Feel like my family is completely ignoring me!

[mexicobride2009]

Let me first apologize if I start rambling... I am just really upset and need to vent!!

We sent out about 35 invitations back in July. Everyone we sent the invites to already knew about the wedding, this was just the "official" invite. We asked people to respond by October 15. I wanted to know how many people were planning on coming so I could figure out what to do for the reception dinner, plan my OOT bags, etc. Anyways, October 15 came and went and we have still now only got 9 replies back! 2 of those are my parents and a couple are from FI's family in England and Australia!! But my family in Canada just can't seem to be bothered!

My aunt, my cousin and her boyfriend went ahead and bought some timeshare package type of thing (it's a one time use thing) in Playa Del Carmen. They did this without even talking to us about it and actually still haven't mentioned it to me. My mom found out about it almost by accident while they were talking. I understand they were trying to save money but after only a little research, my mom and I have figured out that it's actually going to be more expensive for them once they pay for food, drinks, etc (the package they got is not all inclusive). Not to mention the day passes for our resort for the wedding.... AND they haven't even booked the dates they want to use this package yet so who knows if our wedding week will even be available!? If it isn't available then, I'm sure they won't be able to afford to come. What really bothers me is that they didn't even talk to us first!!

This same cousin just had a baby and we sent her a gift a couple months ago and she hasn't even mentioned it! Not even a quick "thank you" email!

All of this and my grandpa has the nerve to tell my mom he thinks we are being selfish having the wedding in Mexico and asking people to spend that kind of money to be there! He wouldn't be able to come even if we had it here because him and my grandma can't travel and we live in different provinces!

Back to the rsvps... I understand that maybe some people are still unsure if they will be able to make it but would it really be so hard to send a quick email or make a quick phone call to tell us this!!!

I feel completely ignored by my family!! I know that weddings bring out the best and the worst in people but right now, I am seeing only the worst!! I have always put a great deal of effort into staying close to my family. I spent many spring breaks and holidays driving out to see them when I didn't have to. None of them ever came here. I am sick of it being all one sided! I am at the point where I just don't want anything to do with them! But I hate feeling this way!!

I want to say something to them to let them know how "ignored" I feel but I don't even know where to begin....

Before all of this, I was loving the wedding planning! Not so much anymore. I just need to get this out so hopefully I can get over it and enjoy this time again! I love my FI, he has been so supportive during all of this drama. I want to be excited about planning our day again!!

Reading back on this I hope I don't sound selfish or whiny. Trust me, I am not the type of person that needs things to be all about me, quite the opposite actually!!

I know there isn't much to say and everyone else has problems with families and friends with a DW. I just needed to get it out.

[heather hunder]

OMG i feel your pain!

I am having the same type of problem, so I guess i will vent as well. We told people b4 we got engaged we were going to have a destination wedding. My mother reminded me that not everyone will be able to go. So after some thought, I would be happy if my godparents came and my favorite Uncle and Aunt. So when we did get engaged, I asked them, they said they would be there for sure. Ok so a destination wedding will work. Well After invites went out, I has furious when all of my side of the family DECLINED. All of them! I actually wanted to cancel the whole wedding and just get married here. I am so embarrased that on my wedding day there will be only parents and my sister at the wedding. My Fiances side there is 10 of them going(besides his sister and parents) Now its not like my family doesn't have money or travel (they were in Mexico last Feb) for a reunion!!! My problem is now I want to be mad, but if they don't know your mad what is the point. Do I tell them or just try to get over it. Now if they travel anywhere in the next 2 years I will be pissed off. I honestly thought i meant more to them. Its weird, people whom I thought weren't coming are, and people whom I thought for sure wouldn't miss for the world won't be there.

[Dez921714]

Ok, so, I think you might have given too much time between sending out your invites and your RSVP date. I know when you do that, people put it on the side to "get to it later" and then they forget or it gets lost or something. I'd try not to take it too personal.

 

Maybe send out a reminder to the people who haven't responded, an email would work...or enlist mom (or someone) to make some follow up phone calls.

