I'm down a Bridesmaid

[JaimeLynne]

Kinda sad about it, but honestly I'd rather know now than later. I confronted this particular friend because she has not said anything to me really about the wedding. 2 of my BMs have already booked their trip, and 1 is already planning a lingerie party. But nada from this one. Sad though because she's been a friend for several years.

 

I just kinda got the vibe that something was going on, so I wrote her (what I think) was a nice letter, giving her the chance to "bow out gracefully". I know she's dealing a lot with her current relationship, and some other things. So she wrote me back and said she's been avoiding a lot of people not just me. She's in a lot of financial trouble right now too. I definitely get that. However, I've invited her to several things that are just movie nights at our pad and the like and she's never come...

 

Anyways, she was honest with me which I totally appreciate and she did take the opportunity to "bow out gracefully". Anyways, it still kind of feels like a hit below the belt even though I pretty much knew it was coming. I am proud of myself for not avoiding it and stepping up to "confront" her about the situation. But I'm still hurting - I know many of y'all have gone through similar situations. In the end I know those who really truly care and matter will be there (not saying she doesn't matter - that kinda came out weird).

 

*sigh*

[LisaG]

I know it hurts your feelings, but I do think it's good that you found out now rather than the last minute.

People handle things differently, and her avoiding you completely might just be her way of handling her situation with the BF and her finances. She might just be ebarrassed. I would not take it personal.

[DanielleNDerek]

That sucks Jam but it sounds like it's for the best. And i'm proud of you for confronting her now knowing you may be dissappointed. I hope now that's settled, she can still be there for you in other ways for the wedding that arent financially draining for her

[Yari]

It totally hurts and I was sad when it happened to me.

 

Just know she loves you and is probably very sad about not being able to go.

[TATrisha]

That's sad. Even though it's for the best, and obviously better for her... it still must hurt to see one of your friends in that position.

I'm sure she was bowing out of the movie nights and things like that so that you guys wouldn't talk about the wedding and put her on the spot. Maybe now that you know the truth she'll be able to do those things

[Amarillis]

I am sad that your bridesmaid bailed on you, but as you said.. "I totally appreciate and she did take the opportunity to "bow out gracefully"."

 

Your sadness is understandable, but remember that your friend did the right thing by bowing out gracefully... she could have waited a lot longer....

 

Good luck.

Big Hugs!

[JaimeLynne]

Thanks everyone.

 

Yeah, I def. get the avoidance thing. I used to do that a lot (probably still do to some extent). You know, one of the best parts for me of being a part of this forum is seeing what other girls go through - that really helps me to prepare for bumps in the road like this, and to get through it ok. Without all of y'all and your experiences I probably would have just avoided the situation also and would have been REALLY hurt in the end.

 

I feel pretty blah right now however thanks to this forum I'm able to remember what others have gone through and I'm just thankful that my BFF and MOH has booked and so has one of my other BMs (a good friend from College). And most of my family will be going too. So I definitely am blessed.

 

I just wrote her a pretty short email just thanking her for being honest with me and stuff. Of course she'll still be invited to the Bach. Party and all that - I'm not pissed at her or anything. Just a little sad right now... I know it will get better soon though.

[JaimeLynne]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tlseege That's sad. Even though it's for the best, and obviously better for her... it still must hurt to see one of your friends in that position. I'm sure she was bowing out of the movie nights and things like that so that you guys wouldn't talk about the wedding and put her on the spot. Maybe now that you know the truth she'll be able to do those things

Good point. I think I mentioned the movie nights to her in the short little email I sent her. Kinda hinting around that we're open to doing things low key. I dunno tho, she is just going through a really bad time right now and she's been distant for quite awhile... I think she's pretty depressed and so even when there are things to do that don't cost money, she still doesn't come out. I could be wrong tho... I hope you're right cause I would like to see her come hang out again... She did mention that she'd still like to be a part of things (which I told her in my first email that she was definitely still included).

Like I said, I knew this was coming. I don't want to say anything bad about her on here, but I can say that I just had a feeling this would happen... and I really am glad that this got resolved earlier rather than later.

[Jacqueline]

aw thats a sin but it is better to know now is right. ( maybe she was waiting for you to say something b/c it was easier for her to bring it up. and it was nice of you to be so understanding about it. i hope your friend isnt depressed like u mentioned, that is the worst.

[ErinB]

I'm sorry Jamie. You're right in that it is better to find out now. My BM cancelled 3 weeks before the wedding and stuck me with the bill for the trip and the dress.

 

I know it sucks, but maybe your relationship can improve now and she won't feel so pressured. Or, she might not come around again for a while. My ex-BM still hasn't called me, didn't come to showers, or the AHR. I think she is embarrassed and still feels guilty and it has snow-balled. I don't want to say that to freak you out, but some people do strange things and you need to remember it's not your fault.

 

Big Hugs!