MOH Issues... (And she's my sister)!

[selina]

I didn't know where to write this. I am hoping it's okay to put it here since it does pertain to my dress.

 

I need to vent right now. I am so upset.

 

So my sister was chosen to be my MOH, not because we're super close or best friends or anything... but because I was hers and my mom insisted that she be mine (think she also insisted on me being hers at her wedding).

 

When we booked our trip I got a call from her asking if she could invite HER in-laws?? Her mother in-law and her father in-law. So even though I really wanted the week in Mexico to be a chance for my parents to get to know my FHs parents... I agreed and said fine, no problem. Didn't wanna cause any problems.

 

So 3 weeks ago I set up a date to go dress shopping. We're going this Saturday. I invited my MOH (sister), my mom, and my best friend. That's it. Everyone agreed and we were all set.

 

Well yesterday my mom told me that my sister wouldn't be coming because she had to tile her floors.... I was upset and hurt. I emailed her on FB to ask her if that was true. She said yeah sorry. Not even any attempt to make any sort of compromise. I would have changed the time if she had asked.

 

So... this morning my status on Facebook was "Selina is... Very disappointed". Didn't say at who, why or what happened. But my sister jumps all over me and starts swearing and saying that the world doesn't revolve around me, she was gonna come on Saturday but forget it now... She even said "F*ck You"...

 

So it's my fault for being upset that my own sister won't come wedding dress shopping with me. I am the bad one for saying how I feel (but not using names). Then she tells my mom (god knows what) and I get an email from my mom telling me that I am being a "Bridezilla" (yes she actually said those words) and that I shouldn't be putting my business all over FB!!!

 

I emailed my sister and said I am not comfortable with her being my MOH anymore because I don't feel that she is very supportive or that she is going to "be there for me".... She couldn't even make herself available for one of the most important days of my life.

 

Am I wrong for being as upset as I am?

[BlissfulMsMiranda]

Aw you poor thing. That's so stressful!!! I don't have siblings, so I can't say I fully understand but I think the main problem here is that you aren't close to your sister and just because she's family doesn't necessarily mean she should be your MOH.

 

I think, if anyone overreacted, you sister did! Of course you had a right to be upset about her not coming dress shopping! That's one of the most important parts of a wedding and she "chose" to step out and not attend ... I would have been hurt too!!

 

As for your Mum ... well mother's will be there for whichever child is hurting most and your sis must have made a pretty good case on her part ...

 

Don't feel bad about revoking her MOH title. I wouldn't. You want someone up there with you who's going to love and support you NO MATTER WHAT - someone who won't let their tiling job get in the way of spending time and supporting you. I don't know what I'd do without my MOH ... she's my rock and she's been brilliant so far and I'm going to be so proud to be standing up there with her, my FI and his BM ...

 

Do what feels right for YOU ... forget what your Mum said or even your sister ... if you're not happy then something's gotta change.

 

[chicklet]

Sorry you are having to deal with all this :)Planning a wedding is not easy and everyone should be happy you are involving them.

I don't think you are wrong at all. It really does sound like your sister likes to be the center of attention and this is your day!! Don't forget that.

Talk to your mom. She has only one side of the story.

Maybe take a week or so to let everything pass and then make a decision as to what you want to do with the MOH position. Making decisions when you are upset sometimes isn't the best decision.

[KLC77]

I think you have every right to be upset. Your sister doesn't sound like she wants to be your MOH. Your MOH should be someone who is so excited for you and makes things LESS stressful, not more! This whole thing could've been avoided had she just communicated with you about what she had to do and then you could've made some changes if it were really important to you that she be there for the dress shopping.

 

Also, you need to tell your mother to butt out! I know that's probably hard to do, but she is really causing a stir between you and your sister. She should've told your sister to tell you herself she couldn't make it and then you two would've been able to talk about it rather than having a middle man. Good luck. It sounds like this might get worse before it gets better.

[NJ_bride]

Selina, my advice is listen to the other girls, this is the person that is supposed to support you, not create problems. I had the same problems with my MOH. Take her out now, if she can't make the dress shopping she won't make anything else a proirty, trust me. My MOH didn't come to pick my dress or hers, I have many posts on here about my situation, you can search them to get the story of my problems but I can't rehash as I am 1 month away from my wedding today. All I can say is boot her now, pick someone great and enjoy everything! If I could I would go back and do the same. Good luck!

[KAMAY11]

I agree with the girls-I too had a HUGE issue with my bridesmaid and as a result, we are no longer friends!!! If I could turn back time I would not have wanted her to be a part of my day. (I HATE the fact I have to see her face in my wedding photos! Lol.)

The people in your wedding party should want to be there for you on one of the biggest days of your life and be happy for YOU! In the long run, i think it's better if your sister is not your MOH-her heart is obviously not in it.

Saying "F**K you is completley UNACCEPTABLE!!!

[selina]

Thanks for listening. I really have no one to talk to right now and am thankful to have your ears (or... eyes). After I emailed her telling her that I wasn't comfortable with her being my MOH, she sent me a response with about 25 F words calling me every name in the book. Then said to have a nice life and not to bother contacting her anymore... So, that does it I guess. Nice sister I have.

 

*Sigh

[Banana11]

You have every right to be upset with your sister and mom! You didn't ask for much from your sister and she failed at every turn. Plus, your mom is being so unfair and taking sides without even talking to you first. I would be done with your sister as MOH now versus dealing with her drama throughout the planning process and wedding. I'm sorry you are dealing with this! No matter how she spins it, it's undeserved.

[sunsetbride1]

I am so sorry!!! You are not being unreasonable at all.

 

I am kind of the same with my sister. We are not very close; but my family insisted that I ask her to by MOH since I was hers (which was a disaster bc she was a TRUE BRIDEZILLA, but that is a story for another day). My sister decided that she is not even coming to the wedding after I asked her and made it a big deal with my family. So I completely understand where you are coming from; it was a huge drama and uneeded stress.

 

IMO, this is what I would do...

I would give yourself some time to calm down. Then I would talk to her either in person or on the phone; not on email or facebook. Tell her that you are hurt bc she would rather tile her floor than participate in preparing you for the most important day of your life. Don't accuse...just tell her how her actions made you feel. Then hear out what she has to say about why she didn't come any why she is so upset now. Then I would ask her if she really wants to be your MOH; tell her that you would love for her to be your MOH bc she is your sister - but understand if she doesn't feel like it is somethng that she can commit the time to doing.

 

If all else fails and she is still being unreasonable; talk to your family and explain that you are going to ask her to not be your MOH because she is not willing to participate. Then tell her very graciously - thanks but no thanks.

Then find someone who means a lot to you to take her place.

Then grab onto FI, weather out the storm and have a drink! .

 

Remember this is yours and FI's special day! Don't let anyone interfere with that!!

 

Good luck!

[BlissfulMsMiranda]

Well, you know if your sister is going to react like that to a decision about YOUR wedding ... then she definitely doesn't deserve to be your MOH.

 

Now, don't let your Mum suck you in to feeling guilty about letting her go! KLC77 is right - tell your Mum to butt out! This is between you and your sister and if your sister can mature a little and understand the situation and where you're coming from then you might have an easier time with her.

 

I'm really sorry you have to go through this! It always seems like wedding planning will be so easy and fun ... then we forget about situations like this.

 

And you know your BDW girls will always be here for you!!!