 

I doubt so many people didn't respond intentionally.

[shellb]

I know how it feels, we've given people 2 plus years notice that we would be getting married April '09 down south. We did the group rate thing back in the spring, people were awful about letting us know and now I am about to hesitantly send out the official invites knowing that the people I am sending to won't be coming. Hell for all I know they'll probably will peel the stamp off the RSVP and use it for something else rather than put the darn thing in the mail and give us confirmation.

 

People ignore email as well. I would say give them a call (you, your FI, your Mom, his Mom). Put them on the hook for a yes / no answer. Just say you are firming up numbers because you need to know how many plates and set-up costs you and your FI will need to pay for over the alloted package number that you have already paid for. Some people tend to assume because it is an all inclusive that the wedding and meal that day are free, so why bother with a response.

[Hartyt509]

I know how you feel only my aunt has asked about my wedding lol all the rest of my family pulled a face when I said it was in Mexico and snorted!!

 

I thought you know what screw them I don't fit in with them anyway they are all so square and up their own arses!!

 

I really thought I would have the probs with my friends not coming and only one has turned into a total cow!! the one I thought would act up did but then booked.

 

It's FI's friends that are being the pain and haven't booked. FMIL and new hubby have booked (unfortunately) but I only know this because I got a call off the travel agent lol I've not spoken to FMIL since last xmas and that was about 3 words so my wedding will be interesting lol

 

Mostly because as my friend pointed out to me i have no inner monologue and am very likely to say to her "oi you bitch" lmao

 

If you feel that hurt have it out with them it's not gonna make you feel worse but remember it might backfire and make things worse x

[DanielleNDerek]

Tara a lot of people forget to RSVP. maybe you should just give them a quick call or email to remind them the rsvp date has passed and you need to get a head count.

 

and for your aunt and cousin that got the time share, they probably didnt think that through at all. And they really should of checked with you before making that decision. some resorts have rules about having a certain amount of people stay there for weddings like the rui you need 80% of the guests to stay at the resort, even though your paying a day pass fee. But they probably didnt know about any of that, that's why they should of checked with the bride first.

 

and your grandfather should be happy that your having the wedding you dreamed of. Dont let him get you down. Its your wedding so you need to be happy with everything because you'll remember this day for the rest of your life and you want to look back on it as one of the happiest if not the happiest days you've ever had.

 

i really hope your family starts to support you more. keep your head up

[weddingchick]

I agree people tend to forget to RSVP so give them all a call. Get your #'s and plan to have the great destination wedding of your dreams. It is what you and FI want and ultimately that is what is most important. Hopefully your family can share this with you in person and if not, then in spirit.

 

Hang in there~!

[Sloan]

I think everyone has this problem. None of my family or friends are able to come to our wedding. Only my Mom, sister and one friend of mine are coming. None of FI's friends are able to go - only his Mom, Dad, Great Aunt & Uncle, brother. However, we are realistic about our wedding in Jamaica. We knew that not many people would be able to go - regardless of the economy. You have to take the good with the bad when you plan a DW and not take it as a personal attack when RSVP's dont come in - at least that's what I've tried to do. When it really comes down to it the only people that matter are you and FI.

[mexicobride2009]

Thanks for your replies! I know I'm not the only one in this crappy situation but sometimes just venting helps a lot! I'm not upset that people can't come. We knew all along that having a DW would mean that a lot of people wouldn't be able to make it. I'm totally ok with that. What I'm not ok with is not knowing either way and feeling like my family is ignoring and/or avoiding me.

 

Quote:

Ok, so, I think you might have given too much time between sending out your invites and your RSVP date. I know when you do that, people put it on the side to "get to it later" and then they forget or it gets lost or something. I'd try not to take it too personal.   Maybe send out a reminder to the people who haven't responded, an email would work...or enlist mom (or someone) to make some follow up phone calls.   I doubt so many people didn't respond intentionally.

I was actually thinking that I hadn't given people enough time to rsvp but maybe you're right. I should send out a reminder.

 

Thanks again for your support girls! I'm feeling much better today!