm not sleeping well!

[Yari]

Yes, she is being quite selfish. I wonder how she went from staying local and choosing a date to completely changing her mind. Sounds like she might be jealous of you and your choices...

[tvt]

hmm that is such a toughie! a friend of mine went through a very similiar situation - just not destination weddings.

 

are they 100% decided on the destination wedding? maybe she's just jealous of your plans and is wishing she had gone a different route. either way, it's hard. can the 4 of you sit down and talk about how this affects both couples plus all of the common family?

[amyh]

I suggest sending out STD's asap. Luckily you've already spread the word and you have time on your hands, most guest want to have time to save money for a DW. I think she is being selfish and its her fault for waiting so long to decide.

[happygilmore]

I think it is totally selfish...but from the sounds of it give her a month or so and she'll want to switch again! Plus I don't think people are going to appreciate her giving them 5 months notice with a major holiday coming up (if they celebrate Christmas!)

 

But I say totally don't change your plans because of her!

[BC Bride2be]

I agree with the girls, its sounds like she's definitely jealous of you.. can you talk to you FI's parents and ask them to talk to their son and future daughter inlaw? She needs to understand that she no longer has the option of a DW, she decided local and she should stick to that OR wait a year after your wedding to have her DW...

[1elephant]

i agree with the rest of the ladies here. she's jealous! i'd send out STDs immediately as well....and hope that she doesn't have the same thought- and that she doesn't find bdw!!!

[beachbride2009]

Thanks ladies...I appreciate the support that I am not totally off my rocker here! My FI and I have discussed this at great length the last few days and he is of the opinion that there is nothing we can do at this point until they tell us what their final decision is. My FI said that his brother is the only one that might be able to change things and knock some sense into her. She is obviously not of a reasonable mind because I tried pointing out all of the issues with this decision but she declined to listen. The guys might consider a sit-down meeting, but I honestly think I'd strangle her if I got close enough.

apparently Dave says she wants a spring wedding, no ifs and or buts. And Dave tred to get her to think about 2010, but she doesn't want to get married when she's 39...what's the difference with 38? Sheesh...

[beachbride2009]

Oh, and yes, my STDs are at the designer/printers right now and I told him I needed a rush on it!

[syl1115]

Ok, I'm going to throw something out there. Have you thought about having both weddings at the same time in Mexico? This way all of the guests, and you will have some common guests, will only have to pay for one trip. They don't necessarily have to be at the same resort, just the same week or overlapping somehow. The only con I see about this would be that it is your day and your wedding and you will have to share the thunder with your FSIL. But, it might be fun! You could definately share some costs.